A
female
age
51-59,
*zb31
writes:I have been seeing my boyfriend for 8 months now. he broke off the relationship with his former girlfriend before we met, but because it was winter he still had his motorcyle and car stored in her garage. that bothered me because i felt there was still a connection then. two months into it he mentioned she may lose her job. i asked how he knew that and he said they were "blabbing" in emails. i told him it wasn't right and he agreed to stop talking to her if it bothered me. since then the weather has gotten warmer and he has retrieved his vehicles. the other day he forwarded an email to me and her name was on it. i asked why he was forwarding emails to her and he said he just goes down the contact list and was unaware he had sent it to her. after all these months together and no reason to contact her, shouldn't he remove her from his contact list? he says i'm being paranoid. is this just a stupid guy thing? or should i be worried? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tamika1983 +, writes (8 August 2009):
He should infact move her from the contact list if u are that uncomfortable out of respect of u and your feelings. He may just be thinking that your insecure as most guys do. Guys fail to realize that they are usually the ones who make u insecure and vise versa. I was in the same situation. My daughter's father and I have a very close relationship. We can talk on the phone, go on trips, to clubs, strip clubs etc. And this makes my current boyfriend whom I also share a child with very uncomfortable. He just couldn't understand why I wanted to spend time with him if nothing was going on. I kept telling him cause it took us a long time to get our relationship into best friend mode and I didn't want to loose that but he still didn't understand. So his next move was I had to stop calling him and going out with him I hated it and refused it because he was always there for me and he still is. We just have a more distant relationship because of my decision to take my boyfriends request seriously if I wanted a future with him. Just lay down your rules and tell him to put himself in your shoes and ask him how he would feel. Good luckk!
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (8 August 2009):
 Personally, I think that you're overreacting a bit. I don't think that a forwarded e-mail is a threat to you or your relationship and I think you need to put more trust into your boyfriend. I think you are getting overly threatened by this girl, and it makes me feel like you're not very secure in the relationship you have... is your boyfriend giving you lots of reasons to not trust him? Has he cheated in the past?
I'm friends with all of my exes, married now to a great fella who is friends with his exes. In fact, one of my exes ended up being one of his groomsmen! It's all good because we trust each other to the nines and friends are friends.
That's my thought on this...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): What is the problem that you have with him having the occasional email from the former lover? Is it an insecurity issue? Have you not read through this web site that insecurity and control breeds contempt?
I can understand to a degree, that it may make you feel uncomfortable, but for myself, I have never asked any of my lovers to stop their friendship with their exes. If our relationship do not last and she goes back to her ex, it simply means our relationship was not strong in the first place.
Often, it is not the connections we still have with our former lovers that put the obstacles in our relationships with our loved ones, but the control we put onto our lovers that cause these rifts.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (8 August 2009):
 Yes he should remove her from his contact list and the excuse he's giving you is total bullshit. But take heart, he will eventually get over her, it just may take longer than you want. I have been with my b/f for almost 5 years and we still have issues with one of his old girlfriends who thinks it's still okay to occasionally contact him. I think it has something to do with "hanging onto their options" or not wanting to "burn any bridges" just in case things don't work out in their current relationship. Eventually if he's committed to you, she will go away. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, Farm Girl +, writes (8 August 2009):
 I'm by no means saying that he's fooling around with her, but I do agree that he should remove her from his list of contacts. Some people have a hard time cutting off all ties with an ex. It's as though they want to leave the door cracked open just a bit. The problem is, later down the line one or the other will be having a bad time, one thing leads to another, and out of nowhere, you get blind sided with an ex. back in the picture.Removing them is not a sure fire thing, but it is a nice precautionary measure.Hope this helps:)
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A
female
reader, cherry cherry boom boom +, writes (8 August 2009):
He has no good reason to keep her on his list. Tell him to do it or you will, but don't get angry or jelous he will take it off. This ya girl, peace.
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A
female
reader, worriedgal +, writes (8 August 2009):
Hi there, my husband who was my boyfriend at the time had these sort of issues with girls he had just dated once and an ex as well. I was like you paranoid and annoyed at the same time. I think you need to tell him that you are with him now and if he doesnt want that to be the case then he needs to tell you but he cant have the cake and eat it too. It is not cool to have an ex girlfriend on a contact list for forwarding emails cos in a way that means shes always in his life.
You are with him now and this is your time..let him know how your feeling and tell him...it has to stop...get rid of her off the contact list and stop helping her out...no matter who broke it off its not healthy for your relationship with him that they stay in touch, ok?
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