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Students Falling in love with Their Teachers can really hurt? Your Opinions?

Tagged as: Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 July 2008) 54 Answers - (Newest, 9 June 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, *emolition-lovers writes:

Students look up to teachers because they're smart. They are mature. They're possibly good looking. They've had interesting lives. All the things all people look for in a character.

But students can't do anything about it.

So their own passion is locked away in a box. And over time it doesn't go away, but expands. And continues but this box doesn't get any bigger. They develop more feelings. They can't keep it in.

Eventually this box will explode...

A mix of emotions go through their heads. Some actually do care about their teachers. They care that they're happy. They want to look after them. They want to be there.

They want to mean something to them. They want them to care and they can't get it out of their heads. Until eventually all the suffering previously is wasted on them leaving them forever...

I don't believe students and teachers have the brightest of futures even if they do end up together. Things might not work out, partly do to the social image on them. How other people look on them...

Its easy to fall for your teacher, and most have at one point. Serious or not. There is no solution to it either. Teachers are just fantastic people who attract people who are growing up.

but people have to start understanding that it is hard for the pupil as well, it can be very painful for them, and they don't need people telling them not to do something they weren't planning on doing. I am not specifically aiming at any particular people who answer these sorts of questions. I am simply saying. Have empathy.

And trust me, being totally in love with your teacher that hurts...when all u can think of everyday,in school, when you go anywhere is your teacher..and then one day they move school and all is left a brokened heart which hurts alot..

so what are people's Opinons?


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A female reader, azira-chan Philippines +, writes (9 June 2013):

azira-chan agony auntI do admit that I've got a huge crush for my professor, well he is not that good-looking but still I fall for him that deep especially when me the whole class got immersion, everytime I see him I want to look good in front of him I try to be best but falling for him makes me realize the gap between ours, I don't know why I fall for him maybe he is so good explaining things for us students and me seeing him tellingus his ambitions and dreams in his life makes me hard to stop my feeling towards him and though I finally graduate still that feeling won't stop though I haven't see him in person which makes me blush; I still check his fb for his updates which is me still hoping for my feelings for him be rewarded. 3

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A female reader, MsUnforgetable United States +, writes (30 January 2013):

I Am A Girl Whos Been Feeling Emotionally Physically & Mentally Involved With My Elementary Teacher. I Met Her Back In The 7th Grade IM 20 Now & We Still Keep In Touch. Everytime I see her my heart skips a beat,I get weak , I cant control my smiling & I Blush...i Use to think i was the only person that EVER felt like that being as though Im a female myself I found it kind of weird to have these strange feelings for someone I know I could Never Have, What I really found weird was that I was so attracted to this female. I never was against the gay community or anything but I couldnt understand how fascinated I was with her and how I found her so amazing when I wasnt into girls & I knew for a fact she wasnt either. It Has Been 5Years Now Since I Havent Went To My Eementary School And I Still Find Myself Thinking About Her Dreaming About Her & Reading Old Messages We Use To Send Each Other & Even Old Yahoo Messages We Sent Each Other. Alot Of Kids Use To Be Mad At ME Because Of The Way She Treated Me, I Use To Think It Was Wrong The Way She Use To Care And Show Me Love And Affection Because I NEVER Had That Before. But The Feeling I Get Around Her Is A fEELING NO ONE Has Ever Made Me Feel. I Had A Friend , AND Theyre Friend Call Me A Stalker Because I Was So Attatched To Her. What Made That So Wrong Was I Believed Them So I Tried My Best To Stay Away From Her & I Couldnt Resists.. From Time To Time I Find Myself At My Old School Saying Hello To Everyone & Only Really Wanting To See & Say Hello To Her. I Know We Wont Be A Couple I Dont Want To Be, But The Thought Of Her Being In My Life Is Constantly Running Through My Mind. i Use To Dream Of Days That She Would Ask Me How Do I really Feel About Her & I Tell Her And Wouldnt Get Judged. I Use To Find Myself Crying About Situations Like This Because I Absolutely Adore Her. Her Whole Image Her Persona & Even The Way We Converse With Each Other When Were Mad .. I Dont Understand This Strange Feeling I HAVE Towards Her, But I Dont Want Them To Leave. I Never In My Whole 20Years Of Living Felt The Way I Fell About Her, Shes The Same Person That Came Make Me Mad And IN Moments Later We Can SMile And Laugh About It & I Suddenly Dont Be Mad Anymore I Continue To Have The Same Feelings I Did When We First Met.I Dont Want This Feeling To Go Away But I Dont Want This To Be A Bad Thing.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012):

Modnote: answer not published as it could represent crime if the poster is under the age of consent. Poster of this answer is urged to consider the implications to Social worker if the poster is under age of consent.

Note this is a long term question that has been in place a long time and as poster posted their answer anonymously this is the only way to give the poster of this answer any advice on their post

In my case it's not a teacher, but very similar.

It's my social worker.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2012):

The same is happening with me.

I'm feeling very very very deeply for my Psychology teacher in college. Dont know his age, married or not or having any girlfriend.

But his personality, his way of teaching impressed me a lot. Always thinking of him.

In the psychology class there are actually more then 50 students, and i have no idea of impressing him specially. i always try to do all his homeworks but other studious students are also doing the same.

Don't know whether i'll have him as my teacher in future but its really hurting me a lot.

my condition is getting worse day by day im 18 now, an adult. i also don't have the courage to directly speak out about my feeling to him.

but i need him so much.

what to do? dont have any idea.

i don't knw whether this strong feeling for my teacher is any way wrong but i cannot help this any way. having a pinch of relief by sharing my incident with others here . i wish everyone best of luck. thanks.

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A female reader, Pnovln4life United States +, writes (7 July 2012):

I'm a graduated senior from hs & I have known my music teacher for the past 2 years. It was never love at first sight, actually I didn't even like him as a person the first year I had him. He was always surrounded by horny freshmen girls & always had a scowl on his face. But he liked having me as a student because I was mature, quiet, & always knew the answers/highest gpa etc.

When I told him that I decided to sign up for the second class (I was deciding between ap music theory or ap chem) he was a little indifferent. I didn't care though, because I was so focused on college, maintaining high grades, doing well, etc.

My senior year I would always practice in one of the glass practice rms in the music office & he would either be a) sitting back & watching me or b) following me in the rm and asking me what I was working on. He was thoroughly impressed by my piano playing because that was not his main instrument and i would always tease him about how much he sucked at it lol

The teasing kept continuing and he was always interested in where I was, what I was doing, etc. we found out that we had sooo much in common & I have a good feeling that he is very attracted to me, as I am to him now.

