A
female
age
30-35,
*mAnDi*pAnDi*
writes:So I have this friend that I've known for about 7 years. We went to the same highschool, and now we're in college together. We had a falling out a few years ago, because I couldn't stand her lying to everyone, gossiping, and using people anymore. I got in contact with her again before we started college, because I thought that she changed. She did grow up a bit, I thought she was motivated to get her life on track now, and that she had time to grow up a bit. I think I might be wrong though. She never shows up to class (misses at least 2 days/week), and lies to teachers about being "sick". It pisses me off because she gets away with it EVERY TIME! Also, she doesn't have a car, and seems to call me to "hang out" whenever she needs a ride, and doesn't give me gas money or anything. She also relies on me to bring her the homework that she constantly misses and ALWAYS "misplaces her debit card". She's not a terrible person, she's pretty good to talk to,and i know that she's ditzy and forgetful sometimes, but I just think she's using me lots of the time. I don't know what to do about it. It's hard to cut off our relationship because we're in pretty much all the same classes so I'll see her everyday, and we hang out with the same people. Also, we've known each other for a while, so how do i adjust to that kind of change?
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female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (3 March 2010):
 I don't think you necessarily need to end the friendship, you just have to figure out how to "manage" this girl. You have to counter her behavior by being less accommodating; she is taking advantage of you and you have to start saying "no" to her.
When she calls to hang out, tell her you need gas otherwise you can't pick her up. You could also pick her up, go straight to the gas station and ask her for money when you pull up to the pump; don't wait for her to offer because she won't. I do this all the time with moochers and after a few times, they understand that no gas money for me means no ride for them. You'd be amazed how quickly they "find" money to help out!
Don't pick up her homework; you're in college,not high school, and everyone is responsible for their own work. If she asks about homework for a class she missed, tell her to look at the syllabus and to contact the professor directly to get her missed assignment.
As far as being "sick" and missing class, it annoys you but trust me, she's not getting away with it. Your professors know this is bull--they've seen it again and again--and her absences will be reflected in her final grade. I've had professors put questions on tests that you'd know the answer to ONLY if you'd been in class regularly.
A
female
reader, nessabarela505 +, writes (3 March 2010):
Let her know why you stopped talkin to her in the first place that you do not like her attitude and that you feel that she's taking your friendship for granted. She might get upset and she might say some hurtful things but just ignore it don't make hurtful comments on your part after she has said some of her own just walk away. Just ignore her if you have too soon shell get over it and she will pay no attention to you might take awhile before that happens. You say you hang around the same group of people if anybody asks or if gossip starts just be flat out and tell them why and how you felt if they are truly your friends they won't misjudge you.
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