A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal to be so conscious of my body?Lots of people say how 'beautiful' and 'sexy' i am but i genuinely don't see it. In my head, i believe i am chubby, ugly and nothing that anyone ever tells me. Could it be because my last 2 boyfriends, who i had so madly fallen for, had gotten with someone very thin? Is it me being normal or maybe just silly and self conscious of myself?are they any ways i can try and be more confident? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (5 February 2012):
 Your body image may well be out of sync with the reality of who you are. I work with a stunning beautiful girl who does not think she is beautiful (100% of her co-workers think she is beautiful and she has brains and is an excellent worker.
yet she suffers from a poor self-image and should (but does not) comprehend all her good qualities.
Two guys, in succession, leaving you would be a shock.
what other people think of you though is not your business. Let them worry about their business. It only matters what you think of you. But you should also realise that often gorgeous lovely gals who look fantastic have a poor self image because they have been told the wrong things in the past.
we put on a message in our heads, bases on all the things we hear said about ourselves, but said by others.
It is time to rip up those negative messages and start focusing positively on you.
You are attractive as two guys in succession have been atrracted to you. Some girls have trouble even getting one guy interested.
And it would be easy to get sad about this. But instead it is smarted to take another tack and move in a different direction. Do different things. Go to different places. and experience new things.
You can also address your own focus on things.
I recently answered a similar question so I am including some links thT might help.
And start with daily positive affirmations. Because fjust because you think one thing does not mean it is fact.
Here is part of what I wrote to a person with self image issues:
"Positive thinking will help you go a long way in life. It does sometimes need a different way of looking at things. It takes far less energy to smile than to frown or be sad. So save some energy and smile! It is a great way to make yourself and others feel better. "
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/tunnel-vision-positive-thinking---used-to.html
and
"I answered a question recently about lifting self-esteem so I am listing that answer below. Self esteem issues can really hurt your self image and how you feel about you. It is important that you respect your needs and wants and put you first to get things back on track."
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/want-to-take-pride-in-being-myself-and.html
and depression: http://helpguide.org/topics/depression.html
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (5 February 2012):
Your body image may well be out of sync with the reality of who you are. I work with a stunning beautiful girl who does not think she is beautiful (100% of her co-workers think she is beautiful and she has brains and is an excellent worker.
yet she suffers from a poor self-image and should (but does not) comprehend all her good qualities.
Two guys, in succession, leaving you would be a shock.
what other people think of you though is not your business. Let them worry about their business. It only matters what you think of you. But you should also realise that often gorgeous lovely gals who look fantastic have a poor self image because they have been told the wrong things in the past.
we put on a message in our heads, bases on all the things we hear said about ourselves, but said by others.
It is time to rip up those negative messages and start focusing positively on you.
You are attractive as two guys in succession have been atrracted to you. Some girls have trouble even getting one guy interested.
And it would be easy to get sad about this. But instead it is smarted to take another tack and move in a different direction. Do different things. Go to different places. and experience new things.
You can also address your own focus on things.
I recently answered a similar question so I am including some links thT might help.
And start with daily positive affirmations. Because fjust because you think one thing does not mean it is fact.
Here is part of what I wrote to a person with self image issues:
"Positive thinking will help you go a long way in life. It does sometimes need a different way of looking at things. It takes far less energy to smile than to frown or be sad. So save some energy and smile! It is a great way to make yourself and others feel better. "
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/tunnel-vision-positive-thinking---used-to.html
and
"I answered a question recently about lifting self-esteem so I am listing that answer below. Self esteem issues can really hurt your self image and how you feel about you. It is important that you respect your needs and wants and put you first to get things back on track."
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/want-to-take-pride-in-being-myself-and.html
and depression: http://helpguide.org/topics/depression.html
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A
female
reader, ElizaS01 +, writes (4 February 2012):
 I've been told i'm beautiful, sexy, hot, pretty etc; and i never believe it or take it to heart because i genuinely feel like rubbish. I used to hate my figure, my features, everything a guy said he liked about me, i despised.
I come across an inspirational quote that made me realise i should love myself for who i am, i shouldnt get myself down.
Lifes WAY too short to spend being upset and hating everything about yourself. There is so much pressure to be perfect it's unreal. Size 4-6 isnt pretty. Be proud of who you are. Be proud of your shape. Look at celebrities like Rihanna and Beyonce, they have curves and they're in the top 10 sexiest women!
1 example; Marilyn Monroe, she was curvy, she was beautiful!
You are not ugly.
You're beautiful.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 February 2012):
 It's not to do with what guys you liked did or who they went for. Bad self esteem, or twisted image of one self, comes from you, and not from your surroundings. That is why it will not help of people call you pretty. Nor does it matter if people call you ugly. Because all you'll see is what you want to see. And THAT is quite normal for most people. People also tend to remember the negative and ignore the positive. You can hear 10 nice things and then one bad and all you can think of will be that ONE bad comment. That's pretty standard thinking.
However, a twisted body image can be abnormal, depending on the degree of disillusion. Narcissist think they are by far greater than they actually are, and that is termed as a personality disorder. Anorectic people think they are fatter than they really are, and that too is seen as an illness. So there are degrees.
There is no one who can say that "this exact thinking" is the "exact normality", because no one can read the others mind. We can only know what is normal for us, one self. Other people probably think like you about themselves. And then again tons of others wont think like you do.
I don't know many ways to build confidence other than stop putting meaning to what people think of you. If you genuinely do not give a damn about what people say then that's what most people define as being confident. Confidence is really about believing in yourself and that you can accomplish things... it's not really about thinking that you look pretty, but more of accepting who you are and how you look without judging it to be either bad or great.
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