A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm on my way to being divorced. I've been separated for well over a year. I started dating a few months ago. I started seeing a well educated professional woman who has fallen hard for me. I like her a lot. My problem is that I don't want a comitted relationship yet and told her that. I told her we have to go slow and that I have to settle my affairs first with my soon to be X before I can start a serious relationship with her. She seems to push, she tells me she's in love with me. She talks about where we'll live and it makes me uncomfortable. I have been honest with her about everything and yet she's still pushing. I haven't told any of my friends about her, but my daughter's have met her and they like her a lot. I like her a lot too, and if I let myself go I could easilly fall in love with her but I seem to have a guard up on letting this happen. I recently was told by a friend that a woman we both know wants to date me. I want to go out with her too but I'm not comfortable about breaking this other womans heart by telling her I'm going to date others. I have not comitted to her in any way. I have dated a few women before I met her and I really wasn't happy with any of them until she came along. We do have a lot in common except that she has a masters and I only have a high school diploma. She is a great woman. Am I an idiot for taking a chance on losing a great woman who is very in love with me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): I think if you aren't swept of your feet, and she is... you have a problem.
I'm going through a divorce as well, and I've met a wonderful woman, and I don't have any of the concerns you have at this point.
I think if you want to date other women, then you need to let her go - if you thought she was wonderful, then you'd have done something about it by now... right?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): in my opinion i think um... YES, stay with her see what happens! It sounds like it could really work!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 Your not an idiot, if you arent ready then your not ready, but maybe ask yourself why is that barrier there? Is it because you got hurt at the end of your marriage? Maybe you could overcome your anxieties and let your barrier down, if you like this women then who knows you might be very happy together.
Yet if you are not ready to commit in to a relationship then tell her you are going to date others and date this other women, but just remember if the dates fail and you realise that you like this women that is in love with you then it may be to late as she may have moved on.
Whichever you choose good luck.
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A
female
reader, Bibeauty  +, writes (3 October 2010):
 You are not being an idiot. You are just probably still healing from your separation and that's totally natural. If this woman is in love with you the way she says she is, she needs to respect your process. She needs to respect that she needs to be a little patient and help you open up to her. Her pushing is only pushing you further away. I had a similar situation with ex boyfriend whom I told I didn't want a relationship and he "compromised" by saying we don't have to be in a relationship so long as I don't have any relation with anyone else. This of course pushed me further away and I bet her talking about where you guys will live is freaking you out as it should. You need to explain to her that although you have feelings for her you need time. She CAN help you by making you feel as comfortable as possible which means NOT pushing you and making you feel safe. I think that if you do have feelings for her you SHOULD go for it on your own terms. Move slow, and stay optimistic. Those who truly love will love unconditionally.
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