I cannot stop thinking about him, it hurts soo much that I want to cry. I think it is the fact that I feel that we are a perfect fit and no guy has ever concentrated so much effort to be around me before. Also, he is single, and the idea that I may have a chance with this guy also makes me like him more.

The gap is 20yrs, but I don't care. He uses fb to keep in touch w/ all of his students but I don't have one, so we text instead. We text for usually 4-5 hrs and I hardly doubt he PM's any of his fb friends for that long. Plus he always texts me first.

I don't know where we will go from here. In my sick heart I fantasize that we will get married and spend the rest of our lives together. I am hoping he will text me one day to see a movie or something so that I know he really is interested in me that way. Until then I can only dream and try to focus on the amazing college I will be going to, but it is so hard when he is the only thing I want in my life right now.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012):

My situation is embarrasing. Not only is the man I "fell in love" with a teacher, BUT A PRIEST. Yes, a priest. Where I live religion is a school subject, and priests from our parish come to teach it. So you'll believe me that I had NO inclination whatsoever to fall for him. It didn't even occur to me that it was a possibility. He is a grown man, over 35 for sure. At first I think it's safe to say he didn't particularly like me. I wasn't very religious and was sort of ignorant. My parents sort of let religion slide, we weren't the kind of family that read the bible at sunday dinner or whatever. I felt indifferent. He was just some new teacher, what do I care. Months went by and I slowly started to notice that he was starting to be really nice to me. Just out of the blue. I'm very quiet and calm. Those were his words. Anyway, he started giving me special attention. I just thought: well, cool. I didn't know why he behaved that way. There was this one moment during class he, out of context, said my name. And had this smirk on his face. I blushed and looked away, not knowing what he was on about. I looked back up and he was still staring at me, smiling in a sort of dirty way. At that point I didn't even know he knew my name. That sort of initially triggered something in me. But i was still oblivious. There were other little things, like him exclaiming to everyone that he'd sit next to me while the class watched a movie. And him giving me an A+ for my semester grade, while I really deserved a B. For being calm and mature and other stuff he said when he was explaining himself. And then, like 2 months later, that one moment happened, when I knew I had feelings for him. He touched my hand and looked deep into my eyes. That shocked me. And things went wrong from there. I was convinced that I loved him, and that i had to tell him. Thank God I never did. The spur of the moment, all of the emotions played with my head.I got depressed. COuldn't eat or sleep. Started to behave crazily around him, completely different. Immature. I'm never like that. I'm a quiet, shy girl that nobody notices. But I usually think rationally and people tell me I'm really mature for my age. No one has ever made me behave like that. Lose my head. I don't know what came over me. I walked around the church, just hoping to get a glimpse. That was only a couple of months ago. I told my bestfriend and she started to treat me like I was a lunatic. Didn't support me at all. Avoided me. Then I slapped myself in the face, literally, and told myself I was stupid and should pull myself together. I'm almost there, but its been really tough. I still get butterflies every time I see him, but he started to completley appear indifferent towards me. Like he knows, or suspects, and is condemning me as immature and stupid. Not that I blame him. No one has the right to underestimate the pain that students go through when they get infatuated with a teacher. It hurts like hell. And reading the Thorn Birds didn't help me AT ALL ;P But I'll get through it. I feel so much better, having written it all out like that. I'm glad I found this forum. I feel a bit more normal.

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A female reader, starry-eyed Mexico +, writes (17 February 2012):

I really thought I was alone in all of this..

my story is rather... long. and complicated.

it started out one morning when a girl in my class asked if id like to join the music class. I had nothing to do all week and was sick and tired of coming home to do.. well, nothing. and so, I agreed.

When I first met my teacher i had serious doubts about even liking his methods of teaching, because a) he was late and b) he just.. didnt give off a 'teacherly'vibe. but then...

i heard him sing. That, was amazing. he is a wonderful singer and he plays guitar superbly. his class just became so fun. we would all share about our lives at first, to get to know each other. He was unorthodox, but funny and also caring about his students, always open.

Of course i adored that class, it was so liberating and fun, even though i barely talked, and when i did it was at such a low volume he had to lean in to listen to me. a few months passed and we would talk about his life more, and hed ask me to stay after class to observe his work with other students or to practice my singing on a particular song.

well, i didnt know it at first, but.. i began to fall for this man. this funny, nice, caring man.

I also got to see the ther side of him, when the teaching mask fell off. and at first i was dissapointed but i learned to accept that, as well.

and for a while we were kind of like great friends. except, id come home blushing and i began to feel nervous in class when i didnt used to me. Te day it finally hit me, he asked if i liked anyone.

i think he was joking, but i said.. that i did like someone, but it was impossible for them to like me back. he looked me in the eye and said "you never know, he may just like you too"

month and a half after that, we were sitting there after school. hed asked me to tell him who i liked. i thought he was trying to be nice, since id tried to give him advice on his relationship.

( i should note hes 29 and im 16 )

well.. i told him i liked him. he was. speechless. for a whole two minutes. and so nervous.

and i felt so.. elated when he said he liked me too.

trouble is.. im shy, im inexperienced, talking about my feelings is hard. and hes all fire, passion, love and insistence. its... tough. and morally, for me anyway, incorrect to like someone thas older than me and a teacher. its never happened before

but, i cant forget him. i tried to. i spoke respectfully, only when I needed to. i tried to skip class, and all igot was lectured. i tried to avoid participating, and avoid sitting near him.

nothing worked. and even if it had, i just couldnt let him go. it hurt, not talking to him. its so wrong to like him. and him to like me... but... i cant renounce this. i tried, i really did. =/ and guys my age.. arent like him. i dont want to settle... its not about his looks or his status... its simply him. i worry that because hes older hell just use me, you know?

heres to hoping this teenage form of love doesnt come back to bite me in the ass one day.

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A female reader, ccormie141 United States +, writes (31 August 2011):

ccormie141 agony auntI am the same situation,i am in love with a teacher of mine.It will end in pain because i know he doesnt love me back.I know its hard to do,but the best thing to do is try and get over him...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011):

6yrs ago my male teacher began teaching me and I was 12yrs old, I had a crush on him at this point and was always playing up in class so he would send me out just so I had 2minutes alone with him (haha)then months went by and I felt terrible that I was being horrible to him to try and get his attention, I was going the wrong way about it. So I behaved well and even did extra work, he noticed my improvements and I was the happiest girl, he also listened to me when I was going through a rough stage at home and helped me through it which developed my feelings for him even further.

towards the end of the school year, with a week until the summer holidays, he announces that he's leaving. I was so crushed and as I liked him too much I couldn't even say bye to him, I was too gutted. Not even gonna lie, not a day passed when I didn't think about him the following school year, it was so different, however, it was strange to see my grades going up as I didn't have him as my distraction in my class,so I was able to focus. Then, the following year (now 14/15yrs old)i couldn't believe it.

