A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are each other's first serious relationships. We've been together for 9 months now and I'm just thinking about long-term compatibility.He's an amazing person and treats me well but sometimes there are little things that make me wonder if things can work out long-term.They might be minor but here goes: I love the beach and dream of living near it one day...he lives in the city and says that he can't imagine living anywhere else...he's told me he wants to move in with me one day and he knows how much I love the sea.I'm a cat person and currently own a cat. He's not a cat person and might even dislike cats, although he'd never admit it. Everytime I say that I will own a cat in the future he just goes quiet and has once even said 'but why just not get a dog...we both like dogs, right?'He's very much into healthy food and I like my chocolate. I don't overdo it but everytime I have it he's got this disapproving look on his face...he makes me feel bad about it.I've been single most of my life and so has he. It's almost like we haven't learned what it's like to compromise. We're also both ambitious and like to be in control. I guess we can't agree on everything but I'm starting to feel like he likes things his way too much and is not willing to compromise.So what I want to know is how to assert myself without 1)hurting his feelings and 2) not getting into a fight over small things (like a future pet!)?I think I should do it sooner than later to see how he handles it.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (10 May 2010):
If it's your first serious relationship then the chances are that it won't last for ever. First love is amazing, and it will stay with you forever, but that doesn't mean that a better love won't come along in 10 years time.
You should never let yourself be ruled by "What if's"
You can't decide to split up in your 20's because you want different things in retirement.
You may last 5 years, you may split up in 3 weeks, you may get hit by lighting tomorrow.
Why not just plan as far as next week and keep it simple?
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 May 2010):
This is a case where you have to compromise. If he likes a city and you like the sea, move to a city near the sea/beach. If you like cats and he doesn't, don't have a pet at all. Instead, you could always give money to a cat charity or something. I know it's not the same, but it's better than nothing. As for the chocolate, who cares what he thinks. It's all about compromise. However, if neither of you can compromise, then you'll need to end it.
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