A
female
age
36-40,
*rishgirl24
writes:hi thanks for reading this please help!I've just moved in with my boyfriend and things are going great between us however the main issue we have is that he is friends with a married couple and the wife is completely obsessed with my boyfriend!!!i think she's like in love with him she completely dismisses me when i'm there wont talk to me there's been an occasion where she wouldn't even acknowledge me!she behaves completely inappropriately when we're out she causes drama just so she's the center of the attention and all this is really starting to bother me!i love my boyfriend and trust him i've tried talking to him about this but he says he doesn't see it and that i'm being silly for even thinking it but i know i'm not because even his friends have noticed the way she is and have said it to me which made me feel uncomfortable!he said he was sorry if he did anything to upset me and that he would never do anything to hurt me or upset me again but today i found out they went shopping and had lunch together aghhh???i am fuming i'm so angry!i mean i don't mind him going shopping with friends or having lunch its just her i don't trust her i know deep down she's not a good person!!am i over reacting?is this normal?help i don't know what to do :(
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 I think he likes the attention she's giving him therefore he turns a blind eye to the fact that it's inappropriate behavior for a married woman. Try talking to him again when she's not around. If he wants to have a relationship with you he needs to make some adjustments. Most men are blind to the games women play when they're competing with another woman. They just aren't tuned in to the things we know about another woman's behavior. And the next time his friends say something to you, ask them to please talk to him. Maybe if he hears it from someone other than you, it'll sink in.
A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (27 April 2011):
I think he likes the attention she's giving him therefore he turns a blind eye to the fact that it's inappropriate behavior for a married woman. Try talking to him again when she's not around. If he wants to have a relationship with you he needs to make some adjustments. Most men are blind to the games women play when they're competing with another woman. They just aren't tuned in to the things we know about another woman's behavior. And the next time his friends say something to you, ask them to please talk to him. Maybe if he hears it from someone other than you, it'll sink in.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): He claims that he doesn’t see it because he is busy doing something and wants to hide it in this way. If he wasn’t guilty maybe he would see it like everybody else! After you mention that to him, even though he claims that he wasn’t aware of that, having lunch with her is a big question mark and you said you found out! He even didn’t bother to tell you before. SO I am sure something is up, talk to him and ask for some explanation about the lunch. If he has an affair that it seems he has, or it is just happening, don’t bother and walk away it doesn’t worth it to waste your time more on him!
Good luck
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 Honestly, if his friends have said something to him too and he's dismissing them, it's a problem. I doubt he's that blind or stupid, so that means something is up between them. It may not be physical, but it's definitely more than a simple friendship.
It may be best to just walk away and let him dig his own grave here. He's on the road to an affair if one isn't already happening. It sucks, but unless he admits there is a problem here, you'll just end up more miserable than you already are.
You can always tell him that the fact that he's dismissing both his friends and you about this really hurts. That you're not the only one who sees what's going on, and your feelings should matter to him, but they don't seem to, and that's a problem to you. I'd be tempted to ask, "Why, if we've all said something to you about this, do you still not take a second and look at this in a different way?" The sad thing is the answer is obvious. It's because he doesn't want to. WHY he doesn't want to is the bigger mystery.
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A
female
reader, irishgirl24 +, writes (26 April 2011):
irishgirl24 is verified as being by the original poster of the question hi thanks for your reply!his friends have said it to him aswel but he's still insisting that she's just being a friend to him and that there is nothing what so ever in it! you are right thou my gut feeling has always been right and everytime i see her i just get a bad vibe!her husband just stands there and watches this behavior???the first time i was like oh my god say something to her because you're right i don't wanna come across as a jealous gf in fact i just don't want to giver her the satisfaction!i really don't know what to do i'm not an ultimatum kind of person i don't want to tell him who he can and can not see its just this is really getting me down after i heard about their lunch today i nearly cried out of sheer frustration with him!!!!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (26 April 2011):
We usually develop a pretty good sense of these things over time. If your gut is telling you something isn't right, then it's probably right. If your BF doesn't see it, but his friends are making comments to you, then you need to tell them to make comments to HIM. He claims he doesn't see it, so you need others to confirm what you see so that you don't just look like a jealous GF.
The thing is, you can't force an ultimatum. Those usually backfire. If you have tried talking about it, and he's ignoring your feelings, then that's either because something is up and he's hiding it, or he really is oblivious to what's happening. Either way, something has to change.
What does her husband think of her behavior?
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