A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm married and very regrettably cheated on my husband 5 years ago. After a few months I told him what I did but not who with. (it was with a guy friend but my husband didnt really know him but knew I was catching up with him now and then)My husband dint want to know any details and forgave me and we never spoke of it again. We have recently had some issues and were having an open and honest session after I found he'd lied about something which hurt me. He asked about this guy friend I'd once known and I changed the subject.Now I am feeling guilty again over this issue, should I confess and tell him it was this guy friend or leave it? We are so much in love and have 2 kids. I have never seen the guy friend ever again and I would never cheat ever again. But I hate keeping secrets from my husband although if I told him I fear he would think I was covering up an affair, which it wasnt. We were only friends the whole time and then it happened and we cut off our friendship.I am going crazy. What should I do? live with the guilt or tell? is it really worth while to be bringing it up again after all this time seeing he had forgiven me and why we are so very happy?I feel so ashamed and guilty and dont want to break up our young family. Im worried he will find out one day and be so angry I lied about it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): FORGET THATDONT TELL HIM. YOU told him enough already...Tell him it doesnt matter to you anymore so its done and over with forget it. Why bring up matters from the past if things are good now. ARe you guys trying to find a reason to break up. I mean come on why do you need him to know. it wont take away the guilt and you will probally regret TELLIng him.. Live with it. And get over it and just do better in life. ITs not the end of the world.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): If either one of you bring it up, its not over.
Its simmering.
Ours did for 10 yrs, until divorce.
Yours may be the same.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): Thanks for the replies. In our discussion yes he did mention this guy but he also said that issue was in the past and should stay there. He said he didnt want to know all the details. So I want to tell him but why should I hurt him if he doesnt want to really know??In a mans opinion, would you want to know? Would it just cause more hurt and further questions?
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A
male
reader, JohnR  +, writes (29 November 2007):
 Well, I'm glad you two seem to be able to work through this, however, it is obvious that this affair is always in the back of his mind (understandably). He has the right as your husband to know everything he wants to know about this affair. I say, talk it out, tell him everything about it, and hopefully, it can be a dead and buried issue (I think so since he forgave you and you've been together for 5 more years since the affair). If you really love each other, and both of you remain faithfull from this point forward, then 'airing the issue' and coming completely clean will close out that mistake. Hopefully, he can then just push it out of his mind, and you two get on with your lives together. I wish you both all the best.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (29 November 2007):
 Does it not seem strange he brought up this guy in the middle of your "open and honest" discussion? He asked about the guy friend because this has been in the back of his head. He was trying to be the good husband when you were hanging out with this guy and not give you a hard time about it. That's what we're supposed to do. It backfired though.
I don't think you were only just friends with this guy and it's bothering you. Most people can feel an attraction, and the moments leading up to the first embrace don't just happen. There is a feeling of closeness...too close. We usually see it coming, to some extent. We just enjoy the feeling and don't want o admit it to ourselves. Admitting it would mean we have to stop.
Talk to him and ask him if there are any issues in the marriage that bother him. Ask him as if your are genuinely concerned. Deal with what he mentions. I feel these things are lurking in his head. I could be wrong but he did mention this guy, out of the blue.
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A
female
reader, peaches83  +, writes (29 November 2007):
 hi
Ok firstly it was 5 years ago. If your husband wanted to know who it was with he would have asked about it then. Unless he asks there is no need to tell. As you have said you have come throught htis and are very much in love, dont try to hang on to the past.
Enjoy the fact that someone loves you and now has the trust in you.
Hope all goes well
Peaches
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A
male
reader, matt_searle603 +, writes (29 November 2007):
i personaly think if he wants to know, tell him.
if hes loves you he will understand that you had the courage to tell the truth. i was lied to in my last relationship and my ex covered it up with lies and deceptions, which made me a jelous and possive which in the end was our downfall. tell him, but make sure u tell him it was in the past and that u really love him. reassure him you never see this bloke again and that hes number one in your life
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