A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have known this guy for about 5 years we have always had a close bond we have seen each other have one bad relationship after the next and have always been there for each other to pick up the peices. sometimes this close friendship bond turns into something that has the potential to be a brilliant relationship, we know each other inside out and know each others futher dreams etc etc. but it never seems to move the way i had hoped. i have recently moved 100 miles away from him for work and the seperation from him has made me realise that i am in love with him and want to be with him properly, i have told him about this but hes been giving me mixed signals since. he has completely shocked me by saying that he wants all the things i do and would move to be close to me cause he cant bare to be with out me and misses me too much and then next breath the distance is a problem and this is all too complicated for him and that i will find someone where im living now. is he just stringing me along in the hope that every time i go home he will get his leg over or is it because he is confused about the whole thing? this has really confused me and wish that i had never said how i feel now, it has not affected our friendship in anyway but i dont think that i could handle seeing him with anybody else and think that now that i have told him this and if he did find a new partner i would not be able to continue our friendship as it would be too painful. i have not questioned him any more about what he wants to happen between us, but i want to know where i stand or is that my answer..nowhere? what do i do now? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008): Without know you and him personally I can offer only the most general comments, but I hope I can help.
First, I would like to apologize for my half of the planet, we tend to be idiots. It is a gift. (smiles)
Okay, you have a guy that you have feelings for, and he has responded that he has feelings for you also. You are wanting and willing to be together, yet while he says many good, nice, fuzzy feeling sort of things, there is no action to back it up.
I am willing to give your friendship the benefit of a doubt and say that he really does care about you, but he is unsure of what to do. Possible a career is in the way and does not allow him to move. Or, as many guys do not like to admit, we are scared and lost when it comes to making commitments.
My recommendation to you, is although this guy is everything you want, please ask yourself, you give him everything, does he give you anything in return beyond happy, fuzzy words?
Do what is best for you. If he is best for you, then hold on and do not let go. If he is not, if he is not in your best interest, then do not be with him. Are you good for him? Most likely yes. Is he good for you? Well, is he? Does he give you everything you need, personally, socially, as a companion? Or is he unable to?
Looking out for number one is selfish, except in this one circumstance. I dislike when a person enters a relationship that is not balanced, there is only give but no return. There most be compromise. The relationship that has one person giving there all is not a relationship, that is a job.
Post Script: I am in a wonderful relationship for several years that deals with hundreds of miles and one international border. Ever drive 1200 miles (round-trip) to give someone a kiss?
-Cpl Stout
-USMC
-Age: 25
A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic  +, writes (25 September 2008):
 Let him know that you didn't mean to freak him out, you just wanted to be honest and real. Tell him, "I am sorry if I have complicated things or confused you in any way, but I just had to tell you how I feel or else you would never know. I know that moving is a huge step that may be holding you back, but please consider the option for I am here dreaming of you constantly, I can't get you off of my mind and all I want is to be with you."
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