| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: This is regarding an academic relationship. I am a female masters student and my supervisor is male. There have been instances over the past 18 months where comments he has made have made me feel uncomfortable such as 'don't be a burden' and 'I hope you don't think I am chauvinistic' or 'I hope I don't sound like I am mansplaining'. These comments make me feel as though he is coming to the situation with gender bias and it is not a good work environment to be in. There have been other subtle undermining comments.When we have our monthly meeting, I don't talk much because I know that he likes to dominate the meeting with often very dry, dull things unrelated to my project. When I do speak, I don't feel as though he is listening.The way he speaks to me is very condescending (I have learnt this is normal for academics) but I am a mature aged student in my thirties and ran a business before deciding to do my masters so being spoken to in a condescending manner is quite tiring and undermining. I feel as though i am always 'in trouble'. I would go as far to say that we have never really had a real conversation because he talks 'at' me and doesn't REALLY listen to what I am saying. He is waiting to cut in and keep talking.I also feel very controlled. I am the only student that he is supervising at the moment. He has asked me to cc him in emails to other areas within the faculty and when he found out that I made contact with them without his knowledge he expressed his annoyance and told me that there was no need because he had already given me the information that I need. He had given me the information that I needed but I have every right and freedom to speak to other people within the faculty if I like.On a side note, he might be the most boring person that I have ever met. I thought after a year and a half that some shred of personality might emerge but to no avail.Having said this, I am not sure that I want to change because I know that academics are extremely unprofessional in situations like this. I have tried to speak to a representative about changing. I requested a confidential phone conversation and the person that I spoke to told me that because my supervisor is their colleague that it puts them in a very difficult situation and that they would discuss with another representative and get back to me. That was a month ago and they never called me back with any advice on how I could move forward. I also have reason to believe that they told my supervisor that I am considering changing supervisor even after I requested a confidential conversation. I am concerned that there may be ramifications if I hurt an academic's fragile ego and I can't discuss with anyone in the university because it seems as though they are all in cahoots. I just want a supervisor who will give me feedback on my thesis and otherwise stay out of my way. Does anyone have any personal experience or thoughts about this situation? Basically, I want to know if changing supervisor is the best option.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2020): You're paying for your masters, right? So you're paying for a service. If you dont like the guy for whatever reason, you are well within your rights to request a differe t supervisor. You shouldn't really even need to give much of a reason and if they ask you can just say that you dont feel like you 'click'. If its holding you back from learning then change supervisor.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (23 November 2020):
 Call back to the representative and DEMAND to get a new supervisor. If you can't work with him you should ask for a new one. F his fragile ego.
You don't OWE him to CC him on emails. That doesn't sound right at all. You should be able to interact and contact ANY and ALL faculty member who can assist you. That is why they are there.
OR suck it up and finish your work.
Whenever he talks about other things tell him to stick to the subject or switch the subject - over and over until he gets it.
And honestly? Stop being so sensitive.
A guy will explain things from THEIR point of view. Just like YOU do from YOUR point of view as a woman.
If you think he is a chauvinist, then THINK that, it's none of his business and has no bearing on your thesis, right?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2020): I work in a university and find it disturbing that the tutor you spoke to told you it put them in an 'awkward' position with being a colleague of your supervisor. Very unprofessional in my view and should have been an irrelevant factor.
I think if you're not being pushed to your full potential then you have every right to request a new supervisor,
Are you part time on your masters? How long do you have left?
I think if the team of staff on your subject are not helping then you need to go above them to either the Head of School or better yet - the director of student experience. That will get a full response.
As a paying student you have every right to expect your study route to be as comfortable as possible.
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