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female
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anonymous
writes: Married 7 years, have a toddler. My husband (41yrs old) always had a super low sex drive. It was almost always me who initiated sex. For at least two years now, I find that I no longer desire him. I've stopped asking for it.We are less kind to each other. The idea of sex with him truly turns me off. What to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2006): You will probably need to make the first move on this one. Start small by doing nice things for him that you wouldn't normally do, putting gas in his car, asking him about his day, making his favorite foods, ect. Having a small child does zap your energy, hire a babysitter once a week so the two of you can have some alone time together, go on dates, for walks, whatever you did while you were dating. You also need time for yourself, try to squeeze an hour out of your day for a sensual bath, complete with candles and bubbles, pampering yourself will allow you to pamper others.
A
female
reader, Angel Underneath +, writes (2 January 2006):
Would you be happy to stay in a relationship without sex. Lots of people do but its something you need to think about. Having a baby can zap your sex drive to hell so if you're happy to wait and see whats happening in a year then you could feel differently.
The fact that you feel your being less kind to each other could indicate that the relationship may be floundering anyway. I think the only way you will get any answers is to work on reopening comunication with your hubbie and talking about how you can start being nice to each other. If you're not inclined to do that , then maybe its time to start thinking about whether you should try and seperate
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (2 January 2006):
For most woman, sex is not just sex, like it is to men, woman relate sex with love, and prefer to only do it with a man they truly have those deep feelings for. So if your relationship isn't all that healthy with him at the moment, like mentally and emotionaly, then perhaps that is the reason.
Also his lack of showing affection towards you and letting you feel like he wants you, probably did turn you off. Why would you want osmeone who doesnt act like they want you?
When a relationship isn't healhty, people normally do find that the sex dies. I think the real issue here, is not sex, but all the other issues that are happening, like for example why arey ou two being so unkind to each other? I'm sure there are plenty more pparts taht aren't right. Fix them first, and then work on the sex thing. Also talk to him about it...I mean hes probabaly wondering why you never ask for it now. Also did it ever occur to u in the first place he was just to shy to perhaps ask?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2006): Well I don't know what his deal is with the super low sex drive of your hubby, but yours can probably be explained in a couple of ways. Having a toddler is one if them. I had zero sex drive for 2.5 years after my 3d was born. Hormonal thing I was told. You didn't say how old you are. Between 35 and 40 I had no desire for sex (also hormonal but my now ex had gotten fat and the idea of sex with him turned me off too) but it has now come back with a vengeance. Just, whatever you do, don't cheat. If it gets to that point, leave. Keep your head up.
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