A
male
age
41-50,
*ndianna
writes:Bit of a long one this. A few months ago i met up with an old school friend. before we met up we'd been emailing and texting each other a lot. during this time our feelings for each other grew. we both felt an emotional and sexual connection. we met up, things were a bit awkward partly because we hadn't seen each other for 15 years, and in the end we ended up sleeping wit each other. the following day she said she didn't want things to go any further because she had commitment issues. i accepted this because i know she's had horrible experiences in the past, including an abusive ex-husband. anyway, after a week or so we both realised we couldn't live with out each other and starting dating. From that point on it's been fantastic. the issue i have is that i have found out that during the build up to us meeting up for the first time she was dating someone else. i don't mind this as such as i suppose we weren't exclusive at the time. but two days after we first met and she bolted she had this other guy round for dinner. i don't mind this so much as we weren't together at the time. i asked her about it an she said that they kissed and nothing more happened because she realised she was falling for me and she swore she didn't sleep with him. however, there were a few inaccuracies in her story about i so i asked her to tell me the truth about what happened. we had big row because she got so upset because she had told be the truth about this other guy from the start and that i had no reason to doubt her. she made me feel awful for ever doubting her and for not having 100% trust in her from the start. She played the guilt trip card perfectly and we nearly split up over it. now i have found out that she did sleep with him. this is a fact, no doubts about it. she made me feel so bad for doubting her when in fact i was right all along. she accused me of not trusting her word when in fact it was her that was lying. she made me feel guilty and bad about myself when it was her that was in the wrong.we are now stupidly in love and thinking of committing to eachother long term. should i let bygones be bygones and forgive her for lying because i do trust her now? or should i bring it up so that she knows she can't get away with it in the future. i'm worried that if i do bring it up i may lose her but then I don't want her thinking she can get away with lying to me and treating me like a fool. advice please?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): having sex with someone else and lying about it is a BIG DEAL. if you can live with lies and half truths then please go ahead. if you have more a better moral value system then alarm bells should be going off. what is your relationship based on? lies? half truths? Inaccuracies? this woman lied to you deliberately and repeated and made you look and feel like a bastard for doubting her when in actual fact she accidentally purposefully slipped and fell on this other mans penis (another uncle used to use almost the exact words, love this phrase, it shows intent). you have been making your bed with a liar, can you trust her after she lied repeatedly. SHE HAS MADE YOU A FOOL AND SHE HAS GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT. WHY? BECAUSE YOU LET HER. you are so scared to lose her, lose what. a liar. this woman has you wrapped around her little finger and you appear as the insecure insignificant other. time to "be a man" and not take her sh1t any more. confront her, that is the only way but be careful in future, she is a convincing liar even if caught red handed she is so smooth, she will get away with it. you are not her doormat. she treated you like a piece of sh1t when you questioned her, she covered up her lies, and she was good at it. the issue here is not that she had sex with this other man (who I might add was just a casual someone in her life), the issue here is her lies and her cover up of said lies and she conveniently shifted the blame to you for casting doubt. wow, she is a piece of work!your choice. but do not say you have not been warned. you have a smooth operator on your hands, so smooth that she will slip out and get away with it. and in the end she will blame you and accuse you of not trusting her. watch this one. trouble with a capital T.
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