A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for two and half year, the sad part of this marriage is I don’t believe there is any affection when the time I married him. The whole relationship just gone crazy, I was tired of all the lies happened before. And he is very nice to me make me feel safe. Although I don’t think I know him well, he is kind of cold sometimes. And he just be fine whatever I do. I mean we have sex like once half a year, and he is ok with it. Actually he is not able to last more than 2 minutes, I mean making sex. Probably, that is also a reason I married him, deeply in sight I just don’t want have sex with him. And probably that’s the reason he stay cool. We rarely talked about it and we even don’t have much other physical touch like kiss or whatever.It won’t take so long to realize how intolerable without sex in a relationship especially marriage, and so hopeless. The desire of been touched to fell real to feel complete become stronger and stronger. I am not so sure if that makes me a bad women. And then somebody come in and I just cannot say no, he said he would marry me right away, I looked into his eyes and it seems so sincerely. I told him I was married already, and then we had fantastic sex during the next three days. The thing is why I feel so painful when he left without saying good-bye. I don’t want him to think I am bad and just play with him, but it doesn’t make sense, what I expected? I have made it clearly that I am not looking for a relationship at the very beginning. And that makes me wondering do I really want to stay with the marriage without sex and without affection. Stay with the marriage and find somebody else to have fun is just not workable for me. But I don’t want hurt anybody especially my husband, and I even not so sure whether I could find somebody else to trust and built an another relationship or marriage if I leave my husband, he is the only person I could trust and rely on in the worldAre these all my fault? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): All I want to say is thanks to you for the answers. Thanks for so kind.
Danielepew you are right, and no one would like to be in this condition at the first place until you get hurt and you start to wonder maybe that is the best way .
However,you are still right, I have to decide what I should do, but is this exactly my question? Porbably you already know I am not really need a answer and there is no answer at all.It is just too unbearable to keep all these in mind.
And your freind,I think we never go to the doctor probaly because I don't want it happen at all. Keep distance with my husband seems make me more comfortable. And if he even not think about go to the doctor, I am start to think maybe my husband also feel the same way I feel .
I guess I have made my decition, I have to go, but not now, it is not the right time. I am not sure whether it is a little bit selfish, but maybe both of us will be released when the day I leave.
A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (26 June 2009):
 To not be able to give or receive affection is a cruel existence for you both however you could first speak to your family doctor who would probably recommend a therapist and then you could reassess the relationship, you owe this to him as much as to yourself.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 June 2009):
 If I understand your post correctly, you married someone you didn't really love. This man is a good person and makes you feel safe, but you don't have sex more than twice a year, he doesn't kiss you or hug you, and he won't be angry or upset at anything.
Then this person came who you had sex with for three days. This person left, and you felt bad even though you made it clear that you didn't want a relationship. And now you wonder whether you should divorce your husband, but are afraid that you won't find a good person to have a relationship with.
If I understood correctly, then your husband also married you because of a reason other than love. You two have some sort of an agreement, rather than a marriage. Personally, I would have never entered such an agreement, and would not want to live in one. You have to decide what you will do. No one can do it for you.
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