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male
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anonymous
writes: I have worked with this girl for 4 years and she is now leaving for another job. But I have realised that I am in love with her. I never knew I had such feelings until two weeks befor she left. I know she has a boyfriend but they only see each other 4 times a month. At the moment I can't sleep or eat. All I think of is her. We are all going out on a works night out and I know if I get too much to drink I will tell her how I feel.She has been let down by men so much all I want to do is look after her and the children, as the bf does sweet FA for her. I know she likes me but I need to convince her that I am a genuine person and I want to care for her and the kids. All I want is this girl in my life so I can take care of her and the kids. She needs that. She works so hard and gets no help and I want to help her so much. What do I do? Just continue to be a friend?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe girl i am in love with telephoned me to day to say that she had fallen out with her boyfriend so i gave her some support but i did not say anythin about us getting togetheras i do not like the idea that i am her backup plan if thats wat she is thinking so i will give it time and let her do the chasing only she knos wat she wants so time will tel
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (28 June 2006):
 Thanks for your update. It sounds like you are currently not working with her.
If she has decided to stay with her boyfriend then she has told you where you stand. I have a friend who is married to a guy that I think is a total deadbeat, but she has chosen him over all others, so all that is left for my wife and I to do is remain loyal to her and support her.
It's probably a good idea to remain separated from your friend in the working world. Given where you stand with her, it is time to let your emotions cool down so that you can be her friend and establish some balance in the relationship. She now thinks that you are her backup plan in case her boyfriend dumps her - this is an imbalance that does not work in your favour.
Do you know whether or not she has ever had stand on her own? If she splits up with her boyfriend, how long are you willing to wait before "moving in", so to speak? The best relationships are the ones in which two people don't need to be together, but choose to be together.
I hope this helps. Good luck, take care, and be patient!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i told her but she said she was loyal to her boyfriend and if she was not going with hie she would be chasing me . the situation now is that she took a manegers job on for a different care trust and she asked me to go and work with her i feel that she wants to keep me close jst incase she changes her minde so do not no what to do as it might be to hard to go and work with her with the way i feel about her . things will work themselvs out in the end i supose
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male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (28 June 2006):
Be careful to determine exactly what it is you feel - it may feel like love, but it just may be an overwhelming desire to help an injured bird. Be sure that it is love and not some other emotion that is masquerading as love.
There is quite likely a great deal of baggage that this girl would bring into a relationship with you. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
You are doing a very good thing by wanting to provide some emotional support to your friend. You should definitely tell her that you want to continue your friendship and your emotional support, if she'll have it.
But as you have no idea how she feels about you, you are taking a huge risk by confessing your feelings to her. You may think that not confessing will lead to regret, but it is just as likely that confessing will lead to regret because she may react by distancing herself from you. I don't know how likely that would be, but it is a possibility.
For now, I suggest that you tell her that you wish to stay in touch and provide whatever emotional support she wishes to have from you. If the both of you are meant to be together then be patient. Time may not be the enemy you think it to be.
Good luck and take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2006): [sigh] You just answered your own question by telling us what you want to do. It's a part of the question in fact. Just friggin tell her "I want you to be with me" and look into her eyes when you say that. Then ask, "What can I do, to prove to you, that my heart is geniune?"
Keep it short, clear, and to the point. There's a lot of time for romance and poetry if you've cleared the first stage.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2006): how do i tell the girl i wont her
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (10 December 2005):
Hey there! Well not to long ago I was in a very similar situation to you. I had a bf yet a very close friend of mine who i once dated but he broke up with me was in love with me. he told me his feelings for me every day! no kidding. lucky for him i wasnt happy in the relationship with my current bf and eventually i admited to my feelings and stoped tryign to deny them and i broke up with my bf for him.
For all you know, this girl could feel the same way even though she is in a relationship. and like you said she hardly gets to see him which must be really hard for her!
You said you know she likes you but you need to convince her your genuine, well why woudlnt she think your genuine? if this is the case that she might think your not so genuine all you can do is tell her how you feel, that you love her and what you want out of the possible relationship and even if she doesnt say yes as she may have doubts, stick aroound and be a good reliable friend to prove it to her.
I say do what feels right. And from reading what you wrote it seeems like you have very deep feelings for her and really want a relationship with her so i think you should tell her! good luck and take care!
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