First day back to school I just had a feeling that I would see him, but how could I when he didn't even live in the country anymore. I walked past the classroom where he used to teach and saw his name on the door, i was! 2seconds later he walks out the door and nods and says hello, then wht do you know, I'm in his class. I was in a state that day, shock and happiness I could not beleieve it.

we had chats after class sometimes and he would ask me to help out too, he's married with kids, and 20yrs older than me. (i'm 18) he taught me the following year too and i became the horrible student, ten times worse than I had been, and then it was time to leave, but I stayed on for sixth form.

I would not have been able to get into sixth form if it was not for him, he persuaded my teacher to allow me to do a-levels as my previous exam grades were not good. why did he want to help me get into sixth form when i had been so horrible to him? he made my day, he always singled me out in lessons and no word of a lie, other students would say he must love me, and comment on the way he is with me but i think its because he knows what i'm like if you understand....

so anyway, he helped get me into sixth form (bless him, i thanked him so much) and oh my gosh, in his class AGAIN for the next 2 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he has taught me for 5 years and I have only developed stronger feelings towards him. its so bad, even if he bends down to mark another students work i get jealous tht he is with them and not me. and i have finally left school now, he says to stay in touch but i think most teachers say that anyway. 6years loving him and 5years of him teaching me!!!!!!!!!!!!! and now for that to suddenly all go, i will never see him again (unless i visit of course). it hurts so much. :( xxxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011):

oh boy i don't even know were to start i was in 7th grade now in ninth and fell for my world cultures teacher...i was always quite so not many people knew..hes the skinny jeans long brown curly hair type and it didn't help at all that he was in a band. I'm young...the next year i moved so i went to his concerts so i fell for him as a rock star and being 15 now i still have a crush for him its crazy...its not a big thank god for another guy in a band that i fell for...but my best friend was sooo much worse...she fanasised wrote stories about it and i love her for being so brave to tell him she had a this day i look up to him soooo much and hes just an amazing person 7th grade wouldn't have been what it was without him and i kinda thank him for it cuz he showed me that i could have that special feeling

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A female reader, Imasweetthing90 United States +, writes (28 May 2011):

I agree that student teacher relationships are far more often than not all bad news. About a year and a half after I graduated from high school I broke off my engagement and desperately needed someone to talk to. A teacher of mine from high school just happened to be available to talk at the time and had recently gone through a divorce so he knew exactly what I was feeling. We traded emails, then texts, and phone calls, and started hanging out. We were both lonely and well we decided to date casually. Even though I was twenty, my parents found out and started sending him threatening messages. And since it HAD been less than two years since I was his student, it didn't look very good. I was devastated. I felt so betrayed by my parents, and I was angry at society in general for making something like this so taboo. What we did wasn't wrong, but it wasn't accepted either. Now both of us are a little more broken than when we started.

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A female reader, Afternoon Albania +, writes (26 April 2011):

I want to talk with the girl who wrote in 18 FEBRUARY,2011

(A reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011):)

She wrote anonymous so I don't know how to contact her,but i really want to....


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A female reader, 16finix Bangladesh +, writes (30 March 2011):

I am a university student and in love with a male teacher for more than one year. He is 10 yrs older than me but i think its perfect. it seems we are just made for each other... our thoughts,behaviour, likes,dislikes are all same. Though he is married i think we can make this happen ... :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011):

This is great!

I started high school for a couples of years ago and saw for the first time my computer teacher (Who is 17 years older then me) and i was very attracted to him. The thing is that this attraction grew bigger for everytime i saw him and eventually i really fell in love with him.

It's not easy to hide those feelings so the rest of my class know it... and kind of teasing me for it. But i don't think he know it... the teacher.

But i thought i was alone and that it was something wrong with me. I'm so happy to see that there is more out there with the same problem like me.

But please... tell me... what should i do? I love him so much... but he got a beatyful wife and four kids, i just want him to know it but i don't know if i should tell him or not.

I've never been in love before.

Big hugs to you all! 3

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011):

Oh, this is true and weird because we can tell anybody about this.I also fall in love with my teacher.Year gap between me and my teacher is 11 years but i still like him.That is crazy i know but i can't forgot him that is so sad.I try to forget him but i can't means it is passed long time 3 and a half year.

One of my friend know that because of my behavior towards him.But i can talk anything about him to anybody because that's weird.That is not the love of first sight.I really realized about it when i am jealous.He also do something that the real reason to love him so deeply.

after three years i just want to tell about my feelings but i afraid of that he gonna hate me after that.That's so typical.

I think that's my first love not attraction.I wish that never be happen but otherwise I will never be so mature.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011):

omg i agree... it can really hurt. im a female who has a deep infatuation with a teacher who really isnt my teacher anymore, but its really hard for me ( she found out and lets just say she didnt react like i thought she might, i can't talk to her at all or have any contact with her) that hurts alot. I still think about her everyday.I just can't get over her. i write songs about her and everything, i find myself crying my eyes out because i miss her soooo much. i savor the momemts in which i can accidently "bump" into her. every one i try to talk about it seems to say something along the lines of .... just forget about her or its just a crush, it will go away in due time but it wont cause its been three years already and nothing has changed. i just want her to like me/notice me. i wish with all my heart that i could do something about it , but the truth is i can't..... i kinda wish i never met her, but then i would never have experience such a great feeling like this.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011):

Totally agree with this...

Everyone knows that nothing can happen between students and teachers - especially through school and college... university however, is a totally different story as it isn't illegal for a student teacher relationship as they are adults.

I am a second year university student and I have a crush on one of my male lecturers... he is sweet, caring and funny. He is 44 and I am 20 so a 24 year age gap... he is single with no kids. Every time he see's me he comes over and if I am with my friends he will just be friendly but if I am on my own he becomes really flirty... He treats me different than everyone else and if I am upset he sits with me in his office and doesn't let me out of his sight until he knows I am ok.

We have a really close student and teacher bond and because my friends have seen the way he acts when with me they know that he likes me as more than a friend and student, and its weird that whenever he sees me with another guy he gets jealous... but then again whenever I see him hug another girl I get jealous and he knows about it and that it miffs me off... so obviously he does it even more just to wind me up... because he knows I will refuse to talk to him and plus he said he likes comforting me!

