A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should I trust my instincts or is that unfair? I used to always trust my instincts when it came to relationships, what would work and what wouldn't, and it always turned out well. Until my last boyfriend, when I ignored my doubts and went for it anyway. That turned into a 3 year abusive relationship which I finally got out of a year ago. Now I've been seeing somone new for a couple of months. He's really nice, but my instincts are telling me he'd be better as a friend and I should steer clear of dating him long term. I can't quite pinpoint all the little things that are making me feel this way and I don't know this guy that well yet, so it does seem a bit unfair to turn him down for no apparent reason (I mean I'm definitely attracted to him) but I also think I have good instincts generally and I should follow them more. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (1 August 2009):
 Your gut never lies, young lady. In my 44 years on this planet the times I went against my gut feeling in the relationship department I was flopping around like a Crappiefish out of water. And believe me, that visual is not far from the truth either..lol
Trust the gut, especially if its telling you he is not dating material. In time it may be ok to re-evaluate, but if your gut is telling you this now, listen to it.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (1 August 2009):
Well, I think most people know off the bat (regardless of looks) if they're interested in someone romantically or not. And sometimes you just get a "friend" vibe from them. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes it's best to be friends with someone first before any sort of romantic relationship develops. I would say give him another shot, get to know him a little more, and if you still feel the same way about him then you can choose if you want to keep him as a friend or not. He may not like just being friends, so it could just end there. You also don't want to lead him on and hurt his feelings. So maybe 1 or 2 more dates...then see how you feel.
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