A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is suddenly claiming that I don't give her enough space and seems secretive about her email should I be worried? I on the other hand have always been an open book, i don't care who is behind me as I write email or anything else. She has changed a lot since her diagnosis, but claims that these things have always bothered her, but she used to ignore it. I also read about something called "chemo brain" whereas the chemotherapy in ones body results in mood swings, forgetfulness, as well as confusion and agitation. How am I supposed to handle and register all this? She claims not to be cheating, but still what do I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all of you for your responses. A lot has happened to my gf in the last year in addition to the cancer. She broke ties with her family and we bought our first home. We are doing much better now and I just have to stay positive. I have a tendency to think suspicious or bad thoughts when she is not around and I am learning to try to stop fixating. It is not easy, because finding that e-mail really tore me open. I am learning to trust her again, because the way she looks at me, touches me, and loves me cannot be a lie. I feel loved again and thank god for that ! I just pray that her next set of tests will show that she is in remission. thank you again for your help.
A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo  +, writes (18 March 2010):
 She doesnt trust you because no matter why you did it looking at het emails that one time has broken the privacy trust ( i am not having a go trust me i have done it myself thats why i know) so now she feels you are checking up on her even if you are not which will cause her to be the way. Now about the older woman and the feeling your girlfriend my have for her are clearly not mutual so i do not believe anything is happening between them but that dos not mean everything is oki. Iy sounds likke there arfe many cracks and i think the best then i can say is you need to sit down and have a serious talk tell her everything that you feel and that is not working and im sure she will do the same to you, then when everything is out in the open you will no where things stand. x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I should have also told you guys that since December (about the time of her diagnoses) she has treated me very differently and has befriended a much older woman at work. I found an email sent from my girlfriend to her and it was professing strong romantic feelings. after I approached her about it she stated that she had a treatment that day and some beer and feels close to this woman and she has an ailment that is life threatening as well. She claims that she does not know why she wrote that email and that she really is not attracted to her. The womans response to the email simply stated that she is straight and the attraction is that of a substitute mother who was very missing in my GF;s life. I guess this older woman helped her through a difficult time (chemo treatments that is). My GF chose not to tell me about her diagnoses until she was sure she was going to be alright, but at the same time isolated me dearly. My GF talks to this woman everyday and this still makes me uneasy. I am trying to ignore this. She says that she loves me, but at the same time she says that I became too serious with age. However in my defense, I am helping her to raise her daughter who without a doubt is challenging because of her limitations and can be most aggravating at times.So maybe that is why I am serious and exhausted by the time I get home? In addition my gf has found so may things I say and do to be aggravating and she doesn't seem to trust me since I dipped into her email that one time (it was only because I was suspicious). Is this the chemo brain too? What am I supposed to do?
...............................
A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Perhaps take her at her word, for now. I'm assuming she has some form of cancer as you say she is having chemotherapy. She may be going through a lot of emotional turmoil, which could explain her need for space. It could be her way of dealing with the situation, to push you away a little so she can sort her head out. It is possible that the chemotherapy is having an effect on her mood and thus her behaviour. Try to give her space as best as you can, don't jump to the conclusion that she's cheating because she doesn't want to share everything with you. Let her know you are there for her and hopefully she will open up to you again in time.
Of course there is a possibility that she is cheating with the secretive behaviour, but it could just be to do with her illness and chemo, so don't assume it is cheating just yet.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (17 March 2010):
If the only reason you have to suspect that she is cheating is the email thing, then i do not think that you have alot to worry about on the cheating front atleast. Chemo brain is condition and mood swings are a huge part of its effects. I think the best thing you can do is be considerate to this and let things go that you may normally not as she is clearly going throu a hard time and needs your support not suspicion. hope this helps =]
...............................
|