He is always asking about my love life and keeps hinting that I should date guys over 10 years older than myself because they have cars and money... (I hope he isn't talking about himself!)... one of my friends said that when I graduate next year he can see me and this teacher "getting together" - we won't as I would never let that happen as it's not right!

It is hard having a crush on a teacher but the best thing to do is find a nice guy your own age... I have found one but its complicated... just my luck :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011):

Oh my god, I thought I was alone.... lol!

What's worse... I'm a female - and I've loved one of my female teachers for nearly 2 years now... :S

I know it's wrong - but when I first met her ages back on some induction college day I thought, oh she seems like a really sweet woman helping me out - and then boom a few months later I'm registered for her class. By the end of the first week I noticed something special in her - tried to put this weird new feeling away as I knew it'd grow and be a bad thing.

But then I just found her so caring, sweet, beautiful, funny and she seemed really young - I guessed her age at around 24 (7 years older than me) because she honestly seemed so young physically and the way she acted as well. I also see myself as quite mature and have only liked older people (Used to like an older woman at work until she left and it took about 6 months to get rid of those attractions) I then realized a year later that my teacher was a bit older... (still not sure how old but I think nearer the 30 mark) so say about 10 yearsish difference between us.

I've spoken about these feelings towards her to only two of my friends. One of which keeps reminding me I need to let her go (BUT I CAN'T!) I've tried forgetting etc. My other friend admitted she was attracted to another female teacher - but she wasn't 'in love' as I was describing and then as soon as this teacher's appearance changed - that was it, she didn't like her anymore.

But with my teacher, I miss her, think about her in classes - about her looks she gives me, what we chat about sometimes - I get nervous and excited before all of her lessons and I'm so happy when she's happy and smiling. Sometimes when she's been in a bad mood it's completely rubbed off on me without me realizing so much that I'm in a bad mood until the next day when she's chilled and happy again!

I'm always willing to do things for her and favours but when other people ask me for the same type of help I just think... I really don't have the time to help you... but if she's asking - that's it! I do the work or whatever straight away for her.

She's so sweet and I always get blown away when I look at her - she's the most beautiful woman ever. I've never liked guys before and I really wish I didn't feel this way about her, but at the same time I really love that I love her so much because it's an amazing feeling. It's just frustrating that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it but just enjoy the time I have left with her classes. I'm dreading leaving. :( I'll miss her so much!! Even the weekends and 'reading week' holidays I miss her loads that I'm so so so happy when I see her on the return!

Sorry - it's just so good to get this out and to read other stories who are in the same situation. Thank you for making me feel not alone - my two friends don't seem to understand how much I love her. It's not something I can forget/ignore... having spent 2 years fighting against these feelings! She's too strong and amazing! :)

Thank you and I hope I've not annoyed you with this haha! xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011):

Yes it can ONLY IF YOU ALLOW IT,only if you allow yourself to be know for me there's nothing wrong in falling in love as long as you know where your limitations is and as long as you know how to accept that not everything you want you get..for me,it's just a matter of acceptance and facing reality, because i think you fall in love more to your teacher because you are constantly thinking of him, imagining that he is yours and you do things together, that's it, just wake up from that dream of yours, live in the real world,because the longer you dwell dreaming and imagining that your teacher is yours,the more you are prolonging your AGONY,but perhaps,even if you know that this will just lead you to one destination called agony,you still continue to do so because doing so makes you happy, but i tell you when these doings are tolerated you'll certainly find yourself crying at the corner filled with frustrations and depressions, i know these are easier said than done but you know TRUE LOVE WILL FIND IT'S WAY,i believe in that (and i hope you too:) )..,just wait for the right time, if he is the one for you then surely someday he will be yours,maybe not now..things happen for a purpose..

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A female reader, Anonymous118 United States +, writes (23 December 2010):

I disagree with the stated cause of attraction, but passionately agree with everything else. Some students don't always fall in love with a teacher because he or she is experienced, or smart, or mature. In fact, I strongly believe that some students and teachers are meant to be together; that they are extremely compatible, just like any other successful partners are. We are all just people, and it sucks when the person you belong with is you said, even if they wait until graduation to act on their attraction, their futures are bleak. But on the other hand, it never helps when people admonish a student for his or her attraction. They know it can never happen and most likely don't have the courage to even confess to their teacher. So support them, because the pain of unattainable love doesn't fade without years of determined effort.

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A female reader, Raina Viet Nam +, writes (2 December 2010):

Well, I dont love my teacher because he's smart or mature or good-looking. I love mature people but to me he's not mature at all. He's nothing like my crushes or my bf before, he's not even my type. But you know, when I think about him it hurts so bad, and my tears just falling down, I cant control them. I love him so much and I wish he could read your question. If he love me too please wait for me. About the society stuff, well, he just taught me in three day, that's all. It's not a big deal isnt it?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010):

I agree 200% on this because of firsthand experience. I've been in love (maybe) with a teacher for the past 14 months (longest attraction I've ever had to anyone, by a landslide). He's not my teacher anymore and that just makes it even more painful. It's always been kinda tough. Especially considering my friends, if I even trust them enough to tell them (which is pretty uncommon for me), don't take it seriously.

But of course, rude friends aren't the only factor of my pain. There is the fact that there is an ENORMOUS age difference between me and him, like, 40 years... Gah. He's in his early 50's. He's actually pretty athletic and attractive for his age but that doesn't make it any better that he could almost be my GRANDFATHER. I mean I like him for his personality, so that shouldn't matter, but it does matter. A lot.

Oh and then, like you said... there's that other really important thing; the feeling obviously isn't mutual in my case and even if it was I can't do anything about it. The teacher I like/love/whatever is really... erm, sarcastic and immature at times... (though he's extremely smart...) and he definitely picked on me quite a lot in class (which probably made my feelings deeper, believe it or not, because he WAS paying attention to me and y'know, that makes you like a person more). And sometimes he would just act in a way towards me that made me and even a few other people think "hmmm, that's not normal, even for him. What's up with that?" But for the most part I don't think he really liked me more than a student. Oh, but then because we kind of talked a lot, made it a whole lot worse when the year was over and I had to leave his class for good. It still hasn't fully hit me yet but I still tear up multiple times a day (and generally I'm so unemotional!) thinking about how I will NEVER be in his class again. Nothing will EVER be the same.

Grrrrrrrr and then it used to be like, so frustrating. I want to impress him, but I want to talk to him pretty much every chance I get, but that just makes me creepy, but I don't want to annoy him because when he gets annoyed or frustrated it honestly upsets me, and I love to see him laughing or smiling because it means he's in a good mood... etc. And when you're a socially awkward teenager, finding the balance between being mature, being funny; being able to talk to someone very often, and not being annoying is NOT easy.

