A
female
age
16-17,
*emolition-lovers
writes:Students look up to teachers because they're smart. They are mature. They're possibly good looking. They've had interesting lives. All the things all people look for in a character. But students can't do anything about it.So their own passion is locked away in a box. And over time it doesn't go away, but expands. And continues but this box doesn't get any bigger. They develop more feelings. They can't keep it in. Eventually this box will explode...A mix of emotions go through their heads. Some actually do care about their teachers. They care that they're happy. They want to look after them. They want to be there.They want to mean something to them. They want them to care and they can't get it out of their heads. Until eventually all the suffering previously is wasted on them leaving them forever...I don't believe students and teachers have the brightest of futures even if they do end up together. Things might not work out, partly do to the social image on them. How other people look on them...Its easy to fall for your teacher, and most have at one point. Serious or not. There is no solution to it either. Teachers are just fantastic people who attract people who are growing up.but people have to start understanding that it is hard for the pupil as well, it can be very painful for them, and they don't need people telling them not to do something they weren't planning on doing. I am not specifically aiming at any particular people who answer these sorts of questions. I am simply saying. Have empathy.And trust me, being totally in love with your teacher that hurts...when all u can think of everyday,in school, when you go anywhere is your teacher..and then one day they move school and all is left a brokened heart which hurts alot..so what are people's Opinons?Thanks. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): Whoa what an interesting topic! I think my school (all boys) should talk about this because many of my friends are in this situation where they are in love with the female teachers. In my opinion, it's not wrong to love someone, even if it's your own teacher. However, nothing good ever comes out of this infatuation because you're only torturing yourself due to the fact that it's nearly impossible for a student to end up with a teacher. Furthermore, your studies are heavily affected because you have time concentrating in class since you can't stop gazing at the teacher and dreaming about him/her. In some cases, students who develop feelings for the teacher do well for that particular subject to impress him/her. Love, is it a blessing or a burden? I think it is a burden, because there's no point in trying to believe that you and the teacher are compatible, simply because he/she is restricted and forbidden to have a relationship with the teacher. What about when the student graduates? I still think it's pointless, because by then you or he/she would have found someone else.Falling in love with your own teacher is totally different from falling in love with someone else who's just about in the same boat as you. Telling your teacher the 'words' takes a hell lot of bravery compared to saying it to a normal boy/girl who's an undergraduate since it does somehow wreck your reputation as a student.I'm not against this, but I really do pity those who have feelings for their teachers. I'm sure it feels like hell, to know in your heart that he/she will never share that mutual relationship that you desire. Well, it's sad but that's the world. I have a message to all you students who have developed feelings towards your teachers:Forget about them and move on with your life, because what you desire won't happen even if you wish for it every day of your student life. It's hard to accept this fact but hey, that's life; harsh and cold.I'm terribly sorry if anyone feels sad and disheartened about this, because I was once in your shoes, but fortunately, I managed to escape that heavy burden.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): im falling in love with one of my teachers and idk what to do. if i should tell that person how i feel or just leave it alone. but idk its wrong cuz im only 16 and my teacher is 22....im confused.. and i would like to know what should i do?? and everything you said is good
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): I am in the same situation as well as the other people experiencing this. I am currently in college and I think I am in love with one of my teachers. I can't focus in class and have to know where he is. When he enters the room my heart beats faster and I get butterflies in my stomach. I can't get him out of my head. Whereever I go and whatever song I listen too I think of him. I dream and fantasize about him even in the car. Unfortunently, I can't do nothing but keep it too myself because he is married and has three children. He just seems like he really cares about me and his smile is to die for. I don't know what I will do after I graduate. I will have to find a way to keep in contact with him. I guess it's like one of the other stories said he's just a beautiful disaster and I wish I was his wife. If anyone has advice on what to do with the emotions for him please help me i'm desperate.
