A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfirend and i broke up at the end of january and have decided to get back together but my family wont support us. The reason is he broke up with me and its a LDR i'm so upset like i want us all to be happy and get on but its a case of if i stay with him my family wont be happy so that will make me unhappy but if i pull the plug on my relationship my boyfriend will be unhappy and i'll be unhappy. My father always said to me to think of myself before others but i could never do that. I dont know what to do i love my family and i love my boyfriend but it feels like i have to choose but thats not fair what should i do?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 Continent...pffft. I meant off the island.
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (10 March 2014):
Let's look at the value of what you're fighting for.
Your boyfriend. How long distance is he? Is he in Britain at least or completely off the continent? Did you meet him online or had you known him in real life and he moved away to attend school or something?
The thing is unless you have concrete plans for one or both of you to relocate there really is no point in maintaining a committed long distance relationship. The sacrifices are too many and too big and the rewards too few.
And unless the issue(s) that caused the break up have been resolved all you're doing is repeating history and you know how it ends. He broke up with you. How do you know he won't do it again?
And how did he end things in January? Did it appear sudden or was the writing on the wall?
My advice is to not take him back officially yet. Let him court you again and take things one day at a time. You need to be sure that the issues that lead to the break up have been resolved before making any commitments. This might also give you some breathing space with your parents who will have more faith in your choices if they see you making sound ones. They need to know you're being practical and aren't being blinded by love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): You don't have to choose and if you can't focus on making yourself happy first then you're screwed in life, OP, because you can't can't please everyone.
You don't have to choose, OP. You're old enough now to know that people aren't going to be happy for you when they think you're making a decision that will hurt you. The guy dumped you and LDR's are tough as hell, the likelihood of this working out is very low so you can't expect your family to be happy with you going back to a guy who hurt you, in circumstances that mean he'll most likely do it again.
That doesn't mean you have to choose it just means you have to be patient and allow them to not like the idea until you can prove it wasn't a stupid decision.
No one is making you choose anything here, you just need to stop thinking you need everyone's approval all the time. It doesn't hurt your family for you to be with him, it just makes them worry because they saw what happened when he dumped you the first time. You can't expect your family just to automatically like someone who has hurt you, can you? No, he has a lot to prove to them, and so do you. So suck it up and do that.
They'd be a shit family if they just ignored what he did and were "happy" for you, it'd mean they don't feel in any way protective of you.
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