A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I've been contemplating this problem for a few days now, and still haven't come to a conclusion!I spoke to my ex-boyfriend last Wednesday (we don't talk much, he's in the US army) and we started off with the general chat, how everything was going etc. However, it then started to get more personal, and he asked me if I'd had sex with anyone.. and I was like "No, not since you" and he proceeded to say "When I'm back home, I'll have sex with you if you like?" and asked me if I was okay with it just being a one off thing. Hesitantly, I said yes.. but I knew I wasn't really.We broke up almost 2 years ago, in 2007 when he left to go into the army. The thing is, I've never stopped liking him. I know, I shouldn't and that I really should have got over him by now, but I haven't. I know having sex with him won't solve anything, and will probably leave me with more feelings for him than I already have. Surely, there has to be a part of him that's still attracted to me if he wants to do that?Could there be a slim chance he does still like me?Could it develop into anything?What are your opinions on it all?I really don't know what to do, or how he feels about me. I'm scared of telling him how I feel, in case he breaks everything off, and I'd hate not to have him in my life anymore.Any help is appreciated. Thanks.
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male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (13 April 2009):
 Let me jump in here with a soldiers opinion:
He is away with work and feeling a bit alone, gets out the old little black book and is going through girls he knows looking for a hook up, and BANG here is his ex who isn't over him and will have sex with him! Thank you very much, cheers easy!
He does not want a relationship with you, he wants to get a period of frustration out of his system before going off and finding a new girl.
This will not develop in to a relationship, boys don't need feelings to have sex, have you ever seen some of the things that soldiers sleep with?
Also if you do decide to sleep with him again, make sure he wears a condom, because I have treated some US soldiers and they have an interesting collection of STIs.
I'm not saying all soldiers are users, but trust me the majority are and you should be very cautious!
A
male
reader, enjoimx +, writes (13 April 2009):
 Its a bad idea to have sex with your ex. It brings back all sorts of emotional turmoil that you shouldnt have to deal with. The relationship ended for a reason and now you are in the process of moving on.
You need to start moving on by avoiding contact with him. Each time you guys talk it re-opens the wounds, and he has the ability to control you with statements and questions like "Do you want to have a one night stand just for fun?"
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A
female
reader, satindesire +, writes (13 April 2009):
 I'm sorry honey, but you are setting yourself up to get your heart broken all over again. He didn't say "Do you want to get back together (in a relationship) when I get back?"
He said "Do you want to HAVE SEX when I get back?"
Men and women approach sex totally different. Men have absolutely no trouble at all separating love and sex, and can have sex with a complete stranger, an ex partner, or even someone they PAY to have sex with, with absolutely NO emotional attatchment or feelings whatsoever. Men are capable of even sleeping with people they don't even like that much!
Think about this. He's offering you SEX. Simply, straightforward, f*cking. If you want to get back together with him, then you need to tell him that you still care about him. But don't sleep with him and expect him to care about you, because he probably doesn't.
In the end, you have got to think about what you are risking with this situation. Communication and honesty are needed here, not subtle hints and expectations that could end up painful and heartbreaking. If you sleep with him, you will fall for him again, and if he doesn't feel the same about you, you WILL get hurt.
Be smart about it, honey. You deserve better than this.
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A
female
reader, Ke' +, writes (13 April 2009):
 you should try to understand why he wants to have sex with you when you are broken up.You need to ask him that.
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A
female
reader, growing up +, writes (13 April 2009):
it sounds like your boyfriend is enjoying the idea of having sex with you again as well as being in the army and feeling someone is there to greet him home. but beware all this could be a fantasy. you are interpreting an offer of sex as an offer of a relationship/ people change and 2 years is a long time... just don't let imagination run wild.. when he returns treat this as a new relationship stop negotiating sex or no sex and see how you really feel about this man.. I would restrain myself from having sex until I am sure of what is being offered and what I really can and cant handle.. remember your feelings come first.
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