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female
reader, confused girl xxx +, writes (18 April 2009):
thanks so much for this article, you re soo right
about 2 and a half years ago i fell in love with my r.e teacher and have been ever since. there is not a day that goes by where i don't think about this guy, he is good looking and charming (when he wants to be) but i don't care, his appeal just won't fade anytime soonn. believe me, i have tried to get over him it's just not working:(. a year ago i created such a big fantasy in my head of him loving me back but now i realsise that it ain't true but i still think there is something there. he definitely does not help with the looks and lovely conversations. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): My name is Megan, i go to a middle, i have had a crush on my gym teacher since 6th grade. im in 8th. Over the past year i've been developing stonger and more passionate feelings for him. he's 47. im 14. it's a 33 year difference. but i still really like him. he's not married. has no kids. and he tells me everything about him, and as do i. he gives me hugs everyday. and says the sweetest things to me. he looks at me like i've always wanted him to, i dread leaving him, but i know it's gonna happen. i know he wont be in my life forever. but i want him, and teachers at my skool know i like him. and they say it's just a crush. they don't understand how i feel, they pick on me, and him, and as do other students. i get him, he gets me, he might say something totally weird, and hard to understand, but i get it! and know exactly what it means. not one day passes by, that i don't think of him. recently i've started to have dreams with him in it. fantising about him. i want him sooo bad. he acts differently to me when we're around people than when we're alone, i know exactly how this feels, i cry myself to sleep every night over this. and now i only have 2 more months with him. i can't let him go.
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female
reader, gamdcs  +, writes (16 April 2009):
its making me a lil' better people discussing these things.,i also experience it having a deeper connection with my teacher but not totally being in love with him.its an 8 year gap between us.we're friends, we're like brothers and sisters but it only happens when were texting each other..actually, there we met.,i just greeted him last last christmas and that very moment we became closer and closer.,we texted each other almost everyday..but before we became close, he was actually my crush.,without knowin' that we will be as close as this..and now he treated me as his very close friend and there are times my friends would tease me about him and of course i feel ashamed when he's there..so its really hard for me to have conversation with him when we are in school.,i dont know but even him, he will just smile at me when he saw me..and thats all.,but when we are texting each other, he talks a lot.,he cares a lot.,but of course it hurts when we are in school and many students talked with him,lauhed with him.,but i guess, its okay to fall in love with a teacher if you are not in the same school.,true love can wait.,there's no question about age gaps..age doesn't matter..if you are friends, well thats okay.,as long as you and the teacher know your own limitations,so whats the problem.. i guess there's none.,as long as you don't break the school rules, there 's nothing to worry.,and you dont need to stop the friendship that you have.,its a thing to treasure.,
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A
male
reader, bzhell  +, writes (20 March 2009):
I never thought that there were so many people with this problem. I fell in love with my history teacher who was a 24 yrs old woman and i was a 14 yrs old middle schooler.. I dont know or when it happened but i found my madly in luv with for da first time in my life... Whenever she looked at me with her big blue penetrating i felt she could look into my very soul... It felt like heaven. I though she fancied me and i tried to get the best grade in class. Soon. however, she stopped looking at me like she used to. I soon found out that she fancied another boy in class and favoured him more... That turned life upside down. I was broken and cried regulary because of the pain. My history grade fell extremely low. To numb my emotions I got into the wrong kind of music and people... Today im an athiest and despise the word "LOVE" becuase of the pain it gave me. I'll never forget that teacher and how my whole life was changed because of her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): Well here it is, I saw him and it was realy love at first sight (my science teacher) the 1st time I told my friends they were like ewww! and now they really understand me of how I feel, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I mean I'm DEPRESSED! I really need help but no one can help me. I know it's wrong as there is 18 years of an age difference, he's 31 and I'm 13 and I've seen other age differences and mine 18 others are like 14 15 I look at mine and think I'm a digusting disturbed girl but I know I'm not because I really can't choose who I fall for and if I could I would, trust me it hurts sooo badly Please, I need to talk to people who feel the same way.Thanks
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): hmmm. it is refreshing to see that so many people have such similar situations. here i thought i was completly and totally alone. i have a failry interesting predicament that i really just need to say somewhere. so here it goes. alas i am a highschool student and i am very close with one of my professors. he happens to teach the subject i plan on persuing as a carrer(art). hes a kind man. hes got to be about 35 years my senior. everyone at school has noted him as a quircky. odd. funny. kind. easy going guy. its not like its difficult to get close to him or like him or find his presence enjoyable for three years he was my teacher. never thought anything of it. i was consumed with my art and trying to keep myself afloat. life is undeniably difficult in high school for a multitude of reasons. we've always been close. i mean a normal amount of closeness for a personable, genuine teacher and a misguided *possibly* promissing student. when my life fell apart i had no where to go. i had always had issues regarding family. abuse, divorce, emotional stress, remarrige, seven school changes,step father, step siblings, new house new town new name all in the same couple years. abuse worsens fights gain new levels of anger and life falls apart. i had found myself homeless trying to live on my own at 16. it was hard but manegable. i was becoming numb. so everyone goes about there normal lives and im struggling to welll....exist. and who notices but my teacher. so two hour conversation later where i litterally told my entire life story to this poor bewildered man, he simply listened, considered me. he advised me. consloled me. felt for me. something i did not know how to handle or receive. obviously things were ... differnt from thereon out. people always thought i was in the circle of student he liked most. manly because art is my life.... i suppose its to be expected. but now after this incident my friends were like he really cares for you ... well no shit after what i told the poor guy. anyway. i eventually started to jsut crave being in his presence and i wanted to be around him in his classroom and just know he was there. it was settling. i have no idea what this is classified as. i have no idea where this stands ethically. i dont know anything. just that i live for that art room. im gonna guess because society squashes this notion... there is something wrong with me? wrong with him for caring? i am so lost (i appologize my grammar is horrida s well as my spelling and this is really quite longer than i expected it to be.) but please someone. help.
