A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend used to fancy another woman, and she even went to his flat a few times, although he said that nothing happened between them. He told her once that he thought she was " out of his league " and said he wished he was confident enough to talk to her one on one. She had photos of herself in just her underwear and other photos where she posed. he has also told me that she is loud, and i know she drinks a lot. i dont know why he fancied her, as he is shy and quiet, just like me. infact, we both think that we are well matched. He hasnt seen her for over a year ( we werent together at the time she went to his flat ) and she deleted, or de-activated, her facebook page for over a year, but i noticed just now that she is back on facebook !!. My boyfriend and i have been on and off for a few years, but things have improved this year ( we've been together most of the year) and now i'm worried that this is going to ruin everything !. she has come up in arguements, as i cant get over the fact that he let her into his flat, and that he used to fancy her. i worry that, once he sees her photos again, he might start to fancy her again, and i'm worried incase he speaks to her or meets up with her. It isn't fair. Just when things have been going right for us, this has to happen...I know she has had an on and off boyfriend too. At the moment, her status says " in a relationship ", and my boyfriends status says " in a relationsip with " then it says my name, so she will know he is with me. i dont know if he is aware that she is back on facebook yet though.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): Here's an update.i told him about this and he said it doesnt make a difference that she is back on facebook so i guess i'll have to take his word for it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): Oh, and i also wanted to mention that he told me that he felt like i " abandoned " him, which is why he hung around with her. So i guess that, as long as we stay together, he wont be interested in her any more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): Hi. I just want to mention that he didnt tell me he fancied her. I saw that he put that on a comment on his facebook at the time he saw her. he told me that he didnt tell her he fancied her in an arguement we had recently, but i know he did.it worried me that he lied, but maybe he did that because he didnt want to upset me ?. i also feel insulted that he thought she was " out of his league " And i wonder if that means he thought more highly of her ?. He's never said that i am out of his league. He always says he " loves " me though, which is obviously better and means more than " Fancying " someone. He told me about one night where she had been on a night out drinking and she had lost her house keys, so she stayed at his place. Her friend used to live next door to him, but she doesnt live tehre now. She tried to go to her palce at first apparently, but she wasnt in.He told me that she just slept on the couch.
I know i should just forget it. My boyfriend even tells me not to bring it up and leave the past in the past. i guess i panicked when i saw that she was back on facebook, and i feel threatened because of the kind of person she is.She apparently went to his flat just to use the internet sometimes too, but that doesnt really add up.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 November 2010):
 He told you too much details. He is honest to a fault. Things are better left unsaid. He's making you feel you are not special, sexy enough and he has to make up for that, like a $30 dinner or something, for saying something stupid. He has to give you reasons why he fancies you now. If he can't do that you have to wonder why he's still with you.
He fancied her because she's something unattainable, exciting and something different from his life. She gives room for his imagination. In reality who wants to have a girl who poses sexy pictures while she has a boyfriend already. She is obssessed with getting attention wherever she can. If she sees your boyfriend's status it might give her more reason to trigger your jealousy. Negative attention is better than no attention. Your boyfriend is not going to go after her, but he needs to know that continuing to give her attention is disrespectful for you.
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