A
female
age
41-50,
*S2012
writes:I'm scared I will never meet anyone. Not in a hurry, currently getting out of an abusive marriage. However, I'm scared that I will never meet anyone now.I'm 31, I have a child, and I work out of my home. I've never left my child with a sitter (he's two) and I'm scared to do so (not trusting of anyone watching him). I have no family in the area or close friends to help out. I'd like to move, but I must stay put so my child's father can see him (when he feels like it)I feel like everything is against me meeting anyone romantically. While I know some of my isolation is self inflicted, even if I wasn't isolated-I have undesirable "baggage" (not my feeling, but I know it is a lot of mens) I have asked friends about setting me up, but they always either A) Don't know anyone B) Only know much younger men or C) Tell me the men they do know that are my age are single for a reason.Help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013): Your library, a local hospital, a gym, or a local community center probably has classes and activities available for parents of toddler children. Check your local newspaper, and free local community papers to see what is available.These classes and activities can help your child learn something new, can help you have fun, AND you will be around other adults who also have a toddler. It is very likely that you will meet some new people, make some friends, and once you are comfortable with them you can arrange play dates and possibly even offer to babysit for each other when/if needed.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (17 February 2013):
 Hi
Yes it is hard to get back into dating,with or without children.
I was a single Mum,I didn't find that put men off though.I found *I* was overly selective because I had children.You have to be so careful,keeping them away from the kids till your long term and sure of them etc etc.
You will meet somebody special just as you will meet frogs,but it's not something you can rush,just go with the flow.When it happens it happens,and it will.
It's a shame you can't move to be near family I think I definately would,for all sorts of support.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013): If you're just getting out of an abusive marriage, I believe thinking whether or not you'll be dating again isn't something to be worrying about right now. Your child and yourself should be what you think about worry about relationships later on! Obviously you'll find love again!!!
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (17 February 2013):
 Yes, being a single mom is challenging, especially finding another guy. Trust me when I say this -- you will love again and you will find someone. However, it may not be on your ideal time line...
Be patient! There are plenty of good guys out there to be found but you will have to get out there and live life so to speak. How about joining a gym? Often times they have daycare options where you can leave your little one with the supervised help. Also, don't be afraid to make small talk at the grocery store. Sometimes that is a great way to meet people too -- especially on Saturday and Sunday mornings -- the guys there are often not the partying types. How about church? Check out your local paper for social gatherings and attend them.
Find a hobby that you enjoy and pursue it. For instance, I do a lot of running and attend races. Most of these are for charity so you don't have to be an elite athlete to attend them. There are plenty of healthy, fit, single guys and girls. Find your niche that involves other people and get out there.
Finally be sure that you have ample time for a relationship. If you are constantly busy caring for your child you will short change your potential suitor as well as yourself. Sometimes your love life has to be put on hold during the early child rearing years as your first priority is to your child. Also be sure you are emotionally ready to date again. Sometimes after a bad marital experience, it can take some time to trust someone and allow yourself to love again.
You may find it useful to use an online dating service. A number of people have had good success with that -- however, like real life, you have to weed through the losers and players.
Finally be patient with yourself. You are going through a highly volatile time of being a single mother and raising a small child. The challenges that you will face will be tough -- but many other women have met them and succeeded. Don't let adversity scare you.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, sneha09  +, writes (17 February 2013):
 Well don't push yourself at first.There are many single moms in this world,don't get scared about that.Try to do things on your own without getting help from others(I am not saying about being single for the whole life). Trusting yourself is very necessary when you are trying to find a person whom you can trust. As you said friends cannot find a right date for you,stop asking them.Enjoy your time with your son,celebrate yourself,give yourself small treats,make some online friends.With this, do some homework about what kind of guy you really want and try talking with people around you,try to know them,just see you don't put your trust easily.It will be difficult at first but gradually as you will be well equipped and independent, you will easily be able to seek a person of your choice independently.
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