But I truly love him so, so much. He teaches my favorite subject, for one. He also doesn't act like he's so much smarter than us (like some teachers). Yes, he disciplines people when necessary but other than that he talks to us like he talks to... anyone else, really. He's also really smart like I said. I adore it when I get to have a real non-sarcasm-based conversation with him because of his intelligence and everything... But he also has a sense of humor. Not to mention his voice and eyes are amazing... Oh my gosh, now I'm running on&on(&I could say so much more) about nothing that matters to you, sorry!

So yeah. It sucks. It is just like that box metaphor you used. And it does really hurt; there are a lot of factors against us. And people should at least be able to understand that we genuinely are in pain.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010):

Im soo in love at the mninute, and its soo hard to believe because alot of bad things have happened in my short life and when i moved far away, i had never ever thought i could fall in love again. I was wrong. Mr Scullion? Woaah. My dream boyfriend, at least thats what i thought. Words describing him were unexplainable because my feelings for him were too personal. I've realised how sad i am because there is a 12 year difference and im only 13 years old. At the time i was told i would get over the crush but at that point i was like 'neevverrr' but now gradually over the past year i have just slowly faded away from him because i have realised that he actually doesnt want anything to do with me, no matter how much i wanted him. It actually crushed me to know that everytime i looked at him, he just wanted to look away, or anytime i forgot homeworks, it was straight in the formbook like any other pupil in my class, i guess im just trying to point out to you to try not to get your hopes up soo high that they wont come down again becasue i had my heart broken. And trust me it really did hurt.

Im Carley and im thankfully over him!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010):

well my story is very very embaressing, because i am a girl and i have fallen in love with my female teacher who is gay and is in a relationship with a woman who used to go to the same school as her and me about 5-7 years ago. so that makes me think i actually have a chance because she is dating an ex student of hers but it is even more arkward because my mother works at the school and my sister goes to the school and they are the only ones who know about it and since i told my mom i fell in love with her she isn't that good friends with her anymore. what am i sposed to do? give up hope? or carry on giving signs to her hoping she feels the same way and when i leave she will tell me she loves me? im thinking about leaving because it really brakes my heart when i she her smiling at other girls and talking to other teachers i get really jealous! WHAT SHOULD I DO? help me please? my mother is saying i should have a shrink but i dont know if it a good idea?

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A female reader, PissyNovelist Canada +, writes (11 May 2010):

PissyNovelist agony auntI soo know where you are coming from. It IS just as hard on the student's side. Especially for the female students. Not saying that the boys don't have those hardships. They do, but I think female's take it to a different scale.

Being a female student in love with her older male teacher is quite difficult for me to cope with. I see him everyday, knowing full well I need to keep these emotions inside that box that will eventually explode. I do find that students find high school teachers more appealing than elementary. I believe that's just due to age difference, and finally being able to somewhat comprehend the difference between crush on love.

Crushes on teachers happen to the best of all students (and trust me, I would know :/ ). Possibly (mot of the time, I find with female students) they will eventually fall for the person they may not have.

So yeah, that little rant was to say that it's very hard to deal with feelings such as these, seeing as you see that person almost everyday and knowing the fact you have to deal with it and cope on your own!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010):

i agree with you completely. but the truth of the matter is...sometimes...teachers feel the same way. they can fall for their students and they cannot do anything about it. it's just as painful.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010):

he's too amazing for words. i'm sure this isn't a school girl crush, as frankly i'm not a school girl anymore. i'm leaving school in a few weeks and this man has done something to me nobody else could. Early september and school was just o.k as usual. i remember walking down the corridor with a friend, little did i know the rest of my life was about to change. as i walked into that class my stomach turned upside down, and i felt a sense of uncertanty. it was as if the universe was cheering, that this meeting of me and him was beyond earthly values. i remember needing to find out so much more about him, i dreaded going back to that class and i couldn't figure out why. it's been nearly two years, and my feelings are as strong as the first day i met him, just under more control. one day, when i've left. he will absoloutley find out how i feel. i do believe i have a chance. i hope others find comfort in my story and remember never give up hope, if we did we'd all be failures. remember that and keep going even when you have no motivation, because were all living this horror individually, were alone. do everything you can because love is so powerful and will break down walls, make it so that it HAS to be.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010):

yeah it is really tough... im in love with my old form class teacher... i just cant help it. and im so tempted to say somthing to him... :/ damn age gap lol

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010):

It almost does hurt more than I've ever imagined. I'm eighteen, and a senior in High School, & he's 26. But I try to convince myself it's nothing more than a crush. It's difficult though.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009):

Whoa what an interesting topic! I think my school (all boys) should talk about this because many of my friends are in this situation where they are in love with the female teachers.

In my opinion, it's not wrong to love someone, even if it's your own teacher. However, nothing good ever comes out of this infatuation because you're only torturing yourself due to the fact that it's nearly impossible for a student to end up with a teacher. Furthermore, your studies are heavily affected because you have time concentrating in class since you can't stop gazing at the teacher and dreaming about him/her. In some cases, students who develop feelings for the teacher do well for that particular subject to impress him/her. Love, is it a blessing or a burden? I think it is a burden, because there's no point in trying to believe that you and the teacher are compatible, simply because he/she is restricted and forbidden to have a relationship with the teacher. What about when the student graduates? I still think it's pointless, because by then you or he/she would have found someone else.

Falling in love with your own teacher is totally different from falling in love with someone else who's just about in the same boat as you. Telling your teacher the 'words' takes a hell lot of bravery compared to saying it to a normal boy/girl who's an undergraduate since it does somehow wreck your reputation as a student.

I'm not against this, but I really do pity those who have feelings for their teachers. I'm sure it feels like hell, to know in your heart that he/she will never share that mutual relationship that you desire. Well, it's sad but that's the world. I have a message to all you students who have developed feelings towards your teachers:

Forget about them and move on with your life, because what you desire won't happen even if you wish for it every day of your student life. It's hard to accept this fact but hey, that's life; harsh and cold.

