A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 20 year old girl from the UK and 5 years ago met a new teacher at school. He was 28 at the time (now 32). I was in my final year and he was new in the last few months. We got very close etc. and to cut a long story short, after my 16th birthday and after I'd left school and gone onto college we started a sexual relationship. It didn't take us long to realise it was more than just sex and we have been together since. However this relationship has been extremeley rocky and throughout the 5 years he has actually had 2 children and got married to another woman in the times we were apart etc. It's more of an affair now, however I am 21 in 7 months and he told me he wants to leave his wife for me before my 21st so we can go away together and "start a proper relationship." I'm completely in love with him and want this to work more than anything.Im worried because he says he is going to be 100% honest with her about things. she knows who i am having met me a few times and knows i used to be a student. i'm worried if he tells her everythig about us she'll go to the police - technically we didn't do anything wrong as I was of legal age and he was no longer my teacher but i don't want this coming out to affect his career. Do you think it will?
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (18 November 2013):
My global advice regarding people applies here.
NEVER listen to what people SAY, ALWAYS watch what they DO.....
Proceed accordingly...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2013): Are you sure you REALLY want to be in this situation?If he cheated on her with you, he will cheat on you with the next young girl. Years go on, and you will be this woman's age. And, someone your age will cross his path...Can you REALLY trust him not to cheat again? And, YES this will affect his career. How could it not? Just because you and he might claim that nothing happened while you were still under aged, doesn't mean that they will necessarily believe him. And, even if they did his relationship with you will still seem inappropriate. YES, he will most likely lose his job. He should have thought of that before he got involved with you...However, you can (and should) move no. Yes, you can find a nice, handsome man your age who gives you ALL of his love and attention. 100%Don't you think you deserve that much? Do you really want some other woman's left-overs?
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (16 November 2013):
You are so young to be worried about his relationship
and how it is going to affect his career.
I'm not going to tell you that he doesn't truly love you but if he did why did he choose to marry his wife? My ex and I broke up almost 2 years ago and I can't think of being with anyone else. To this day, I miss him dearly. He has since moved on.
I would suggest that you tell him that you love him dearly but he needs to leave his wife. You need to tell him that you will see him again when he has a new place and is separated from his wife. Do not see him until he does. Yes, it is heart breaking but how long are you willing to continue to "play" this game.
Focus on you and you needs.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2013): Your 'perfect man' created 2 lives and promised his love and loyalty to another woman while waiting for you to reach 21?I am sorry but he is a despicable, cold and heartless man. Or he is unstable.Either of these two mean trouble for you.What do you see in him that makes him so attractive?Yes the fact that it's forbidden, it's on the sly, it's on and off makes it exciting but for goodness sake, Use your head. You've already lost a lot of dignity being with an arsehole like this for 5 years. Don't waste anymore of your youth on him. He really does not deserve you or his wife. He will treat you like dirt once you are properly together because that's what he does! Right now, he is being nice to you because you are what he wants. But when he's finally with you, he will get bored / find someone else/ want something else and he will treat you the way he is treating his wife now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2013): I am really really sorry, OP, coz you will not want to hear this, but this isn't going to end well.
The fact alone that he has managed to marry another woman and have 2 child with her, says it all, even if you weren't technically together at the time....you are his bit on the side. He won't leave his wife and children for you, and if he does, what makes you think he won't do the same to you.
How can you trust this man....you can't!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2013): Well I find it hard to believe it wont affect his career. It makes him look emotionally unstable. And frankly I think he is.
He also might get seen as a predator on underage girls.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 November 2013):
 Yes I do think it will affect his career and he seems like a person who is out of control and chaotic.
He has groomed you to a certain extent from the age of 15 and waited until you were 'available'...
Now this could be constued as an innocent relationship, except that he has married someone else and produced two children during the time he was suppose to be 'in love' with you.
This is NOT the regular behaviour of a normal man...this is the behaviour of someone who has no respect for boundaries, both social and emotional and no regard for other people's feelings.
You are in love with him and you think you know him and I am sure you cannot wait to 'start a proper relationship' with him...but what is 'proper'?...that he can delete everything he has done in his course of action to be with you?
Delete two kids and a wife and the fact that he groomed you from a young and vulnerable age?...now he is suddenly going to turn into Mr Wonderful?
The fact that he is now going to purge his actions to his wife in order to get rid of her demonstrates his level of dillusion.
Your relationship has been rocky, you had better strap yourself in because things are going to get much rockier!
I don't think he is who you think he is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2013): Sweetheart, call me cynical but 2 children and a marriage during your on and off relationship are hardly an accident. Presumably he's loved you throughout the five years whether you were together or not. For him to court someone else, get engaged, organize a wedding etc while he was in love with you is incredibly stupid. If he was so on love with you why didn't he wait for your 21st right from the get go? Do you really want a partner on life who makes reckless decisions like what this guy did?Also, since he's proven that he can cheat with someone his wife knows and lie to her about it - how do you know you can trust him in the future?I know at 20 this is not what you want to hear but this man is bad news. You realise that if you do end up together he will have a lot of child support to pay? If you want children in the future you probably will struggle financially unless you get a really good job yourself.I have never met him and I make no judgement about how he misused his authority in starting a relationship with you. But I will judge him by his actions while he was in love with you. And they have been incredibly short sighted and selfish. I'm the same age as you so I won't patronize you about how you're too young. Your guy is bad news.
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