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Should I tell my first cousin I'm in love with her?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 November 2007) 25 Answers - (Newest, 11 March 2013)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I was wondering what other people thought about this. For many years me and my older cousin(female) have been REALLY close. We've slept and cuddled together in the same bed,i often spend the night at her place,we text each other often everyday saying "I love you" etc. that sort of thing. A few times at her place we've cuddled together in front of the fireplace and fell asleep. Is stuff like this normal for first cousins? By the way i do love hern ot only as a cousin but as more than a cousin. I was just wondering what people thought of this,i HAD a gf but ended it with her. Ive never told my cousin how i felt so i was wondering what advice anyone had.

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A female reader, wonita Guyana +, writes (11 March 2013):

yes stuff like that is normal for first cousins. because im in love with my first cousin also. but u need to be careful because its wrong nothing is wrong to be love with your cousin but the thing u do will be wrong

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A male reader, someguyman United States +, writes (5 November 2012):

well i'm in love with my cousin to. and its better to tell her than keep it a secret because you will feel more guilty not letting her know.

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A male reader, TheEffect Zimbabwe +, writes (11 March 2012):

I m in the same situation.We kind of look at each other at times in an attraction.And at other moments she avoid my eyes reading something.I love her i thnk she nows by now.Bt i want to be sure

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011):

i have the same problem, Me and my cousin (female) have always been closer when we were little kids. When we were 7 i asked her if she wanted to play "doctor" and she almost immediately said yes. Unfortunately my dad found out and it did not go well. After that when we were about 8 at my grandmothers house we would always change cloths in the same room and sleep in the same bed. However after the whole "doctor" incident i was nervous so i started to stay away from her. Now that im older everytime we go to family events she laughs at every joke i say but i can tell she remembers "doctor" and i dont know what to do. Ive been thinking about it and this easter we will both be going to my grandmothers house for easter. I want to tell her but im afraid it will destroy the small sliver of a friendship that we have

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011):

god i wish i knew the answer to that because im in love with my cousin an would honestly do anything in the world for her an she has no idea because im to scared of how bad it could turn out....i damn near cry everyday because i know i wont ever b happy without her so jus consider yourself lucky if u get a chance with her...theres ppl out there like me who wont ever get that lucky :'(

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011):

its strange... its like u love them but ur afraid.. im inian and its totally aceptable in my culture to love cousins, but if you havent tried then you have truly failed.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010):

I have feelings for my cousin as well, we're both over 25 and we have relationships with other people but we used to be close. The last time I was with her, I think she was trying to lead me on but I couldn't tell. Anyway, I played dumb. Now that she's gone again, I can't stop thinking of her and I wish I can just tell her my feelings but I'm really scared that she will freak out, even though she might not, but I'm still scared to tell her.

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A male reader, pjvn86 India +, writes (29 June 2010):

hey.. Its pretty natural. For me it started almost 5 years ago.. she was in love with someone and had some problems with him.. i believe i helped over come the stress.. That was just an attraction and she was not sure whether that was true love. We became very close to each other.. texting, talking over phone everyday, as you said, cuddling and we even kissed each other. From the very beginning, we know that it is not going to succeed but we couldn't avoid each other. Now, she is about to marry some one. she is ready for it too.. Can i say NO to her. She just loves to have a baby. :-) I don't mean that she is avoiding me. she is the same. I cried a lot to her. Of course, no use it.

At times, i have even thought that whether she is showing love only for the sake that i love her and i still couldn't get a clear answer on that. I leaving her now.. Trying to avoid her. I don't want to spoil another girl's life by marrying her and i wish ill be all alone.

Guys, Pls. I don't want anybody to have this pain. If you feel that you are starting to get closer with your first cousin. Pls. Pls avoid them. This is all i can say.

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A female reader, rebelchild United States +, writes (5 August 2009):

be honest and just go for it. while innitially i thought it taboo, it happened to me. i wouldnt trade it for the world.

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A male reader, direxps Bosnia and Herzegovina +, writes (10 October 2008):

I just did that couple a days ago. I told my first female cousin I love her. I too had great time with her. Some moments were almost intimate. But lett me tell you what happened after. After I told her everything, about how life near her(we work togeder, watch movies from time to time and go on summer wacations together) was like pain and happiness at same time, becouse she probably doesn't feel the same way, she was shocked. After that we hardly looked each other, we talkd via msn, and every time she starts to avoid the subject. She told her sister about it, afer seeing me nervouse and smoking more than usual. Husband of her sister even wrote me a letter to tell my what bastard I and how feelings I have are wrong. For now only 4 of us know about my shame. Now after all, I start asking my self is it realy worth loving someone. Since when loving someone is a criminal? I dont know what I am going to do next, it's been only 3 days from my confession. I can tell you that I'm happy for everyone that doesn't have this problem. It's emotionaly very stresing and hard. Now I'm going to live the rest of my life knowing I will die alone, for there is no substitute. My message to you all is to try and stay away from problems like this, becouse people are primitive and like to judge others. As for you that found happines with your cousins I can wish all good luck and to appreciate every single moment. Good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008):

I'm almost in the same boat as some of you, me and my cousin have fallen head over heels for each other. Obviously since a year ago when we realised we had feelings for one another, things have been very confusing and somewhat stressing at times. But I have a problem, we are a couple in our eyes, but we dont know how to tell our family because we're too afraid they will dis-own us, also how do I tell my friends that the girl I am in love with, is my cousin? What would they think? How would that affect my life and my work?