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A
female
reader, MidnightSky + ♥, writes (22 November 2008):
 Omg that was soooooo right! And all these girls that feels the same, it makes me a feel a bit better. Theres this english teacher at my school and I've kind of always thought he was cool and a bit cute, but in the past few months I've really started to like him. Now I try to find an excuse to talk to him, I always look through his class window to see him, whenever I see him I gte butterflies, my heartbeats faster, I feel sick and excited. Its crazy!
Hes in this band with some other teachers too and they did this show at this Teacher got talent thingy at our school and i was like omg!! And I found out they were doing a show for the 6th formers so me and my mate went along just to see him play!! He plays guitar, and now I do guitar lessons with im with other kids and I love it so much. Its the only reason I get up in the morning on a wednesday.
Me and my mate who also loves him (bu ti think not ot the extent that i do) always do a question and answer thing in classes like 'If he could do one romantic thing on valentines day, what could it be?' and stuff like imagine him kissing you in the rain, holding your hand down the street etc. He plays guitar right, and he started playing when september ends one day after we did this show thingy with the english forum, I felt like he was playing just for me. It was like everyone else had gone. When he plays its mesmerising. And his voice is beautiful. I think he's incredible.
I think I love him, I think about him all the time, talk about him, even dream about him. I think he's amazing. I think he's gorgeous, and whenever he walks by I can't take my eyes off him. Most kids at school think he's safe too, but hes way more than that. I admire him so much, I love him so much. One point in sciecne I wante dto run down the corridor burst through his dorr and tell him thst I loved him. I was listening to a song the other day walking to my mates and thought of him...I started crying!
I write about everything he does, if he smiles at me I write every detail, and today he walked in our english class and waved at me, I almost died. I'm also writing this story, and it involved this girl loving her teacher and he starts to love ehr back and stuff, I never would have written one if I didn;t feel like this. It seriously isn't a crush like people say and like people say to other people all over the world. If they don't feel it they don;t understand. It hurts. It hurts so much. Now I always listen to music, thinking of him, I cry, laugh, dream. I know nothing ever gonna happen, its heartbreaking, but I can't help it. I wish sooooooo much that he loved me too, whatever the consequences, but obvs I care what would happen to him and stuff. But I want him to be happy too. Hes married. Its like he's some sort of......beautiful disaster.
Just wanted to say something after I read this article lol, I've just joined so feel free to talk bcoz I'd really appreiciate it lol!
Love hey lol? Amazing but it bloody hurts! x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2008): You know, I am a male, young teacher. I am not that charming but I found out that some of my High School students are in love with me ( according to my source and to my observations ). These students are really charming.
However, I am a teacher - defined by rules and ethics. I shall live by how the society expects me to be.
But it is hard to do. I am also infatuated with one of them but the only solution that I think is to keep my feelings secret from that student until she graduates from the school. That way, she'll be out of the "rules" that I am stocked with.
