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female
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anonymous
writes: My ex boyfriend and I dated on and off for about a year. I found out a few months ago that I am pregnant. Initially he said he was confused but he did know that he didn't see a future for us together and I would be on my own. We saw each other a few times subsequently, tried to be friends and come to an arrangement, but then he met someone else and asked me to have an abortion. I didn't, and now he wants nothing to do with me and we have no contact. Everyone says I should just forget about him, but I am concerned for my child that he won't know his father. It's very difficult knowing he is seeing someone else so soon, but I'm trying to think what the best thing to do is for the sake of our baby. Any ideas?
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female
reader, distressed +, writes (19 November 2005):
I have a child that does not see his father. Actualy it makes it better. Believe it or not there are men out there that will raise your child as their own. Without my sons father in the picture it makes it easier for my fiance` and I to raise him as ours. Do not force him to be a part of the babies life it will only make things worse for the child. People will say that a child needs his/her father but believe me they are wrong and my son is living proof.
A
female
reader, sassybz04 +, writes (17 November 2005):
Now days, a child does not need a father in there life. a mothers love is more conforting and sincere. my child rarely knows who her father is and it doesnt bug me anymore, it use to, but i got over it, its his lost not wanting to be in his own childs life. there are so many programs set up for single paretns that you can do it on your own. you do not need a man for nothing, you can give your child everything they want and need by yourself. be a mature person and when your child gets older and the father decides to be involved, your child will know what happen and have no respect for there father knowing what they did and they will reject it. it will make your child more open, reliant and love you more knowing you were there when he wasnt and you devoted your life to them. i hope things go well and keep your head high.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2005): Im in exactly the same position as you and I faced the same dilemma until someone gave me some simple but quite amazing advice: 'follow your heart'. Until then I was on a seesaw between abortion and keeping the baby. Im keeping mine because I know that it will get all the love it needs from me and my friends/family, and when my hormones are better adjusted I can take my time looking for a better man to father my child; someone who will stick around and be more interested than the biological father could ever have been. Even if you yourself dont have family to support you there are loads of organisations which help people bringing up children without a partner. Some times it is really tough, and lonely, so if you are going to keep it think about this now and start planning who will be around for you. Above all else, dont let ANYONE - whether its the baby's dad or a friend - persuade you to do anything you're not fully happy about: its your body, your baby and, above all, your life. I wish you the best of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2005): It's an a enormously tough decision and I can't imagine being in your position. Only you can decide what's best for both you and your child. If you think you may not be able to provide for this child on your own, please consider adoption. I think giving a baby up for adoption is one of the most selfless, loving acts that a mother can do for her child. To realize that she's not ready to be a mom, or that her situation is not the best for her baby and to give it to a family who will love and cherish the child is a great sacrifice. There are many wonderful couples, who want children and are unable to have them but have the resources and maturity to give this child an excellent, high quality life with loads of love.
If you decide to keep the child, please remember it will be a huge responsibility and you will need some emotional support from family and good friends. Don't forget, the ex bf is still morally and financially responsible for his child. So child support, visitations considerations will all have to be worked out before this child is born. Whether he acknowleges the child or not, he will still be obligated as the biological father, to help you raise this child. Just some things to consider. I wish you well and make the best decision for your baby's well-being.
Hugs,
Irish
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A
female
reader, missbunbury  +, writes (4 November 2005):
 I can honestly tell you, from personal experience when I was a child, that children need consistent love and support more than anything else. What's really important here is that you think of the bigger picture. Your ex has made it clear that he is unable or unwilling to devote himself to this child emotionally, so I think you should accept this now and tell him that that has to be his final decision. He can't suddenly decide at some point that he does want to be involved after all; in this case he is either in it for the long-term or not in it at all. Quite frankly, if he's spineless enough to walk away from you while you're carrying his child, then you're better off without him. I was raised by the best mother in the world, with absolutely no contact with my father (who decided not to bother sticking to access arrangements from the beginning) and I really feel that this has been better for me than if my dad had been in and out of my life. Bear in mind though that you should be entitled to some financial support from this man - make sure you fully pursue this as the majority of problems for single parents tend to be money-related.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (3 November 2005):
 What's best for the baby is a least ONE parent that loves him/her wholeheartedly. The baby doesn't need a father who could care less about him/her. Move on with your life and don't look back. Take good care of the little one and maybe look for more stability in a relationship before you decide to forego the birth control.
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