A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was just wondering how much you guys agree or disagree with this statement :The relationship a child has with their parents directly reflects how they are with the mutual sex.ex:I don't have respect for my mom and I can easily talk back to her. I don't get along with girls that well. I have no respect for girls and I feel as if I'm better than them.my dad and I don't get along but I'm very obedient to him. I hesitate to talk back to him, if ever... and he's mean. and I have a lot of respect for him.With guys, I'm very submissive. I have a lot more respect for guys and I feel as if I'm below them. I'm attracted to the guys that use me, are demanding and talk down on me. BUT I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO MY DAD. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (12 January 2009):
 I understand how you feel. It's hard for everyone to deal with unfamiliar situations, it makes us uncomfortable because we haven't learned how to react. Sounds like your father has issues and thought that if he made people afraid of him they would treat him with respect. People don't talk back to your father because i assume they fear him and would rather avoid him- this is NOT respect. Respect needs to be earned by being a good person and doing great things with your life. The man being head of the household reffers to men being "the providers' for their family not intimidating their family into not talking back to them. Little men that are unhappy with themselves act out by abusing people emotionally and physically. Having been exposed to this kind of behavior, understandably makes you feel uncomfortable when you are faced with good men who try to be nice to you. It's good to be careful and not fall for every 'nice" guy as yes some men don't always have good intentions, you need to be smart and be figure out the ones who are nice because they hope to gain something from you and the ones(THERE ARE MANY OUT THERE)who are nice because you are a nice girl and it feels good to be nice to people. Good people get hurt when their kindness is rejected, remember this. As far as your mom goes, try to understand her, she is not weak she is strong. She was not a single woman, she was a woman with children. A crappy weak mom would have left him and you guys and gone on with her life, she didn't abandon you guys, she stayed with an ass(excuse me)because she had you guys, if she were to have stood up to him (which in your eyes would have made her look brave and strong)he would have abused you guys even worst. Men like that will only listen to authority if it comes from someone bigger and tougher then them. Try to hang out with more nice people and get comfortable to that lifestyle too unless you want to end up married to a man like your father who will abuse you and your children too.
You will be great honey, you have already started realizing things about yourself and you're just in time to change and have a chance at a wonderful beautiful life surrounded by good, kind people. It will just take some getting used to on your part that's all(a lot of undoing of the damage your father has caused.
You can start breaking the cycle by being sweet and kind to people to see how it feels and you will start attracting that from now on:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou make sense. my dad was extremely abusive with my mom to the point that he's been to jail multiple times. and he was abusive with me and my sister. no one like ever talks back to my dad. I've just grown up with the man is head of the household. like they hold the most power.
and I don't like them being nice to me because its weird and I don't like compliments from anyone because I don't believe them.
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A
female
reader, Plexi +, writes (11 January 2009):
What kind of girl do you think deserves men that are nice and sweet and kind to her? Do you feel you are the kind of girl that should be treated nicely? why and why or why not?
When men/your father are nice and sweet to you , does that turn you off because it makes you feel vulnerable and in a position where you have to be nice in return? Is it possible you are afraid of returning these gestures because then you lose control and they could hurt you/ Honey this is a defence mechanism which is very understandable esecially if you've been hurt in the past but if you don't try to make an effort and change you will always attract assholes(not just men)into your life and push away the good people. Was your mother hurt and you lost respect for her because you dont see her as having been strong enough to protect herself and now you have adopted this defense mechanism to protect yourself? Think about these things by yourself and if any of it sounds familiar, realize it's in the past you can learn from it and you have the power to change. We need good people in our lives, don't push those people away please and turn your back on assholes because you do need to be treated with respect and kindness:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI mean I'm not like that with every girl, just girls in general. and my dad has been trying to be nice to me and I hate it. I can't stand him. I cannot stand being around him for more than 5 minutes - I get so irritated.
and when guys treat me well and tell me nice things about me I hate it and its such a turn off.
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A
female
reader, Plexi +, writes (11 January 2009):
Your mother is your role model in life like it or not. the relationship you have with your father will determine the kinds of relationships you have with men in the future. Are you submissive because you want/need his attention/ will this lead you to do whatever takes to gets attention from other men as well? be careful, spend more nice quality time with your father. i suspect that the relationship you have with your mother is the result of sippresed feelings and you are projectiong those feelings onto her and onto other women. Often, children that have problems at home project those feelings at school onto other girls because they are unhappy with their situation at home. Nobody is better then anyone else, we are all human, all the same, we all have problems, even the girls who you think have perfect lives have problems. People often wear a mask of 'perfection' in order to hide all their problems and inperfections.
Why do you feel you dont respect your mother and what would happen if you didn't talk back and just tried to accept her for whom she is and love her for trying to do her best?
I think you should really think about the relationship you have with your father. It sounds like you feel neglected by him and that's why you look for men that also treat you badly. Break the cycle now hun,
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