A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I jsut got married in October 2009 and I am feeling extremely unhappy. I don't know what to do because I love him but I am frustrated with his critical, negative behavior. We are already having sex issues and he blames me for that too. I feel like I am officially on shut off and shut down mode. Do I just walk away or keep right on tring? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009): u really should keep trying guys are strang.their is a movie called fire proof u should watch it in the movie the man and his wife go through about the same thing u are going through anyway i dont want to give it away but its a good movie at the end they get along so much better and were able to put their differentses aside give it a try it can't hurt anything
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009): I agree with the possibility of an emotional and verbal abuser. Any time your spouse withholds love and affection from you, it is a direct attack...it is as if you are in the fight of your life and you are the one armed bandit.
He has crippled your abilty to connect to him and he is turning your insecurities about the relationship onto yourself as a way to control you and keep you down. This is his way of punishing you so he can maintain control of you and so he can do what he wants to do within the relationship.
Are there any central "issues" that you have been disagreeing or arguing about? This may be his way of avoiding intimacy and keep from working as your partner, instead he has chosen to make you feel weak and fearful of standing your ground, again to get his way or to avoid having to deal with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009): Sounds to me like he's a verbal/emotional abuser. These people can be as sweet as anything when you first meet and date, but when you take it to a more serious level (living together/ marriage) they can start to grind you down. Has he been married before, or in a long-term relationship? It could help to find out if this is a pattern with him. Whatever you do, don't just settle in and take is as status quo. Get some counselling, even if you have to do it alone. I hope it works out for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009): You and your spouse should still be in the "Honey-Moon" stage of your relationship since the marriage is brand new. If you are already unhappy because his is not only critical, but blames you for all the problems. That behavior is typical of an abusive, controling, male with malignant narcissicm. They are charming until they have you, like Dr jekyl and Mr Hyde. Nothing is ever their fault because you started it by etc., etc.,. His past behavior will be your best indicator of his future behavior towards you. You have to be honest with yourself about him. What is your gut instinct telling you? Listen to it. If you don't, you may wake up one day to find your life wasted.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 December 2009):
 Wow, I think some counselling might be in order, if he refuses to go with you, go by yourself. Hopefully you will learn some tips on how to work out why he is like this, and even give you some tips on how to extricate youself from what appears to be a loveless marriage.
Dont sit there for the next 5 or 10 or 20 years feeling unloved and worthless, this behaviour of his needs to be called to a halt, otherwise it will only escalate.
Good luck
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