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female
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anonymous
writes: Am I overreacting? I live with my fiance and he said that he thinks we spend too much time together like any other couple that lives together and that we are starting to take each other for granted. So, therefore, he thinks the vacations that he has always taken that are about 2 months are justified so he can have his "alone" time. It makes me really sad that he feels the need to go on these long vacations (he can take his work with him) and I have expressed this to him, but the more I bring it up the more he says he wants to take them. I asked if he is still going to be like this when he is married, and he says instead I should be thinking of ways to make better money and get a job where I can travel with him. Would other girls put up with this? I know I love him and thats why it hurts, and I don't see how if he loves me so much he would be willing to leave me for month-long vacations.
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (1 August 2007):
 "Would other girls put up with this?"
It only matters whether or not you are willing to tolerate this behaviour. After all, it's you who will be married to this guy, not other girls.
What does your inner voice tell you? That should be the guide for the actions you choose in response to his behaviour.
I am married and have a family. I have always needed "alone time", even before I met my wife. She does not understand what drives my need for this "alone time" and frankly neither do I. But I have arranged my lifestyle to get "alone time" during the day when everyone is out either at work or at school. I made these choices out of respect for myself and for my family, and everyone seems satisfied by the arrangement.
If he is unwilling to compromise out of respect for your wishes and for the sake of the relationship, then I have to wonder how this marriage will succeed. Better to clear the air right now before you commit further. Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (1 August 2007):
why dont you suggest to him instead of letting it build up so he "has" to take a 2 month vacation, that he has his alone time in little bits here and there. for example you could go out of the house one night for a while with some friends, have dinner with them etc, that way he can do whatever he wnats in the house by himself. and vice versa as well. honestly i dont think there is a need for him to go along for such a long period of time to get his alone time. why cant he have it in little bits here and there throughout the week? put that to him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is just pleasure, and the way he looks at it is that we are together 24/7, so when he takes his trips it's just all built up alone time (for example if we only saw each other 3 times a week that would be a different story).
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (31 July 2007):
Somtimes people just shock me so much. In all honestly I cant seem to get where your bf is coming from. I mean if he wants "me" or "alone" time, it doesnt have to be 2 months does it?
Have you told him that you understand he needs time by himself but you dont understand why it needs to be two months? Why not something shorter?
Has he always been a independent person? Perhaps this is the reason for him needing these long trips.
Personaly I dont think I would stay with a guy if he did this, because I dont see how it can be justified. I would be incredibly hurt.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (31 July 2007):
 Two months is a long time. Most people would not choose to be away fron their aprtner for two months. You can't control him, I wouldn't like it though. Is this related to work or just pleasure?
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