A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, here is my problem. I have known this one guy, i'll call him "jim," my entire life, for most of that time he had said he loves me and wants to marry me. for years I had a crush on him but I didnt act on it because i knew how he acted with girls, always moving from one to the next. Well, i finally gave in 4 years ago, he was my first kiss and my first REAL bf. it took me a long time to finally say i loved him too. after about a month of dating, he broke my heart, he emailed my sister and told her he was thinking of dumping me. so i called him and dumped him. About a year later i met this other guy, i'll call him "ray". well, after dating ray for about 6 or 7 months he proposed and i said yes, (this was about 2 years ago).I still talk to jim regularly. I keep picking fights with ray over stupid stuff. I realized about a year ago that i still have feelings for jim, which i told ray about and he said that he just wants me to be happy and whatever i choose he just wants to be a part of my life. my question is should i stay with ray knowing that i still have these feelings for jim, or should i let ray go even though jim has a new gf?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 April 2010):
If you don't love Ray enough, you have to let him go so he can find someone who will love him. Then you can see if Jim wants you back. If he doesn't, then you'll need to spend time alone and really get over both these men before you can have a relationship again. If jim loves you, he will come to you when he knows you are single. Don't pressure him to break up, because you'll look bad. Just become single again and see what happens. But don't stay with Ray. He's not the one.
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