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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,During a placement year at university in 2000, I moved away from home (about 100 miles) and although I had no intentions of becoming involved with anyone, I ended up meeting the most wonderful girl I have ever known. At the time, I didnt really see much happening in the long term (although we had a great time together)but we decided to stay together when I moved back home. For 4 years we had a wonderful relationship (althogh living 100 miles apart was hard)and we fell deeply in love with each other. We shared so much in common but also had alot of differences that made life so exciting and kept the relationship fresh. Our sex life was very full and we were so open with eachother.Eventually, I finished university and once I had saved enough money, I moved back to be with her. We decided not to live together as it may be too much of a shock, going from seeing eachother once a fortnight to every night and everything was sorted.All that happened about 6 months ago but just as I completed the move to my new house, her parents decided to seperate and sell the house (she lives with her parents). I thought that maybe because I was moving to be with her, her parents may have felt that the time was right (I would be close to her (geographically) and be able to supprt her)and I promised myself I would be there for her. We had always dreamed of doing so much together and in my mind I could picture us getting married and having kids and we often talked about this and said how nice it would be. We had always wanted to go travelling around Britain so we opened a savings account and last week we won an auction for a VW Camper (our preferred method of transport). I kept it as a surprise but before I could even tell her, she told me last tuesday that she had feelings for someone else and that she had fallen out of love with me. At first I couldnt even understand what she meant but now we have talked more I realise that at the moment, there is no way of working through it. The guy she is now with is a work collegue of hers and someone who I cared for and respected a great deal. He is a genuinely nice man and I dont feel any malice intended on his part but I cant help but feel that the breakup of my (now) ex girlfreinds parents has confused her emotionally and has lead her to think she doesnt love me any more. Although I knew I loved her, Its only now that I realise exactly how much and I cant just accept that I have given up living near my friends and family (with whom I am very close) and started a new job 100 miles away just to be unexpectedly told im not loved anymore. I am desperate to do anything I can to save our relationship. We were sole mates and I feel so helpless. I am on good terms with her and I have let her know that I still deeply love her and that if her feelings ever change about this new man, to not feel she cant tell me becuase she has in some way "dirtied" the relationship. If we did get back together and three months down the line break up again, Im sure it would be alot more ammicable and a shared decision rather than a very one sided conclusion as it is now. I just need to know whether there is any hope for us and would like to know how I can deal with this loss. Any advice would help me greatly as I genuinely feel that what is happening in so wrong.Sorry for the long letter, just writing this has helped a little.Jonno
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Lolly, writes (12 February 2005): I feel for you here, as this is a horrible way for any relationship to end, especially one for which you have sacrificed so much. As hard as it is, however, you need to accept that over time your girlfriend's feelings have changed. It's an unfortunate aspect of relationships but it is there nonetheless. You still think of her as your soul mate, but sadly she obviously does not. Take some time out for yourself. Take the trip that you had planned alone or with a friend - us british girls are sat here waiting for someone as sweet as you, and a break will help you to rationalise your feelings and determine what you want to do next with your life. Don't be content to be second best - you deserve to be someone's everything.I hope it all works out for you.
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