A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 23/female and have been with my boyfriend for 9 months. Before him, I was in a relationship that lasted 5 years, minus a few breaks here and there. Before that, I pretty much always had a boyfriend. I truly do love my current boyfriend, we are old friends from teen years and get along famously. Problem is, I feel that something is missing. I had this same feeling with my ex, and promised myself I would stay single after him.. but then quickly fell in love with my current boyfriend. I allowed it to happen because my bf used to be a very carefree guy, when I saw him with other gfs in the past he seemed very open, independent, so I thought I could fulfill my needs while with him. But now, that I am with him, hes much different. He doesn't like going out, isn't as carefree at all. He even has required me to make changes to myself, such as not drinking because he quit, not going out because he doesn't, I smoke pot now and then.. not often, just like twice a week.. hes asked me to stop completely, I am a model but I feel he limits what I do with that.. or say when I come home from a shoot I get questioned like crazy.. he doesn't want me to travel to bigger cities to model or for activism (Im an animal activist)... the list goes on... So not only do I feel like I dont know myself, I feel like Im being molded into someone Im not. And to boot, he wants a kid way sooner then I do. What I feel I am missing is truly getting to know myself. Also knowing I can be strong and independent on my own.. not experiencing this is, in my opinion, ultimately hurting my self esteem. I have been co dependent in the past, feel Im ready to not be.. hell I felt like that a year ago, but can I truly break that while being with someone? So here I am, left to either break up with him and risk loosing someone I really love to fulfill personal needs, or, stay with him and feel a nagging void for the rest of my life... What should I do? :(
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (23 May 2009):
 Your boyfriend sounds like he has control issues. The bad news is, it will only get worse from now on.
I suggest you break up with him before it gets worse, and then make a serious commitment...to yourself. Take time to enjoy being single and knowing what you want out of life. And REALLY mean it. You will feel lonely at first but that is your old codependent habits talking. I don't mean be single forever, but a couple of months at least.
Good luck.
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