A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey 32 yr old male here..quick story and I need some honest advice...been with this girl for 8 mo now and things have gotten pretty seious..i feel like she is a great girl all around..i am a very busy guy at this time in my life..2 jobs, 2 houses and i work my ass off! she seems to be into it, but is unwilling to fully committ to move here (she lives and hour away)..i am fidning it hard to understand her position on some things and have been thinking about ending it..i have had many conversations with her about how i want her here, i need her help with things, ect ect..we see each other once a week usually..she often has to work on saturday and doesn't get up to my place until late..she sometimes brings up that she wants to go away for the weekend to visit friends and does it..i feel that being in our early to mid thirties we should be working on cementing our relationship, being fully involed with the impt stuff and not so much worried about how many weeks we haven't hung out with our friends. i am a hard worker who worries about the future and will do eveything it takes to ensure that i am comfortable and secure in the future..she on the other hand doesn't make alot of money, lives in a small apt and has no health ins..i find it ridiculous that someone who doesn't have their life together at this age can still find the time to go away for the weekend and not worry about securing their life..i have bought this up and it hasn't gone over so well. i think that she should be with me, helping "us", trying to get her job in order, ect ect rather than hanging out for a whole weekend..my position is that you have to be secure in things and work your butt to make it in this world and if that means fixing the house or sweeping leaves in the driveway, well than i don't have time to "hang out" right now in my life..am i wrrong here
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female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (25 October 2009):
 You have no right to judge her- if she wants to live in a one bedroom apartment and focus more on her social life, that's her choice. Just because she's not wanting to settle down just yet doesn't make her irresponsible! She probably is happier than you, has a higher quality of life, more friends, closer connections than you do, to be honest. She's not saddled down with kids or a marriage and it doesn't sound like she's going to be ready for that anytime soon. Maybe health insurance isn't a high priority because she has low blood pressure from not being a workoholic, or lifestyle-induced high stress levels.
Interesting how you except HER to fit into your lifestyle, not the other way around. You sound controlling.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): You sound like a very demanding man, may be she doesn't want to be w/someone like you, i wouldn't
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (25 October 2009):
 I think it is all about compromise here you know what you want and so does she but it does not mean to say it is the same priorities for you both.
She might not see the need to have health insurance, although having said that i know in the states that is a necessity should you fall ill.
Not everyone thinks as you do but i can see your point at your age you would think some of these things would be in place, but if she hasn't been earning a lot of money and in a lesser job than you, she may look forward to just hanging out with you rather than sorting the house out etc:
You both seem to have different views on these things and whilst that is fine it is obviously causing you some grief! you need to talk this over in greater depth i feel with her to make her realise your not so much as trying to change her but change your lifestyles to make it better!
Sometimes it is better taking the we approach as opposed to the me one!
We all get there in the end trust me.
Gina
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy + ♥, writes (25 October 2009):
There might be something in her past that makes her feel she has to take her time. 8 months isn't as long as it seems, so why don't you try talking to her. Tell her you love her and would love her to consider moving in with you. If she says no, ask her why she feels that way and really listen to her.
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