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Since I've started seeing this other guy, my ex has been back, asking me out again....

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 June 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 27 June 2008)
A female Ireland age 30-35, anonymous writes:

im hoping some people can offer some advice. my ex broke up with me 5months ago after 6years, he met someone new a few wks later. i was devastated but he didnt want to know. i then met a guy for drinks, he heard and since then has been back ringing constantly and seeing me all the time, calling in and asking me to call out. he says he cant imagine his future without me, but is afraid that things will end up the same,-disagreements etc. he looks into my eyes with this real stare and grips me when he hugs me like he never did before. he always seems to want to be in contact with me. i have asked him to stop,he;l stop for a day and the next day hes back. he went away for a few weeks2get a break and rang me every day from the other side of the world. when i ask him he always replies "i just dont know", any ideas?

im confused? can anyone offer some light? XX

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008):

I am in the same situation and I can't even say if that is right for you,I just tell you not to date both ur ex and ur new bf like I am doing now to be able to decide ,now I am lost.

best wishes

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A male reader, koler Canada +, writes (26 June 2008):

Why did you guys break up after 6 years? Who broke up? You or him? It sounds strange that he only wants to be with you after you start seeing other guys. Is he still seeing the new girl he started seeing? Give each other some time (6 months) to think about this relationship. He has to get his head straight first. Right now he sounds like he doesn't know what he wants and you want him to realize that its you and only you that he wants. Give him some space so that he can realize that.

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A male reader, Marco262 United States +, writes (26 June 2008):

All the dedication and love-struck singlemindedness in the world means absolutely nothing if your ex can't learn to respect a simple, "No". He's not in love with you, anonymous; he's in love with being with you. His actions are being driven out of jealously far more than love in this case, and you would do well to stay away from him.

I would recommend that, the next time he calls, let him know that you two will definitely not be getting back together. He's had his chance with you and he lost it. If he keeps calling you, start shortening down the length of your calls to discourage him from taking up your time, then move onto either sometimes not answering when he calls or leaving your phone off.

All this advice I've given assumes that you don't have any feelings for him. If you do want to get back together with him, that's your prerogative. However, from what you've written here, I would highly recommend you drive a wedge between yourself and your ex as soon as possible, before he ropes you into his obsessive fantasy world.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (26 June 2008):

Well if you want to get back together then start talking to him about it. If you don't want to get back together then don't answer your phone.

He could have realised that he's been an idiot and should never have let you go - of he could just be jealous that you are moving on.

You are going to have to force the issue a bit here or he'll just keep you dangling with "I don't know."

Ask him what he wants from you and if he says he doesn't know then tell him not to contact you again till he does. Then tell him you have to go, because he's not being fair, and it's hurting you that he keeps stringing you along.

Good Luck!! xx

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