A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a member of staff about 7 years ago at the school I go to. We know each other very well and are close but I've fallen in love with him. I know this is wrong and he is married. I know I dont stand a chance due to the compications involved but I'm finding it hard to move on. I've tried by going out with other guys but he's all I can think about. I don't know what to do. I've tried avoiding him and I did for about two weeks until last week. He saw me and all he did was stand and smile at me, me reaction was the same. I then went upto him and he thought I was avoiding him and not speaking to him. He makes me so happy and everytime I see him he puts a smile on my face. Thing is he's going to Zambia next week and I don't know whether to avoid him and not see him again until September which gives me the summer to try and get over him or avoid him and then go and see him just before he goes. I also have another problem. The same guy is the only person I trust and something traumatic happened to me as a child, but no-ones knows- not even my parents. I've kept this to myself and to be honest it's killing me not telling anyone but he's the only one I can tell but he's so busy as he's a Network Manager. He also shares an office meaning its hard to talk to him on my own. I don't know how to approach and tell him and I'm worried if I do tell him, what will he think of me. Please help.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (9 July 2007):
 Stay as far away from him as you can get. I'm sure you can find a couselor if you try, there are free clinics, a friend's parent, pastor, etc. Just how tramatic was this thing that happened to you?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007): You really need to stay completely away from him. He is married.
And, it would be a good idea to find an "outside" counsellor to talk to whom you trust. You should be able to find a listing of psychologists or mental health professionals in the Yellow Pages of your phone book, or on the internet, who practise where you live.
Alternatively, perhaps you could make an appointment with your local minister and ask him/her to recommend a counsellor.......
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007): I posted the question.
I dont speak 2 my dad, and I dont have a good relationship with my mum AND there is no school councillor. I'm scared to go to one outside. I know what I feel is wrong but is it really that bad to talk to someone who I trusted even before I had feelings for him?
and do I see him before he goes to Zambia or stay away from him until September to give me time to get over him?
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (9 July 2007):
I would speak to your parents about your problem if possible. If you can’t, then speak to a school councillor. This man is the last one that you should talk to about it because you are emotionally involved with him. It would just be an excuse to do what you know is wrong. The way you behave towards him is to smile if you happen to see him, but try to avoid him as much as possible. By September, it will have got a lot easier for you.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 July 2007):
He is married, that is the end of that story. Now as far as counseling goes, surely your needs will be met much better by one of the school's couselors? Not the Network Manager. I mean if someone needed brain surgery would you ask a plumber to do it? Go seek the help you need and good luck.
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A
female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (9 July 2007):
 Wish him the best with his work in Zambia. It never hurts to give someone support when they are leaving. After that, you get your emotions in order for two reasons
1) HE IS MARRIED. Nothing can happen between you two. The last thing you need is an angry wife threating you. He is already promised to another person. Deal with it.
2) You said you feel he is the only person you can trust with what happened to you when you were a child. Unless this traumatic experience deals directly with your parents then NO ONE ELSE SHOULD TAKE THEIR PLACE OF TRUST!!! Period. I think because you have feelings for this guy you feel he is the only one you trust. You have invested your heart in to someone who hardly knows you on a personal level just a work place one. Your parents RAISED you and brought you into the world. This guy has just been there to chitchat and smile at you. Think about that a bit.
You need to talk to a counselor who can be objective in this matter and is trained to help people in your situation about what happened in your childhood. They have connections and know of help you can get. Sure telling to someone you have a crush on would feel great but what can he really do? Nothing.
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