A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:6 months ago i took a trip to Colorado to visit my uncle during my college break. My uncle told me and my family theirs a woman (my dads second cousin) who's related to our family we should visit. I met that woman’s daughter, she is my 3rd cousin. I only spent 1 hour with her. The situation was awkward, i cant really explain but the point is i don’t really know this girl. I do know that She is gorgeous and she looks nothing like me. I started to txt her when i came back home and one thing led to the next and i started to have feeling for her. I really want to tell the truth in this story so here it goes, as weird as it sounds. This girls mother put it in my mind that her daughter and me can form a serious relationship and i am that kind of guy who is looking for that special someone. Also we are Arabic, so her mother probably thinks it’s perfectly natural for cousins to marry one another. I am a good looking guy as well so I‘m not surprised her mother asked me. The first time i saw this girl i had that feeling she is that special someone for me, i cant explain it but everything happens for a reason and i feel it's not a coincidence i happen to meet my 3rd cousin at this certain point in my life. I’m 20 years old and she's 19, we never knew each other. She feels like a stranger to me. I have been talking to her for over 6 months now but she doesn’t feel the way i do. She liked me at first and as soon as i showed my feelings for her it was like a switch. I recorded 3 songs for her and she told me she didn't know i liked her that much and she didn't want a relationship. I was feeling really emotional by the 3rd song and i boxed her in with a yes or no question. let me elaborate on that, me and this girl live in 2 different states. I basically wanted to move over to her state and take a risk with a relationship. I got ahead of myself and she said the cousin thing is kind of creepy and she doesn’t want a long distance relationship. I asked her if I move down to her state if it would change anything and she left me hanging. I was talking to her for 3 months at that point and all of a sudden, I stop talking to her for a month. I was heart broken after she ignored my question. I still couldn’t get her off my mind and A month later I decide to call her and she didn’t even know who i was for a brief moment, it was embarrassing. We began to txt on the phone. she's in college as well pursuing medical school like me. We have a lot in common that I see but she doesn‘t and it‘s hard to show that. when i txt her i always say things like "baby girl" and "ma" which should her how i feel. If she responds to it i feel like she's ok with it. I feel I’m doing as good as any guy can do in this situation which basically is trying to attract somebody the best you can through the phone because we live in separate states. another month later, i am still talking to this girl through txt message. At this point, i want to see if this girl is right for me by visiting her but i don’t want to travel all the way to her just to be rejected. I want to tell the truth so here it is. I was feeling frustrated because she told me "i cant make my self like you." I responded by saying some things so bad that she said no one has ever disrespected her the way you did. This is important if your reading. The main reason i like this girl is because she is from Palestine like me. Not only that, we both are Arab Americans, Arabic people that are born in America. As a Arab i know Arabic women do not have sex before marriage. She said she rather not answer the question about whether she had sex or not so i assume by her not answering she had sex before. so when i insulted her, i really knew what to say to make her feel bad. I am not proud of myself for that, like i said i just want to tell the truth and believe me I'm sorry for it and when i apologized i really meant it, so please don’t judge me for being a bad person. Everyone makes mistakes they regret, and I regret this mistake. She said she would never forgive me or talk to me but she still responded to my txt messages when i was trying to beg for her forgiveness. I told her i was drunk and emotional and i just wanted to be nothing more than cousins and no relationship. This is where we lie If your reading, i have told you as much as i could think of which has all happened. I know i cant handle just being cousins with this girl. What should i do? Should i stay persistent? I really don’t want to give up and i am not the obsessive type. It just sounds bad because i am trying to summarize the situation but i can never really capture the real perspective. I have never wrote any songs for any girls until she came along. This girl has me doing things i never ever done in my life before. She knows how i feel as well which makes my situation extremely difficult. I wish their was a real hitch. I would of never imagined that i would be that person who is attracted to their cousin in fact that was the last thing on my mind. Now, it's like I’m going insane because she doesn’t feel the same and i have been trying to do everything i possible can do. It's like I’m trying to make her fall in love with me. Day by day the situation just get's worse. I wish i would have never met her just because my life feels miserable and i cant stop thinking about her. I don’t think my 3rd cousin will ever feel how i feel. On top of everything, we live in two different states that are far away. I am the kind of person who is willing to take chances for an opportunity, i just don’t’ know how to go about and receive that opportunity. I guess i already know the answer, I’m just in denial because being cousins with someone you love who doesn’t love u, multiplies the pain several times. believe it or not I was born in raised in America 2 and i still feel the same about my cousin, I am in love and am going crazy. Is their anything i can do to make this work. I know my situation is bad, but this is all i think about, i really wish i never met her. Now i know why love is so dangerous, cause the way i feel right now, nothing can hurt me more than I’m hurting right now. Not no physical or mental pain, nothing
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI apreciate all the help I'm recieving. I will take everyone's advice and leave this girl alone. I'm sure leaving this girl alone will be best for both of us. I'm ready to move on but my heart isn't. I know i will be ok in the long run but I'm just worried about my life for the next 3-6 months. This is probally going to be one of my most miserable moments but it's ok. I like her so much that i will leave her alone because deep down inside i feel like all I'm doing is annoying her. I would of never expected myself to be one of those guys who gets on a girls nerve and thats just not me. I need to be mature about this one and i'll do just that.
A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (6 May 2008):
 Hi, For one thing, the third cousin relationship should not be a problem legally, unless it is against your religion. You have to check it out. But, my dear, it takes two to tango, which I'm sure, you know what I am talking about. You have a serious crush on your cousin, to the point of distraction. This can happen. But, you can see, if you look hard, that one, she doesn't like the fact, that you are her cousin and you want a relationship, that is beyond being friends and cousins, and second, she does not like you that way. Now, you got angry with her because she would not return your affection, you apologized, but really, you know what, that would make me think , if I were her, that you need to be a little more mature. She may be younger than you, but she seems older, by her actions, and girls do muture earlier than guys, so that is understandable. But you don't hurt someone's feelings because they don't behave as you wish. If the roles were reversed and she liked you, but you did not like her, would you like it, if she insulted you, because of your non action in the romance department. You can continue to pine over your cousin, and be miserable, or you can move on, find a new friend and carry on with a satisfying life, without involving your cousin. If your cousin became involved with you, she, as I read your letter, would be embarrassed, and would not want anyone to know about the two of you, that is too much stress to put on a budding relationship. So think about it long and hard, sometimes we can't get what we want, as the Rolling Stones sang, but we can get what we need. Work on controlling your emotions, bring yourself to see, that your cousin and you, as a couple, is not workable. Move along and as time passes, you will get over your infatuation, time heals, it's called survival. You will survive, may not think so now, but you will, believe me. Before you know it, you will have met another girl, who will turn your head and you will be trying to remember what your cousin's name is. There is so much life for you to live, release yourself from the constraints of a prison of, wanting to be with someone who does not want to be with you. You are wasting precious time. You life and future are too important, get on with it. There will be other women, who may or may not break your heart, let's go find them and see what the future will be like. Be happy. Good luck.
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