I'm terribly sorry if anyone feels sad and disheartened about this, because I was once in your shoes, but fortunately, I managed to escape that heavy burden.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009):

im falling in love with one of my teachers and idk what to do. if i should tell that person how i feel or just leave it alone. but idk its wrong cuz im only 16 and my teacher is confused.. and i would like to know what should i do?? and everything you said is good

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009):

I am in the same situation as well as the other people experiencing this. I am currently in college and I think I am in love with one of my teachers. I can't focus in class and have to know where he is. When he enters the room my heart beats faster and I get butterflies in my stomach. I can't get him out of my head. Whereever I go and whatever song I listen too I think of him. I dream and fantasize about him even in the car. Unfortunently, I can't do nothing but keep it too myself because he is married and has three children. He just seems like he really cares about me and his smile is to die for. I don't know what I will do after I graduate. I will have to find a way to keep in contact with him. I guess it's like one of the other stories said he's just a beautiful disaster and I wish I was his wife. If anyone has advice on what to do with the emotions for him please help me i'm desperate.

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A female reader, confused girl xxx United Kingdom +, writes (18 April 2009):

thanks so much for this article, you re soo right

about 2 and a half years ago i fell in love with my r.e teacher and have been ever since. there is not a day that goes by where i don't think about this guy, he is good looking and charming (when he wants to be) but i don't care, his appeal just won't fade anytime soonn. believe me, i have tried to get over him it's just not working:(. a year ago i created such a big fantasy in my head of him loving me back but now i realsise that it ain't true but i still think there is something there. he definitely does not help with the looks and lovely conversations. x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009):

My name is Megan, i go to a middle, i have had a crush on my gym teacher since 6th grade. im in 8th. Over the past year i've been developing stonger and more passionate feelings for him. he's 47. im 14. it's a 33 year difference. but i still really like him. he's not married. has no kids. and he tells me everything about him, and as do i. he gives me hugs everyday. and says the sweetest things to me. he looks at me like i've always wanted him to, i dread leaving him, but i know it's gonna happen. i know he wont be in my life forever. but i want him, and teachers at my skool know i like him. and they say it's just a crush. they don't understand how i feel, they pick on me, and him, and as do other students. i get him, he gets me, he might say something totally weird, and hard to understand, but i get it! and know exactly what it means. not one day passes by, that i don't think of him. recently i've started to have dreams with him in it. fantising about him. i want him sooo bad. he acts differently to me when we're around people than when we're alone, i know exactly how this feels, i cry myself to sleep every night over this. and now i only have 2 more months with him. i can't let him go.

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A female reader, gamdcs Algeria +, writes (16 April 2009):

its making me a lil' better people discussing these things.,i also experience it having a deeper connection with my teacher but not totally being in love with him.its an 8 year gap between us.we're friends, we're like brothers and sisters but it only happens when were texting each other..actually, there we met.,i just greeted him last last christmas and that very moment we became closer and closer.,we texted each other almost everyday..but before we became close, he was actually my crush.,without knowin' that we will be as close as this..and now he treated me as his very close friend and there are times my friends would tease me about him and of course i feel ashamed when he's its really hard for me to have conversation with him when we are in school.,i dont know but even him, he will just smile at me when he saw me..and thats all.,but when we are texting each other, he talks a lot.,he cares a lot.,but of course it hurts when we are in school and many students talked with him,lauhed with him.,

but i guess, its okay to fall in love with a teacher if you are not in the same school.,true love can wait.,there's no question about age gaps..age doesn't matter..if you are friends, well thats okay.,as long as you and the teacher know your own limitations,so whats the problem.. i guess there's none.,as long as you don't break the school rules, there 's nothing to worry.,and you dont need to stop the friendship that you have.,its a thing to treasure.,

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A male reader, bzhell Pakistan +, writes (20 March 2009):

I never thought that there were so many people with this problem. I fell in love with my history teacher who was a 24 yrs old woman and i was a 14 yrs old middle schooler.. I dont know or when it happened but i found my madly in luv with for da first time in my life... Whenever she looked at me with her big blue penetrating i felt she could look into my very soul... It felt like heaven. I though she fancied me and i tried to get the best grade in class. Soon. however, she stopped looking at me like she used to. I soon found out that she fancied another boy in class and favoured him more... That turned life upside down. I was broken and cried regulary because of the pain. My history grade fell extremely low. To numb my emotions I got into the wrong kind of music and people... Today im an athiest and despise the word "LOVE" becuase of the pain it gave me. I'll never forget that teacher and how my whole life was changed because of her.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009):

Well here it is, I saw him and it was realy love at first sight (my science teacher) the 1st time I told my friends they were like ewww! and now they really understand me of how I feel, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I mean I'm DEPRESSED! I really need help but no one can help me. I know it's wrong as there is 18 years of an age difference, he's 31 and I'm 13 and I've seen other age differences and mine 18 others are like 14 15 I look at mine and think I'm a digusting disturbed girl but I know I'm not because I really can't choose who I fall for and if I could I would, trust me it hurts sooo badly

Please, I need to talk to people who feel the same way.


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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008):

hmmm. it is refreshing to see that so many people have such similar situations. here i thought i was completly and totally alone. i have a failry interesting predicament that i really just need to say somewhere. so here it goes. alas i am a highschool student and i am very close with one of my professors. he happens to teach the subject i plan on persuing as a carrer(art). hes a kind man. hes got to be about 35 years my senior. everyone at school has noted him as a quircky. odd. funny. kind. easy going guy. its not like its difficult to get close to him or like him or find his presence enjoyable for three years he was my teacher. never thought anything of it. i was consumed with my art and trying to keep myself afloat. life is undeniably difficult in high school for a multitude of reasons. we've always been close. i mean a normal amount of closeness for a personable, genuine teacher and a misguided *possibly* promissing student. when my life fell apart i had no where to go. i had always had issues regarding family. abuse, divorce, emotional stress, remarrige, seven school changes,step father, step siblings, new house new town new name all in the same couple years. abuse worsens fights gain new levels of anger and life falls apart. i had found myself homeless trying to live on my own at 16. it was hard but manegable. i was becoming numb. so everyone goes about there normal lives and im struggling to welll....exist. and who notices but my teacher. so two hour conversation later where i litterally told my entire life story to this poor bewildered man, he simply listened, considered me. he advised me. consloled me. felt for me. something i did not know how to handle or receive. obviously things were ... differnt from thereon out. people always thought i was in the circle of student he liked most. manly because art is my life.... i suppose its to be expected. but now after this incident my friends were like he really cares for you ... well no shit after what i told the poor guy. anyway. i eventually started to jsut crave being in his presence and i wanted to be around him in his classroom and just know he was there. it was settling. i have no idea what this is classified as. i have no idea where this stands ethically. i dont know anything. just that i live for that art room. im gonna guess because society squashes this notion... there is something wrong with me? wrong with him for caring? i am so lost (i appologize my grammar is horrida s well as my spelling and this is really quite longer than i expected it to be.) but please someone. help.

