A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody,My wife of 6 years went on vacation with her aunt for a week recently. Apparently she met another guy (I don't think anything happened between them, at least that's what she told me) but that guy had, and still has, a crush on her. He emailed her stuff like how he wish he could hear her sweet voice again and how he wished he could meet my wife again. She hasn't replied anything of this kind back to him, but the fact that she still replies him (via mail and facebook) really bothers me. It makes me really mad, actually. Am I being unreasonable or should I ask her to stop mailing back and forth? I feel it is pretty disrespectful towards me and our marriageThanks for your opinion on this...
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female
reader, tjazzy  +, writes (26 March 2010):
Ask her to stop, I'd be seriously upset if I were you. Just ask her to block his email address, or better still, do it for her. A silly guy isn't worth shaking up a marriage over. She's not single anymore and that means there are certain kinds of friends she can no longer keep, same goes for you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2010): I don't believe what your wife told you.
She actually said she humored the new guy because she could use him? Nice!!!!!I think if you analyze that thought process there is something amiss in her testimony. She probably liked the guy, the attention and would have wanted to avail herself of his attention in the future.Now, the fact that your intuition has you running scared about the situation tells me to investigate further.
How does she use you now?
You need to communicate with your wife about how you feel and what you want from her. Time to reconnect.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your input, I really appreciate this.
I talked to her this morning and told her how i feel about it. To her it was all a big joke. She said that he is not really attractive, and the only reason for her to keep in contact was just her being nice and maybe to someday get an upgrade on our future vacation, since that guy works in the travel industry. To be honest, i would have never accepted that upgrade and would rather pay for it. so anyways, she said that she understands how i feel and that she won't stay in contact anymore. We'll see..
Thanks again for your input!!
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A
female
reader, YourDestiny11 +, writes (26 March 2010):
 She is way wrong to be doing that and u have all the right to tell her to stop because that is very disrespectful to u. U need to put ur foot down. good luck.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (26 March 2010):
 I think that it's a golden rule that whenever anyone shows interest (more than a friendship) towards someone in a relationship, it's that person's responsibility to end it. I mean it's one thing to make a comment or two in a joking manner, but this guy seems to really like her a lot. I think she's just mailing back because she likes the attention and compliments, not so much because she feels the same way towards him. Believe me, if that was a case, she'd make it a point to see him again.
So I think you really need to sit down with her and talk. Don't say that you 'forbid' her from talking to him again, but just state how comfortable you are and how you don't think it's fair to you. Don't tell her to do anything. Allow her to make her own choice, because that will inform you of how she really feels. If she knows how uncomfortable you are and stops, then she has your feelings in consideration.
What you are feeling is totally reasonable, and I certainly wouldn't want my partner in contact with someone, leading them on even, that obviously has feelings for them. Friends are one thing, but if someone makes the move to make things more than friends, that's when the friendship needs to stop. Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2010): Ask her to stop contact with him as hes not prepared to be an ordinary friend. You arent being unreasonable. Ask your wife how she would feel if you had a woman messaging you that sort of thing. Im sure she wouldnt like it. If she says she wouldnt mind, then theres something amiss with the marriage x
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