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male
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anonymous
writes: Myself and my wife have been together for ten years and married for two years. I feel that the spark has gone, we dont seem to click anymore. I have a jelouse streak in me and constantly think she is falling for other guys, because she seems to get along better with other men. She gets angry with me very easily and treats other people with respect and i feel that she is just complaicent with me.There is no loving in our lives and sex has started to feel like a chore. Should i stay in this sour marriage or get divorced and find someone i click with and treats me better than other men.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2006): I know kinda what you are going through. I too find myself wondering if my husband is falling for other woman because he really seems to get along with them much better than he does with me. He complains about almost everything I do whereas if it were another woman doing the same thing he wont be bothered at all. I tried talking to him about this a few times and he has told me that he just loves me so much that it is hard for him to see me do anything wrong (almost like he has this perfect image of me in his head and it is hard for him to accept anything less). Of course this is really hard on me and I have told him several times that I am not perfect, and he always says that he knows, but just cant help it, and for me to think of him getting angry with me is a sign of his love for me. But we didnt find all of this out until we talked seperatly with a mutual friend of ours who is studying to be a counselor. I think the best thing for you and your wife would be to go through counseling, but if she is not willing to go (like my husnband was) then try to find someone to talk to that you both can trust and respect. Sometimes just having an argument infront of a 3rd party helps you see things from the others perspective. Also you should know that you and your wife are together for a reason, maybe you two just need to be reminded of why you got married in the first place.
A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (22 February 2006):
 To keep this flame or any flame alive it takes lots of work.
Four weeks is all you need to recharge your relationship. Even if she first resists and accuses you of being false don't give up.
1. Do not critize or fight for a week (no matter what she does).
2. The next week do that and then start telling her how much you adore her (verbally and written).
3. Next week continue what you have been doing but surprise her with some little surprise or gift.
4. The fourth week continue what you have done but ask her out in some silly romantic way on a date. Keep this up to have a wonderful life with this women.
If this doesn't work then there are deeper problems and the best way to work them out is in counseling together. Your church pastor's will help in this area or go to a proffesional.
Just remember, Love is not an accident, love is work. Attraction can happen accidently but you have to put work in, to have the love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): If she is not treating you the way you should be treated and you are unhappy then you have to have it out with her or move on. The only thing I can say, from experience, is that the grass is not always greener. I was married and felt there was no spark but we got on well as friends, we still do. I left him because I thought there was something better and all i've had is hassle and heartache. I moved on because of complacency, not unhappiness. If you are genuinely unhappy, then life is too short.
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