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A female reader, MidnightSky United Kingdom +, writes (22 November 2008):

MidnightSky agony auntOmg that was soooooo right! And all these girls that feels the same, it makes me a feel a bit better. Theres this english teacher at my school and I've kind of always thought he was cool and a bit cute, but in the past few months I've really started to like him. Now I try to find an excuse to talk to him, I always look through his class window to see him, whenever I see him I gte butterflies, my heartbeats faster, I feel sick and excited. Its crazy!

Hes in this band with some other teachers too and they did this show at this Teacher got talent thingy at our school and i was like omg!! And I found out they were doing a show for the 6th formers so me and my mate went along just to see him play!! He plays guitar, and now I do guitar lessons with im with other kids and I love it so much. Its the only reason I get up in the morning on a wednesday.

Me and my mate who also loves him (bu ti think not ot the extent that i do) always do a question and answer thing in classes like 'If he could do one romantic thing on valentines day, what could it be?' and stuff like imagine him kissing you in the rain, holding your hand down the street etc. He plays guitar right, and he started playing when september ends one day after we did this show thingy with the english forum, I felt like he was playing just for me. It was like everyone else had gone. When he plays its mesmerising. And his voice is beautiful. I think he's incredible.

I think I love him, I think about him all the time, talk about him, even dream about him. I think he's amazing. I think he's gorgeous, and whenever he walks by I can't take my eyes off him. Most kids at school think he's safe too, but hes way more than that. I admire him so much, I love him so much. One point in sciecne I wante dto run down the corridor burst through his dorr and tell him thst I loved him. I was listening to a song the other day walking to my mates and thought of him...I started crying!

I write about everything he does, if he smiles at me I write every detail, and today he walked in our english class and waved at me, I almost died. I'm also writing this story, and it involved this girl loving her teacher and he starts to love ehr back and stuff, I never would have written one if I didn;t feel like this. It seriously isn't a crush like people say and like people say to other people all over the world. If they don't feel it they don;t understand. It hurts. It hurts so much. Now I always listen to music, thinking of him, I cry, laugh, dream. I know nothing ever gonna happen, its heartbreaking, but I can't help it. I wish sooooooo much that he loved me too, whatever the consequences, but obvs I care what would happen to him and stuff. But I want him to be happy too. Hes married. Its like he's some sort of......beautiful disaster.

Just wanted to say something after I read this article lol, I've just joined so feel free to talk bcoz I'd really appreiciate it lol!

Love hey lol? Amazing but it bloody hurts! x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2008):

You know, I am a male, young teacher. I am not that charming but I found out that some of my High School students are in love with me ( according to my source and to my observations ). These students are really charming.

However, I am a teacher - defined by rules and ethics. I shall live by how the society expects me to be.

But it is hard to do. I am also infatuated with one of them but the only solution that I think is to keep my feelings secret from that student until she graduates from the school. That way, she'll be out of the "rules" that I am stocked with.

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A female reader, FLOR United States +, writes (29 September 2008):

FLOR agony auntDay by day night by night i think about my chemistry teacher. the first time i saw him i thought he was cute and that's it. but when i had him for a class i saw something in him, i would say it wasn't love yet but it was the begging of it. as time passes i felt something for him that something grew and grew into something greater then love. and it really hurts because i cant do anything about it, almost every day he mentions his wife, my wife this, my wife that. sometimes i feel like screming in his face that I'm in love with him and just living the class. it really hurts because he has been married with his wife for 12 years, since they were in high school and sometimes i wish i was his wife. love hurts.

i think he thinks that i like him and that I'M JUST A LITTLE GIRL WITH A LITTLE STUPID CRUSH but that's not true I'm in love with him, I've never felt like this for any one before.

there's nothing we can do about it. love is too strong, that would make us do stupid things.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008):

My friend is still in Primary School and she thinks our teacher is suuppeeeeerr hoooooot! She just can't get over him. She describes him as funny, down to earth, hot. She really feels like she has done something wrong. What can she do? I tried talking to her, but nothing absolutly nothing gets him out of her mind. I really wanna help her but i dont know how to:(

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A female reader, lois-mcphee United Kingdom +, writes (14 August 2008):

lois-mcphee agony aunti totally understand were your coming fro on this one as i have fell in "love" with my teacher before this was like 2 years ago and i still havent got over him but with other "crushes" theyve wore off after a few months or weeks wereas this is totaly different..the feelings are still locked away inside me and its tme for me to let it out...

i was on this site first of all looking for a solution on how to get rid of my feelings but they just wont go at alll i think about him everyday and just dont realize how much i miss him he moved toa different school well overa year n a half ago i loved him soooooooooo one day i told him and he ooked so shocked as i was only 14 he sat me down and told me it ws just a "crush" and it would pass but i didnt believe it would he had to inform other members of staff aout it and it hurt the most when he ignored me wereas before i told him he was nice,friendly and chatty...

i wish i nevr told him i just loved him sooooooooooo much

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008):

i;m sorry but i just thunk that "falling in love" with a teacher is more about the fact that you know you'll never really get them. if you saw the same guy walking down the street you would have no interest. however because he (or she) is off limits it becomes more intense

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008):

Something that students often fail to realize is that they're only seeing one side, a very good side, of their teachers. When I taught, I had to put on a "game face". It took hours of preparation in the evening, huge amounts of energy to be bright and animated, huge amounts of patience, and a conscious effort to like all of my students. This made me a popular teacher, though eventually I burned out and moved on to other things.

So the students are being treated to almost a performance, done by a professional who has been performing every weekday and prepares and practices the script (including jokes) every weeknight, for years. It's a teacher's job to engage and interest, to be kind and supportive, to be patient but slightly detached, and to hide weakness. The teacher even has to dress well. Anything less and you lose control of your class. Some teachers are better at it than others, of course.

Then the teacher goes home to be as immature, cranky, and irresponsible as any other adult.

But the student doesn't understand this. They just see this fantastic knowledgeable person who entertains and serves for hours every day. Irresistible for the heart looking for a home.

Would it help you students to understand that you have fallen in love with a facade composed of the best parts of the teacher? That if you did end up with your teacher in real life, he or she would not be the kind person who exists for service (because that is the job) but another being who has needs and annoying habits and can be a jerk, just like your parents and the other grownups you see?

Students learn and behave better if they respect and look up to their teacher. But sadly the act teachers put on to win this respect, must necessarily lead to students believing that teachers are better people than they are.

