A
female
age
30-35,
*iamondintheruff
writes:My husband and I got married this last october. I love him more than anything but I knew from the begining that we weren't sexually compatable. This is a problem we've been dealing with for over a year. We've talked many times about what we can do to make it beter but it always ends with both of us upset. Or things will get beter for a week, if that, and go back to the way things are. He's perfectly okay with 15 minutes of sex right before we go to sleep once or twice a week. Me on the other hand, I want it about ten times more with spontinaity, new positions, more aggression. I surprise him all the time with oral in the shower, I wake him up on the week ends we dont have anything planned. I pull him away from his video games and all the while I get very little in return. I cant remember the last time he returned the favor. I dont know what to do. Im starving while he is content. Please dont be rude.
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female
reader, looseygoosey +, writes (14 March 2012):
I'm pretty much in the exact same position as you. It breaks my heart and I often find myself crying myself to sleep at night. We have been together for 2 yrs and have a child together. He is a wonderful man, father and provider but he is the worst lover I have ever had. After my divorce, I got used to having sex multiple times a week, and often multiple times per day with the person I was dating. We often go months without sex and it absolutely kills me inside. I am sorry that you are dealing with a similar situation, but take heart that at least he is responsive when you initiate. Best of luck to you.
A
female
reader, Diamondintheruff +, writes (29 February 2012):
Diamondintheruff is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks alot everyone. Didnt know what I was going to get back but it works.
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A
male
reader, Deathbunny +, writes (29 February 2012):
"I love him more than anything but I knew from the begining that we weren't sexually compatable."Here's the funny thing...If you are sexually compatible with someone, you can actually make almost any other problem go away. Why? Because good sex builds an ongoing desire to be together and to try and find ways to make that happen.If you aren't sexually compatible with someone, the only thing holding you together is discipline, social pressure, and manipulation.Why you married him is an entire other question you should have asked yourself before, but it's the hand of cards you're working with now. So...I agree with "So Very Confused", suggest a medical work up. If he has underlying health issues, it could influence his sex drive. Additionally, suggest counseling for both of you. If there's a psychological reason he's less interested than you, that may reveal it and help you guys fix it.However, be prepared for the fact he may simply be less sexually motivated or interested than you. Not all people are the same/Good luck though.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (29 February 2012):
 Hmm. Well, it's clear you have a higher sex drive. And you did know this. You say you knew you weren't sexually compatible. And now you have a problem, because you feel trapped. Making all the moves. But you are married now. Forever.
So, you have to get used to making all the moves. You have to just be yourself. Yes, it will end up that you are the instigator, almost the aggressor, if you will. But you will just get used to that.
Because you won't change him. And you won't change yourself (although after some years you might start calming down).
That's your only choice - to get used to it.
Sorry to say that, but it isn't so bad - you just have to adjust your sights and understand that you will be the one getting things going. To be honest, if he then goes along with it, that's great - the real problem would be if despite your advances, he just said no.
So it is workable. But don't expect him to change. And don't make such a big deal out of it that you spoil the good between the two of you.
I'm not going to say 'leave him' because you are only recently married, and you knew how it was.You went ahead anyhow. So you now have to find a way to work with this.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 February 2012):
 Honey you knew this was a problem when you married him....
you're doing everything you can and your drive is higher than his already. Sadly it will only get worse as you age...
has he had a medical work up to rule out medical problems?
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