My cousin and I are still very young, her 20 and me 19 but we are both very wise beyond our years from seeing both our parents marriages fall apart. This also slows us down from wanting to just tell everyone and commit to one another in case we fall out and our whole family relationship would go down the tubes. Often we consider just getting a really big loan and taking off to a foreign country and starting fresh, but what happens if it didn't work out and our parents didn't want to know us after? All of these questions have tortured me for a long time and so far, we have only had each other to speak to about it. I need some sensible advice; my heart tells me to give everything up and stick with her, but my brain tells me to forget about it, she's my cousin after all! Which do I follow??!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008):

Yeah! nothing is seriously wrong to be in love with any cousin. Geneticists claim that there is an increased risk of birth defects in the offsprings of first cousin. as a human being we are more comlex than other animals. The other animals often mate with their close relatives and believe me I never seen any defects in the offspring of cousin dogs and cats. It just occurs in human according to science, and more so in the culture who considers to have sex with cousin is insane.

Sattar

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008):

seems like your cousin likes you too. You must tell her how you feel :)! It's encouraged. I did the same with my first cousin and we're unseparable now.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I'm happy that she feels the same! I can't tell you exactly what to do since each case is unique. However do what yall both feel yall want to do whether its getting intimate or not. But don't force anything cause you don't want to ruin the relationship. Me and my cousin are taking things slow because neither of us want to jump ahead and rush things. I have no problem "keeping it in the family" like you, my cousin I love more than any other person. My ex found out about us(that's y she's my ex) but my cousin has always been there. Please keep me updated! I hope I helped some

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008):

dude, im in this exact same situation that you are in. except its my second cousin and i have been thinking about her ever since i was 7 years old! ever since i was 7 i liked her ( scratch that, loved her!) she feels the same about me because she tells me she likes me. i know that if i did anything with her or vis versa our family would look at us... its been dormant for a while ( hits me every 2 years or so) but it we have increasingly become more and more involved ( nothing physical besides talking on the phone). we just stick to talking each other ( for hours! about anything!!) because its the only thing we could do without suspicious people looking at us. no other girl in my life even comes close to what i feel about her. i could see most beautiful females in the world and it couldn't change my mind how i feel about her... its hard to describe this type of love.

note: if she wasn't related... i would have been married her a long time ago...

so my question is what should i do? keep this as it is ( trying my best to keep it like this)?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi,in response to the last poster: I did finally tell her:) she was shocked but not in a negative way,nothing has changed. We are taking things slowly but she does let me kiss her on the cheek,near the lips,do cousins usually do that? I love her with all my heart,if people think im sick etc it doesn't matter,I won't stop being involved with my cousin and yes she's still my #1 love:) there's more to say so I hope to hear from yall soon

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008):

I dont know if you ever check this again, but i was wondering how things went with your cousin.

I`ve got a few cousins, but i`ve never really met them, and well recently i met one and i thought she was hot.

And well i get the feeling she thinks the same about me, but i cant be sure, I think she feels the same but she is being more sensible about the situation and after we where out one night the day after she has been cold with me.

So any more advice would be great. And also as i said be good to know what you did etc.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008):

Interesting good luck in many cultures it happens several of my friends are products such first and second cousin marriages nothing genetically wrong with them but hey its not approved in every culture

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008):

man Im in the same shooes you are!!! lately i have spent time with my cousin(female) we have gone to the movies and had fun together...i really like her but im afraid of how she would react to it...i guess we just have to be patient until one day something happens and i just pray she falls in love with me...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008):

man Im in the same shooes you are!!! lately i have spent time with my cousin(female) we have gone to the movies and had fun together...i really like her but im afraid of how she would react to it...i guess we just have to be patient until one day something happens and i just pray she falls in love with me...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks so much for the advice,to the anonymous guy,i do tell her shes "hot" or looks really good in what shes wearing etc. so is that a good start,oh and her responses are always like "thank you!" with a smile its nothing like she feels weird etc. what are some other ways i should tell her? to the anon. female,thank you for your advice,youre right we gotta take a chance=)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007):

hej! I think you should tell her...I love my second cousin(male)and we have been together for 4 months but it's a sicret for now (few of our friends know)...we are scared to tell our parents and other relatives...when i have realized i'm in love with him I was scared and the begining was hard...but now i'm the happiest pearson on earth...it's worth taking chance! belive me...

I wish you good luck with here and i hope you will find the happines like i did...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2007):

Telling anyone for the first time that you love them is a risk, no matter who it is.

Instead of saying "the whole thing" you could just one day tell her that she's looking absolutely beautiful today. Her reaction to that might tell you what you want to know.

Less risk, but less courage shown. And if it's going to turn out well, then being courageous at the start might make ... even unto the rest of your life better.

But this is your life, rather than the life of some anonymous guy on the internet. I offer this as a suggestion of what you might do. But it's your life, and you should live it the way that YOU want to.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the advice! any advice on how i should tell her?

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A female reader, blondie 12 South Africa +, writes (17 November 2007):

blondie 12 agony aunttell her if you and her are really close than she will not hold it agains you hey she might think the same way she might be hopeing you'll make the frist move it ligle (i think)your family might not like it but your happy thats all that matters

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