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A
female
reader, FLOR  +, writes (29 September 2008):
 Day by day night by night i think about my chemistry teacher. the first time i saw him i thought he was cute and that's it. but when i had him for a class i saw something in him, i would say it wasn't love yet but it was the begging of it. as time passes i felt something for him that something grew and grew into something greater then love. and it really hurts because i cant do anything about it, almost every day he mentions his wife, my wife this, my wife that. sometimes i feel like screming in his face that I'm in love with him and just living the class. it really hurts because he has been married with his wife for 12 years, since they were in high school and sometimes i wish i was his wife. love hurts. i think he thinks that i like him and that I'M JUST A LITTLE GIRL WITH A LITTLE STUPID CRUSH but that's not true I'm in love with him, I've never felt like this for any one before. there's nothing we can do about it. love is too strong, that would make us do stupid things.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): My friend is still in Primary School and she thinks our teacher is suuppeeeeerr hoooooot! She just can't get over him. She describes him as funny, down to earth, hot. She really feels like she has done something wrong. What can she do? I tried talking to her, but nothing absolutly nothing gets him out of her mind. I really wanna help her but i dont know how to:(
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A
female
reader, lois-mcphee +, writes (14 August 2008):
 i totally understand were your coming fro on this one as i have fell in "love" with my teacher before this was like 2 years ago and i still havent got over him but with other "crushes" theyve wore off after a few months or weeks wereas this is totaly different..the feelings are still locked away inside me and its tme for me to let it out...i was on this site first of all looking for a solution on how to get rid of my feelings but they just wont go at alll i think about him everyday and just dont realize how much i miss him he moved toa different school well overa year n a half ago i loved him soooooooooo much..so one day i told him and he ooked so shocked as i was only 14 he sat me down and told me it ws just a "crush" and it would pass but i didnt believe it would he had to inform other members of staff aout it and it hurt the most when he ignored me wereas before i told him he was nice,friendly and chatty...i wish i nevr told him i just loved him sooooooooooo much
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): i;m sorry but i just thunk that "falling in love" with a teacher is more about the fact that you know you'll never really get them. if you saw the same guy walking down the street you would have no interest. however because he (or she) is off limits it becomes more intense
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): Something that students often fail to realize is that they're only seeing one side, a very good side, of their teachers. When I taught, I had to put on a "game face". It took hours of preparation in the evening, huge amounts of energy to be bright and animated, huge amounts of patience, and a conscious effort to like all of my students. This made me a popular teacher, though eventually I burned out and moved on to other things.
So the students are being treated to almost a performance, done by a professional who has been performing every weekday and prepares and practices the script (including jokes) every weeknight, for years. It's a teacher's job to engage and interest, to be kind and supportive, to be patient but slightly detached, and to hide weakness. The teacher even has to dress well. Anything less and you lose control of your class. Some teachers are better at it than others, of course.
Then the teacher goes home to be as immature, cranky, and irresponsible as any other adult.
But the student doesn't understand this. They just see this fantastic knowledgeable person who entertains and serves for hours every day. Irresistible for the heart looking for a home.
Would it help you students to understand that you have fallen in love with a facade composed of the best parts of the teacher? That if you did end up with your teacher in real life, he or she would not be the kind person who exists for service (because that is the job) but another being who has needs and annoying habits and can be a jerk, just like your parents and the other grownups you see?
Students learn and behave better if they respect and look up to their teacher. But sadly the act teachers put on to win this respect, must necessarily lead to students believing that teachers are better people than they are.
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female
reader, thats_not_my_name +, writes (4 August 2008):
 i think you hit the nail on the head! this is exactly the sort of thing students who fall in love with their teachers go through (i should kno, i'm one of them!) i think the biggest thing that has helped me through the hurt and the pain (because like you said it hurts like hell!) is to know that i'm not alone. when i first discovered this site, it was because i was looking for advice about how to get over a teacher 'crush' (oh how i despise that word!) and i was overwhemled at the amount of people who were going through the exact same thing as me! i read their stories and it was like that's me! so to anyone who is reading this thinking that sounds just like me, i would say ignore the people who tell you that it is 'just a crush' or who just tell you that you are a silly little girl/boy, they don't understand just how real the pain can be! talk to people about it! it might be really hard to admit your feelings but seriously it makes you feel soo much better and you might even discover that some people fel the same way! and finally although it hurts like hell, i think that it is important to know that nothing can ever happen between the two of you. the liklihood of the teacher liking you back is VERY slim and revealing your feelings could result in all sorts of problems. your teacher may even lose their job. on a more postitive note, thank you for this question demolition-lovers, i think it's just what people want to hear! xxxxx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): i feel u im male 13 u start liking them and sorda wanting to know about them and their pesonal lives it starts with a atraction a crush and then love if their willing to wait for u to grow up perfect but u can't be together yet if their in love with u they will wait and so wll u u know to actually be together it actualy happend to me i dont think we will ever end up together
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female
reader, lauu +, writes (22 July 2008):
hey i am in a position where i really really like my teacher! It really does hurt. I mean my friends keep sayin .. "give it a rest its just a crush it will blow over" but about 2months ago i just broke down in his class and started to cry because the person i believe im in love with i can never have and that really does hurt! Why do i feel like this. I mean i have never felt this way about someone before not even with a previous relationship. I pass his class so i can see him nd we have a laugh. Next year he wont be teachin me maybe thats a good thing in one way but in another heart breakin. He's not the most attractive guy ive ever seen but theres just something about him which i love he has a funny personality. He has a girlfriend and has been her for 4 years. I think hes happy i don't want to ruin anything for him im not going to tell him how i feel but i will alwayss have the feeling that what if he did like me? It is a 12 year age difference i know its a lot but i think its love? If someone can reply that would be great thanks
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female
reader, green-eyed-girl +, writes (17 July 2008):
I wanna say thank you for what you have wrote firstly, it makes so much sense!
