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female
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anonymous
writes: Hello guys...I have just had a huge row with my boyfriend.We have a long distance relationship, and generally see each other every other week. Occasionally we dont, if one of us has a family thing or something which we cant miss and the other cannot come to. On this occasion, I said "lets book the flights for the last weekend in Sept" and he said no, he just wanted that weekend to himself, to see his mates etc. I called him and went pretty mad i must admit. The reason he hasnt seen his mates for so long is becuase he has been away for weekends when he hasnt been seeing me, but i dont see that that is my problem and i dont see why it should cut into our time together. I too would like more time to see my friends, but I always arrange it around our time together.He is furious with me for being 'unreasonable'. He is now dragging up a bigger argument by saying i am 'never' happy with him, i 'always' think he doesnt make enough effort, etc etc. He is tyring to make it a 'she doesnt want me to see my friends' argument, which is utterly not the point.ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Who is wrong here?? I am v tired of always being the one to make the effort!!Thanks so much guys, for any advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThese really are helpful answers, all of you, and have really put things into perspective. I suppose it isnt SUCH a big deal after all is it...?!?! I appreciate the advice and Im going to act on it - he can do his thing that weekend and I will be reasonable. God knows its taken a fair few sacrificies already to get this far, from both of us.
Thanks again.
x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2006): Long distance relationships are always hard work, especially if you are both busy. I know how you feel and it sort of feels like a rejection that he doesn't want to meet with you that weekend. I know it's difficult because you are so looking forward to seeing him, but honestly absence makes the heart grow fonder. Let him do what he wants for this particular weekend, arrange with your friends to have a night out just to take your mind off it. I'm sure with a little patience and compromise everything will work out ok.Rather than you doing all the running and feeling like you're the one making the effort, turn the tables round a little too, make him do all the hard work and chase you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2006): I don't think you both realise how much you both have sacrificed to make this relationship "work". You both are right.
You both need time with friends and I think you need to stop viewing this as he is putting his friends first and not the relationship. He is still committed regardless if he is sleeping or having a shower or hanging with friends.
How about a compromise. You go down that weekend and he can hang with his friends as long as you get to snuggle him at night? Or just chalk this one up to the Relationship Goddess as a sacrifice.
Besides, a relationship is about sacrifice be it time or ego.
If you honestly believe and feel that you put more into this relationship and if it means way more to you; why stay?
Just tell him that you miss him as heck as the long distance isn't reassuring and maybe from a guy's perspective; it's easier but it isn't how it is for you. Tell him you will just miss him and really wanted and needed to see him as you miss the idea of snuggling up with him in the nights.
It's that whole going to bed at night with the mand I love that makes those busy days of having time to be with one another more bearable. I am just fortunate the the BF sees it the same way.
I say you need to tell him that you will give him this date but he "owes" you one down the road and that you love him and will miss him and have fun but not the illegal kind.
Then forgive him and make a point to see him the following week.
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A
male
reader, Inspired +, writes (6 September 2006):
Dear friend,
Relax. All of us want a break in life, we want to just put our hair down and think of no relationships sometimes.It rejuvenates a person. SO let him spend some time alone and he will be all fine and cuddly with you again.
~Inspired.
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A
male
reader, Inspired +, writes (6 September 2006):
Dear friend,
Relax. All of us want a break in life, we want to just put our hair down and think of no relationships sometimes.It rejuvenates a person. SO let him spend some time alone and he will be all fine and cuddly with you again.
~Inspired.
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