A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend told me he's missing excitement in our relationship. He dosen't think it's a problem, but I'm thinking that if only we could add some he'd be more happy.His past relationship (his first one) was pretty explosive, arguments, problems, I'd even go as far to say it was emotionally abusive, a lot was going on... They lasted a year.In stark contrast is what we have together. There was never the explosion of love and passion, it developed pretty gradually and we actively took part in developing it. This is not a type of "it just happened" relationship, it's more "we wanted it so we made it happen". We were friends for 7 years before we got together. I'm a calm, grounding person and we can work all our problems easily through discussion without emotions getting out of hand. We're really close, there's lots of trust, care and love, the sex is mindblowing, but I do have to admit it's almost disturbingly stable. The spot we're at is great, but it's the same spot all the time, there's no ups and downs.We're together for a year now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2015): Hi,Op,I know everyone here is telling you to count your blessings,but I know how you feel (or how your bf feels maybe?)I don't know the other female anon who is thinking of breaking up, but that's exactly how I felt.I don't need drama,but I need the SPARK. When things are OVERLY stable, with nothing to rock the boat, it feels like that has gone.My relationship disintegrated eventually.Any advice for you? You say you're "pretty stable", but they must be some things (jumping with a parachute?) or social situations (big concert? big crowds?) that you may be uncomfortable with.Your bf might be better at those situations/things. Sooo, why don't you tell him about it, say "Hun, would you help me with...X? I feel uncomfortable doing it, but I'll be calmer/happier/x/y/z when you're there with me".I don't know why,but men looove those type of situations-like being the savior of a "damsel in distress" almost. It tickles their ego.So do that- you both win. You might learn how to navigate a situation you're uncomfortable with (say, big crowds) better, and he'll feel like the man of the day.Then, convince/ask him to do something HE might not have TRIED if it wasn't for YOU.The psychology behind it is that when you face a challenge together and overcome it, it makes the bond between you stronger.ps: and don't always be the "fixer"
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (23 March 2015):
 As someone who is married to a Veteran with PTSD and two prior TBI (traumatic brain injuries) your relationship sounds like a balm. Sounds like something MOST people should STRIVE for. We don't fight a lot (barely actually) but you never know what "side" of the bed hubby wakes up on.
YOU do not NEED drama to have passion. YOU do NOT need drama to make a relationship great. Fighting DOESN'T make life more exciting.
I think your BF means that he is still somehow surprised that "the other shoe" hasn't dropped yet, that you two are still surprisingly stable.
If he overall find the relationship a tad dull, there are MANY ways to amend that (that doesn't include drama). Like WiseOwlE pointed out, TRY new thing TOGETHER.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2015): Your boyfriend is very used to an emotional roller-coaster ride in his past relationship. Truthfully, a mild form of post traumatic stress could be leaving a residual-effect.
If nothing else, it kept him on his toes; and in high-alertness.
The calm he is experiencing now just isn't what he's used to. You need some adventure together; and that is most often created through travel, playing sports, and participating in physically-demanding activities to increase the flow of adrenalin. If he's an active-guy, into sports and working-out; he may only need you to be his partner, and participate more actively with him in his activities.
You say you're grounded...that usually means a homebody.
Get out and go dancing. Go sailing, get out and hike nature-trails, get a couple of bikes; or do rock climbing. You need to do things to make the both of you sweat; other than sex. He should also enjoy the peace, sometimes people don't realize when they've got it made!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 March 2015):
 I would kill for stable. I never know from one day to the next how my unstable hubby is going to react to things.
if it 'ain't broke don't fix it.' so to speak
does he say he's UNHAPPY or just that it's "dull"
have you asked him to elaborate?
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (23 March 2015):
 It's great to have a relationship where you can sort out all your differences by talking things through. That's how things are supposed to be!
If your boyfriend has been used to drama in his previous relationship, this relationship may seem odd to him.
At the end of the day, do you love him and really want to be with him? Does he feel the same way about you? Or are you just two friends who get along well but are really wishing for something else? If it's the first, then you have a great relationship and have nothing to worry about.
Some people do get along well with each other all the time and never argue. Don't think of this as something strange - think of it as how things should ideally be!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2015): You can add excitement by travelling together, starting new hobbies together and meeting new couples together.
We have been together 5 years but things are not boringly stable
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 March 2015):
 I see lot of submittals on this site from people who would sell their souls to have a "relationship" such as you describe with your B/F.....
Would it be OK for you to count your Blessings?
Good luck...
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