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A female reader, thats_not_my_name United Kingdom +, writes (4 August 2008):

thats_not_my_name agony aunti think you hit the nail on the head! this is exactly the sort of thing students who fall in love with their teachers go through (i should kno, i'm one of them!) i think the biggest thing that has helped me through the hurt and the pain (because like you said it hurts like hell!) is to know that i'm not alone. when i first discovered this site, it was because i was looking for advice about how to get over a teacher 'crush' (oh how i despise that word!) and i was overwhemled at the amount of people who were going through the exact same thing as me! i read their stories and it was like that's me! so to anyone who is reading this thinking that sounds just like me, i would say ignore the people who tell you that it is 'just a crush' or who just tell you that you are a silly little girl/boy, they don't understand just how real the pain can be! talk to people about it! it might be really hard to admit your feelings but seriously it makes you feel soo much better and you might even discover that some people fel the same way! and finally although it hurts like hell, i think that it is important to know that nothing can ever happen between the two of you. the liklihood of the teacher liking you back is VERY slim and revealing your feelings could result in all sorts of problems. your teacher may even lose their job. on a more postitive note, thank you for this question demolition-lovers, i think it's just what people want to hear! xxxxx

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008):

i feel u im male 13 u start liking them and sorda wanting to know about them and their pesonal lives it starts with a atraction a crush and then love if their willing to wait for u to grow up perfect but u can't be together yet if their in love with u they will wait and so wll u u know to actually be together it actualy happend to me i dont think we will ever end up together

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A female reader, lauu United Kingdom +, writes (22 July 2008):

hey i am in a position where i really really like my teacher! It really does hurt. I mean my friends keep sayin .. "give it a rest its just a crush it will blow over" but about 2months ago i just broke down in his class and started to cry because the person i believe im in love with i can never have and that really does hurt! Why do i feel like this. I mean i have never felt this way about someone before not even with a previous relationship. I pass his class so i can see him nd we have a laugh. Next year he wont be teachin me maybe thats a good thing in one way but in another heart breakin. He's not the most attractive guy ive ever seen but theres just something about him which i love he has a funny personality. He has a girlfriend and has been her for 4 years. I think hes happy i don't want to ruin anything for him im not going to tell him how i feel but i will alwayss have the feeling that what if he did like me? It is a 12 year age difference i know its a lot but i think its love? If someone can reply that would be great thanks

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A female reader, green-eyed-girl +, writes (17 July 2008):

I wanna say thank you for what you have wrote firstly, it makes so much sense!

I'm one of those students, people turn round and say 'its just a crush.'

but what I say is ' is it not possible to fall in love with a teacher then?!'

I would bet my life that I'm in love my teacher. For 4 and a half years he has been my everything.

Ive had crushes, ive had boyfriends, but ive never been so head over heels about someone.

Now he isn't young, he isn't particularly a sex symbol, he is married and has kids. None of these characteristics is something that would attract someone to have a crush on him for four years right?

Now these feelings couldn't possibly get any stronger than they have, I hit depression at stages and I hit I obsession.

all it ever done to me was hurt me unless I was with him talking to him.

Love is not something you can just climb out of when something aint how you want it, otherwise I would have done that 4 years ago and I would have been free to fall for anyone my heart leaped for... But instead its stuck and commuted to this one guy.

Feelings do indeed build up like that metaphorical box and indeed does explode, it left me in a mental breakdown.

and you can't even talk to anyone about it because it gets defined as a crush each and every time instead of it being seen as it is, love and heart break.

Ive now left school and left him behind, and I really dont know what to do with myself...its a situation that can't be won.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008):

woo. it feels like you just wrote my life. i fell for a teacher and she left... this is one year ago and it still hurts now.

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A male reader, Phsyciatrist-to-be United Kingdom +, writes (16 July 2008):

Phsyciatrist-to-be agony auntHave you ever considered writing an article for this site? It's a very interesting topic, and would make an even more interesting read with more detail.

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A male reader, Escalaya United States +, writes (16 July 2008):

Escalaya agony auntI feel there's nothing wrong with loving your teacher,or your teacher loving you.

But the teacher should realize the the laws are against them in every possible way.

If it's mutual love, and understanding, and you want to take that risk, go for it. But watch your ass, that's what I say.

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A male reader, ChiRaven United States +, writes (16 July 2008):

ChiRaven agony auntAs a teacher myself (although at the college level) I've seen many circumstances where there were serious attractions between students and teachers. Very few of them came to any good ends.

It's hard from both sides of the front desk. Good teachers care a lot about their students, starting (but not always finishing) with how they are doing with their academic work in their class. Temptations are many. Real meaningful opportunities are extremely rare.

At the lower levels, most teachers regard the "crushes" that their students develop (especially younger male teachers with early teen female students) as rather "cute" and maybe flattering, but definitely NOT to be taken seriously. At the most, if they are single, their attitude is "come back in five years and maybe we'll talk about it". Which is sensible. No teacher in his right mind is going to risk his career and his entire future, to spend years in prison, in order to get involved with an underaged student. It's just not going to happen if the teacher has an ounce of common sense.

From the student's side this is pure torture. Girls mature socially faster than guys, and the girl's social circle (probably mostly limited to the boys at her school) may not include anyone that she sees as a social equal. She is constantly thrown into contact with someone who IS mature (even more than she is), is invariably polite and courteous to her, is accomplished and intelligent, and with whom she has already established a social connection. Powerful stuff. If her other social outlets are not satisfying, her thoughts may well turn that way.

I don't condemn these people, but I do feel sorry for them. They are in a practically hopeless situation, with no way out but to give it time, and time is something that a teenager rarely sees as a solution.

And yes, there is almost always a broken heart in their future. Sad, but true.

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A female reader, PsyCookie United States +, writes (16 July 2008):

PsyCookie agony auntI think you should read this:

I understand where you're coming from and what you're saying. The reason why people tend to try to not understand the student is because they're viewed as immature and dumb who don't really know what they're getting into. Also they view the teacher as some perverted who takes the innocence away from the student.

This is mostly seen for teachers who teach kids at your age, but when there's a relationship between a student and teacher in college, the whole thing is different. When there's a romantic relationship between a student and a teacher, it's seen as cheating. People would think "since you're going out with him, you'll be his favorite and you'll get good grades". Even when the grades are rightly deserved, people will think they will not. People forget about the innocence issue and focus more on the unfair advantage the student has.

But there have been student/teacher relationships that have worked, but this are really REALLY rare. It's really not recommendable to have a relationship with your teacher while you're STILL his student and you're underage, but when you're both an adult and not his student, the negative view of this type of relationship is almost ignored.

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