A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Met him about 5mos ago thru my bro-n-law, started talking, hung out a couple weeks later and its been physical ever since. I've been open, telling him I like him, wanna get to know him better and he gave me his busy schedule excuse about 2mos into it. We continued to talk and be physical w/him initiating all contact. He told me hes an ahole, doesnt wanna hurt me, knows I deserve better ... YET, still showing he wants to be w/ me. We never "agreed" on a fwb relationship ... So, now i'm in this situation. Obviously my feelings are involved, still want more and deserve it and he knows this, but still isnt taking it to another level. We havent had a talk about relationships/feelings since middle of Nov., but we've been w/each other after. Now we havent spoken in about 10days, which really hurts me. We didnt argue, last time he left my house after an amazing time he kissed and said "bye ssweetie!". He still hangs out where my bro-n-law bartends and IDK what to do. Do I speak up for myself, let him know the way he's treating me (not calling) hurts OR do I just let him go and walk away? Please help w/ some nonjudgemental, honest advice/insighr here ... Just want him to know it sux!!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@CindyCares - Yes, unfortunately I felt the peg of "booty call" status when I saw times of texts & his generic lingo. My bro-n-law served him that night, so pretty sure he was buzzing pretty good, hence the late nite text!
@PerhapsNot - I did learn my lesson & I know this cause if I felt weak in any way I would've replied to his booty call & thinking he still might want more. I never thought of blocking him, unless hes harrassing me seeing his text, ignoring it, moving on ... Makes me stronger!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 January 2012):
 He's pegged you as booty call material.
Ignore him.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (20 January 2012):
 You're acting like an 18 year old over this lame text message. If "What's up Sweetie" makes you want to respond and entertain the thought of getting back in contact, then you're beyond help. I thought you said you learned your lesson? The fact that you didn't block his number leads me to believe that you're not done with the BS.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCode Warrior - I didn't acknowledge his texts at all. I actually didnt receive until I woke up this morning. He frequents where my bro-n-law works, so hes still around, so to speak. I've def learned my lesson here :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate: After almost 6weeks of no contact HE decided to text twice last night or should I say earlier this morning. At 12:15am "Whats up" & at 1am "Sweetie". Really ... Really ... Serious? Any & all opinions are welcomed ... ;)
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 January 2012):
 Go and suffer no more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWelp ... This Friday it'll be 1month since we last spoke & I'm not heearing great things about him from my bro-n-law & his co-worker. No reason for him to be disrespectful ... Just an immatture ass I guess! I never said anything to him by the way, my sis wanted me to put him in his place, but I'm thinking silence will say more ... If anything, but obviously he doesn't care... My lesson learned for sure...
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all of your very honest advice & insight with my situation I got myself into. I may be naive to a fault b/c I act & react off my emotions & I wanna believe good in people I guess, especially a man I allow into my home, personal space & initimate ways. If this was a one-night stand i'd be more inclined to feel like an idiot & go on, but we didnt get physical until 2weeks talking/flirting. He knows my sis & bro-n-law & met my son, so its harder to just walk away w/ out telling him something. I know he prob could care less, but it would be my closure. My lesson learned & know I'm not a fool for "feeling" in this situation. I'd like some advice on exactly what & how to word my last words tho ... Maybe it'll trigger an emotional string in him ... Lol! Thx again :-)
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (28 December 2011):
You can tell him. As for him caring about what you have got to tell him, and change his behaviour accordingly... that's all anothery story.
He told you what the deal it's going to be, in fact he showed you by his actions : casual sex ,no relationship. He knows you deserve more, but he's not the one who will provide it to you.
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (28 December 2011):
Tell him you don't like it as it is now. Will he take it to the next level? No? Well, in that case, it will have been very nice to have met him.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (28 December 2011):
All he wants is a physical relationship. If you told him that you want to get to know him and he responds by giving you his busy schedule - well, what more is there to say? He is too busy to get to know you, but never too busy to for a sex session? You couldn't possibly be naive enough to believe that. He told you that he is an asshole and that you deserve better. Translation: in case you're to get the wrong idea, I'm just here for the sex. Don't expect anything more from me. You say that he is initiating contact and showing you that he wants to be with you. He only contacts you when he wants sex and right now you're being ignored for 10 days. I am sure he has found something else to entertain himself with. Don't fret though, when he needs a booty call, he will contact you rest assured. You need to let this man go. He is not interested in having a relationship with you. If you want to tell him how you feel because it will make you feel better: go for it. Just know that he won't really care. It's best to just block his number and move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): If he knows how you feel and still doesn't want to take it to the next level then it's probably best for you to walk away because staying in this situation will just lead to more gnawing dissatisfaction for you and will also be taking away valuable time and opportunities from you to find someone better.
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male
reader, Goku +, writes (28 December 2011):
Hello! I don't mean to minimize your feelings or anything, but I think the situation is simple. You can't know what he's thinking for sure until you ask, but I think he doesn't have any plans to take the relationship to the next level and if you put enough pressure he'll just walk away.If that is true, what next? Time to have a serious conversation with yourself. Are you willing to be in a purely physical relationship indefinitely? If the answer is yes, then enjoy it. If the answer is no, just let him go and walk away. I know it's easier said than done, and maybe it will be painful for you to let him go. But it's the best alternative. And if you're lucky, maybe when you confront him with the alternative of having something serious or nothing at all he'll give a try to something serious. Good luck!
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