I'm one of those students, people turn round and say 'its just a crush.'
but what I say is ' is it not possible to fall in love with a teacher then?!'
I would bet my life that I'm in love my teacher. For 4 and a half years he has been my everything.
Ive had crushes, ive had boyfriends, but ive never been so head over heels about someone.
Now he isn't young, he isn't particularly a sex symbol, he is married and has kids. None of these characteristics is something that would attract someone to have a crush on him for four years right?
Now these feelings couldn't possibly get any stronger than they have, I hit depression at stages and I hit I obsession.
all it ever done to me was hurt me unless I was with him talking to him.
Love is not something you can just climb out of when something aint how you want it, otherwise I would have done that 4 years ago and I would have been free to fall for anyone my heart leaped for... But instead its stuck and commuted to this one guy.
Feelings do indeed build up like that metaphorical box and indeed does explode, it left me in a mental breakdown.
and you can't even talk to anyone about it because it gets defined as a crush each and every time instead of it being seen as it is, love and heart break.
Ive now left school and left him behind, and I really dont know what to do with myself...its a situation that can't be won.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): woo. it feels like you just wrote my life. i fell for a teacher and she left... this is one year ago and it still hurts now.
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A
male
reader, Phsyciatrist-to-be + ♥, writes (16 July 2008):
 Have you ever considered writing an article for this site? It's a very interesting topic, and would make an even more interesting read with more detail.
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A
male
reader, Escalaya +, writes (16 July 2008):
 I feel there's nothing wrong with loving your teacher,or your teacher loving you.
But the teacher should realize the the laws are against them in every possible way.
If it's mutual love, and understanding, and you want to take that risk, go for it. But watch your ass, that's what I say.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (16 July 2008):
 As a teacher myself (although at the college level) I've seen many circumstances where there were serious attractions between students and teachers. Very few of them came to any good ends.
It's hard from both sides of the front desk. Good teachers care a lot about their students, starting (but not always finishing) with how they are doing with their academic work in their class. Temptations are many. Real meaningful opportunities are extremely rare.
At the lower levels, most teachers regard the "crushes" that their students develop (especially younger male teachers with early teen female students) as rather "cute" and maybe flattering, but definitely NOT to be taken seriously. At the most, if they are single, their attitude is "come back in five years and maybe we'll talk about it". Which is sensible. No teacher in his right mind is going to risk his career and his entire future, to spend years in prison, in order to get involved with an underaged student. It's just not going to happen if the teacher has an ounce of common sense.
From the student's side this is pure torture. Girls mature socially faster than guys, and the girl's social circle (probably mostly limited to the boys at her school) may not include anyone that she sees as a social equal. She is constantly thrown into contact with someone who IS mature (even more than she is), is invariably polite and courteous to her, is accomplished and intelligent, and with whom she has already established a social connection. Powerful stuff. If her other social outlets are not satisfying, her thoughts may well turn that way.
I don't condemn these people, but I do feel sorry for them. They are in a practically hopeless situation, with no way out but to give it time, and time is something that a teenager rarely sees as a solution.
And yes, there is almost always a broken heart in their future. Sad, but true.
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (16 July 2008):
 I think you should read this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-falling-for-your-teacher-is-never-good.html
I understand where you're coming from and what you're saying. The reason why people tend to try to not understand the student is because they're viewed as immature and dumb who don't really know what they're getting into. Also they view the teacher as some perverted who takes the innocence away from the student.
This is mostly seen for teachers who teach kids at your age, but when there's a relationship between a student and teacher in college, the whole thing is different. When there's a romantic relationship between a student and a teacher, it's seen as cheating. People would think "since you're going out with him, you'll be his favorite and you'll get good grades". Even when the grades are rightly deserved, people will think they will not. People forget about the innocence issue and focus more on the unfair advantage the student has.
But there have been student/teacher relationships that have worked, but this are really REALLY rare. It's really not recommendable to have a relationship with your teacher while you're STILL his student and you're underage, but when you're both an adult and not his student, the negative view of this type of relationship is almost ignored.
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