A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys,To explain the extent of my problem I'd have to go back into my relationship to the Summer. My girlfriend and I had been dating for half a year at that point (I realize thats not very long). She had just moved into her first apartment, and was having a hard time adjusting. To make matters worse, my older brother passed away in late July. This devastated me beyond belief and affected me in ways that I believe hurt our relationship. I didn't want to go out and have fun anymore, and it damaged our relationship. My girlfriend didn't really know how to handle the situation either, and couldn't comfort me in the ways I needed. Needless to say, we began to bicker and argue more and more. Fast forward to now, all these problems were building up. I felt the intimacy on her part was fading, and it was driving me insane. I made a terrible choice during a trip to New York, hooking up with a girl I met that day. In the heat of things I declined to have sex with her, because I couldn't hurt my girlfriend anymore than I already had. So the next day I told her. She was frantic, angry, etc. We talked two days later, and shes said she forgave me. It was rough that week. Long story short she went with her friend to a neighboring town and hooked up with a friend of mine, going all the way. I realize I messed up, but to turn around and forgive me then maliciously hurt me in such a way just didn't seem right. I tried to forgive her, but in the end I broke up with her. We'd just reach a year at that point when the infidelity happened. We reconciled a week ago and talked about what we wanted to do. She said that she cares about me but wants to be friends during the holidays. I can't seem to decide if thats what I want, however, as I am still in love with her. HELP!
View related questions:
broke up, infidelity, moved in, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, so after a handful of days she had drunk dialed me one night. The next morning she began texting me asking if she had said something dumb. I called her and explained to her that this entire situation was getting annoying, she wasn't providing any answers for me, yet trying to talk to me again. When she drunk dialed me she had said she has feelings for me still and misses me. I told her what she said and she didn't deny it. I proceeded to tell her that I want to know if she feels we could try and make our relationship work again. She said yes, but it wasn't a for sure thing we'd be dating again.
We've went back to talking since then. She calls/texts me everyday. Since we went on break from College shes been working out everyday, tanning, buying new cloths, etc. Originally she said she didn't want anything from me for Christmas, but a week ago asked me if she thought we should get each other gifts. I said yes. She said she wanted something from Victoria's secret, I asked her to get me something from a designer clothing store. We both have told each other that we can't want to see each other this New Years, as we'll both be back at school.
However, we just talked the other night and she asked me how much my friends know about us. I said that they know we're talking. We both have our fears as to how each others friends will treat us. She told me that if when we got back to break I started asking her about asking her about getting back together and if we're in a relationship again she'll end things abruptly. She asked me to stop telling my friends anything about us. I took this the wrong way and asked her why, if it was because she didn't want people to think we were talking/dating again? She replied by saying "we're not dating", which lead me to ask "well do you plan on talking to other guys". She was so mad she hung up on me (she had told me before that she wasn't talking to anyone and wouldn't be during school).
Essentially, I'm confused. I called her back and explained I wasn't trying to start anything. I haven't been doing anything but taking this slow. So, I don't know what to think at this point.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 No you were'nt in the wrong you done the right thing here just remember that honesty is always the best way to go. You need to leave it with her now, the ball is in her court, dont contact her until she contacts you, no matter how hard it is, you cant ring or text her let her come to you and then take it from there, believe me you have done the right thing and you need to no were you stand with her.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, so I recently talked with her telling her that there is no way I can continue to just "be friends" with a girl I'm in love with. She took this as a shock because our conversations have been light, as there hasn't been any talk about relationships. I've brought my feelings into the mix now and I feel I've messed up. I basically told her at this very time I cannot continue to keep answering her texts and calls without knowing what her intentions are. She took this as an ultimatum because she feels I'm implying that either she tells me she wants to get back with me or we're through. However, I told her I didn't want her to answer an ultimatum more or less just evaluate whether or not she felt we could work on our relationship towards being a couple again. She said she needed some time to think. I told her to take as much time as she needed and said that I didn't expect an answer within the next couple days.
My question now is does "I need some time" code for "I need space"? Am I screwed? Did I do the right thing here? I feel if she truly cannot see us together, then because of having respect for her coming forth with a decision I'll keep in touch and try at keeping a friendship going.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, so I recently talked with her telling her that there is no way I can continue to just "be friends" with a girl I'm in love with. She took this as a shock because our conversations have been light, as there hasn't been any talk about relationships. I've brought my feelings into the mix now and I feel I've messed up. I basically told her at this very time I cannot continue to keep answering her texts and calls without knowing what her intentions are. She took this as an ultimatum because she feels I'm implying that either she tells me she wants to get back with me or we're through. However, I told her I didn't want her to answer an ultimatum more or less just evaluate whether or not she felt we could work on our relationship towards being a couple again. She said she needed some time to think. I told her to take as much time as she needed and said that I didn't expect an answer within the next couple days.
My question now is does "I need some time" code for "I need space"? Am I screwed? Did I do the right thing here? I feel if she truly cannot see us together, then because of having respect for her coming forth with a decision I'll keep in touch and try at keeping a friendship going.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (4 December 2010):
Well if you are still in love with her, friendship is just not going to work here, because it will prolong your pain as you will always want more than a friendship. Sit down with her and tell her you still love her and ask her what she wants, tell her you cant cope with being just her friend as you will always want more and it will be to hard for you.
The two of you need to sit down and see if you can over come your problems. You both chose to make a mistake and you both cheated. 2 wrongs dont make a right, but if you can both learn to forgive each other, maybe you can take things slow and start from the beginning again. Goodluck.
...............................
|
