A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Help!!! I'm stuck in a rut with my sex life. I became sexually active at fifteen and have had a few sexual partners since. I've now been with my current boyfriend for 13 months and we have the worst sex life I've ever had. I've tried everything to spice it up and nothing is working. He always manages to ejaculate and really enjoy sex but I hardly ever get off. He likes every position where I'm on top but I loathe it, I've told him this but I don't have the heart to tell him why, I literally cannot feel anything inside me when I'm on top whether it be forward or reverse. And he hates being on top he is very self conscious about getting sweaty on top of me lights on or off. So we are left with "doggy" position, which we both enjoy but becomes stale and boring after a while. I know he is satisfied but I'm left longing, I'd never stray but I don't know what to do ?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (26 October 2015):
 Hah! What a crock!
This guy telling *you* that he gets self-conscious about "being sweaty" on top of you ranks up there with "Honey, you fold clothes so much better than I do" or "I always feel weird vacuuming because I don't know if my carpet lines look neat enough".
In other words, you have an extremely lazy lover in bed. Of *course* he wants YOU on top!! That means that you're doing all of the work! Is your boyfriend 500 pounds as well, or does he ever break a sweat when not engaging in sex either?!
And let's say I try to suspend disbelief and that maybe there is some sort of psychiactric OCD thing when it comes to this guy being on top (I have heard of many guys who are so self conscious that they refuse to take their shirt off during sex or women who *MUST* have sex in socks to hide their feet)...let's just *say*...
So why isn't his tongue going into overdrive making sure you get yours in short order? What about his fingers? What about both???? If he truly had a *thing*, why hasn't he compensated and made sure that you yourself were a sweaty, orgasmic, utterly spent and happy camper before he got his?? I'd believe it if that were the truth, but him making excuses and you not getting anything? What a crock.
It's not about straying. It's about taking HIM to task for his laziness. It's about you making sure you were satisfied before he was! You have to stand up for yourself, because all straying does is make things worse, and usually in every lover you have, you can fall into a rut. So don't get bad habits now.
Another thing that makes me sure that what you have is an incredibly lazy and selfish lover is what you said in the beginning:
"I've tried everything to spice it up"... Why "I"?? Again, what has *HE* done to help spice it up? Spice in sex is a two-way street. If again, he actually had a hangup, he'd be trying for serious adventure in seeing how many ways he could get you to orgasm....so much so that you wouldn't miss him being on top because he has more sexual tools and techniques than a Swiss army knife!
You should tell him exactly what you said to us here, and don't mince words to try to spare his ego. He is a lazy, selfish, sucky lover, and you need to call him on it. If he listens to you, and this is all amounting to inexperience, which in the porn world, it's possible because too many guys think that porn is how you have sex when it isn't, he may just need to know that his penis isn't giving the pleasure it's getting...guys without experience make that mistake too often, as if penis-in-vagina is like flint-and-tinder, and both are feeling the same sensations when really, it's a woman's clitoris and surrounding nerves!
He needs to know that for him to rely on his penis being the only thing that can stimulate you is the same as you fondling his scrotum and deciding for your boyfriend that THAT is the only sexual touching he's going to get, and that he must have an orgasm from that touching in THAT area alone. That's what you're going through now when he expects you to get off from him being inside you while you're on top.
You may have had a boyfriend who had a bigger or differently-curved or shaped penis that did give your clitoris friction from the inside, but not all penises are the same, and your current BF's might be on the small side.
So school that guy of yours, and if he's way too selfish to even consider changing his ways, then leave him the RIGHT way. Don't stray, just simply cut him loose and start over again with a guy who's much better in bed.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2015): You either have to drop him or open up communication about your sexual needs. I'd try communication first...if nothing else, it could be good practice for your next relationship. These types of questions often start out with "he's the greatest guy in the world but...". I don't hear that or read it between the lines here...it doesn't sound like he's right for you...
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