A
female
age
30-35,
*issLoca
writes:So Im sort of in a dilemma. I recently moved out to live with my mom. I was living with my ex of 4 years. The problem is, I love to hang out with him. Even though we arent together he is like my true homie, my true friend. Anyways, when I'm alone I think about him and I think about all the good times we had and how we were on top. And sometimes a part of me wants him back and wants to start over fresh and start a family with him. Another part of me, wants to be with this other guy I met back in June. He lives 7 hours away from me so I've only spent time with him twice. But each time was amazing. And when Im with him its like the whole world doesnt exist. He wants me to move with him, which id love to because eventually one day I want to move back to California. But I have a 3 year old daughter by my ex of 4 years. And I keep tryin to convince myself that its ok, I can move there he will still get to see her. But its not working, inside....I still feel its so wrong. I would hate if someone moved my daughter away from me, it wouldnt happen. So how can I do this to him? Not only that, but I think its extremely important for my daughter to be around her dad all the time or at least live close to him so that is possible. I know people move their kids away from their parents all the time but it just doesnt set right for me. And there is even another part of me that just wants to leave both guys alone and just be single for a while. The thing with that is, I dont want to be a hoe. I am so addicted to fine Hispanic men its crazy. I'm always on the lookout for them and I wont hesitate to give them my number, if they ask that is. I am a go-with-the-flow kind of girl so if I hung out with them Id probably have sex. Im so confused and I dont know what I want or what I should do.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 February 2012):
 No no no, this is insane.
Look, I surely don't condemn you for being young, highly sexual and addicted to fine Hispanic men. But, you are a mom, you have a 3 y.o. child.
Did you really consider moving her away not only from her dad, but also from the rest of her family, her preschool, her little friends, her usual environment,.. for a guy you have spent time with TWICE ?? You cannot know much about this guy, except that when you are with him " the whole world does not exist ", probable translation , he's good in bed. Nice, but, what if you reach him , in a week get your fill of sexual chemistry, and find out it's not enough to keep you together ? Would you move your child back again... till the next sexy Latino from another State , then " rinse and repeat " ?
Go with the flow is OK when you are childless, when you have kids you can't just do the first thing that comes to mind because it sounds like a good idea atm. You can't be that selfish, you have to stop and think and plan ahead , having your daughter's best interest at heart .
As other posters have said, it would be different if you felt sure you have found your soulmate, the man you want to spend your life with, in this case, follow your bliss and tough luck for your kid's dad. But you don't even LIKE this new guy that much, ! half of the time you still like your ex !. And other times, you just want to be single. It does not really sound like the love story you can't let pass you by ! , more like an itch that you could scratch with some other , possibly local, handsome young man.
You don't even know what you really want yet, would not it be better if you stop and think and find it out before you uproot your and your daughter' life on an impulse ? Don't you think you OWE this to your daughter ?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): if the new guy was a serious committed relationship then I'd say move to be with him. You can't hold your life back for your daughter and your ex, meaning you can't forever stay single and never have another relationship just because you have a kid. if the new guy is a serious relationship and there's a good chance he will be a father figure to her then I say go for it.but that's not the case is it...instead the new guy is practically a stranger. but then again, it's your choice. Your ex may have a great relationship with your kid, but he didn't exactly step up and become a committed husband to you, did he? So why should you hold your life back for him? well I guess since you have a kid, it's more important to do what's best for your kid, which in this case I guess it means you have to stay in the same town as your ex.
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A
female
reader, Latti +, writes (5 February 2012):
DON'T DO IT! I can guarantee you...this will not pan out well for you or your daughter. You have a precious little girl that you must protect & moving in with some man you've only spent time with ....Twice....not a smart choice. Are you in a committed relationship with him?
Have you met his family? Does he have a "Baby Momma" kids? Is he going to financially pay the bills & take care of you & your daughter?
You don't up-root your daughter's whole life or yours for that matter for a man who has not even put a ring on your finger! There has to be more to him, than just a good lay in the sack! Give it more time, get to know who he really is...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012): Trust me, don't move. I'm not saying this for your or the father's benefit, its for your daughter. She needs a dad, her real dad.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012): "I would hate if someone moved my daughter away from me, it wouldnt happen. So how can I do this to him?"
You can't.
"Not only that, but I think its extremely important for my daughter to be around her dad all the time or at least live close to him so that is possible."
You are absolutely correct. Girls who grow up with involved fathers in their lives rarely get knocked up as teenagers because they don't feel the need to shack up with some deadbeat loser in order to "be a family like the one I never had."
"I know people move their kids away from their parents all the time but it just doesnt set right for me."
It just "doesn't set right" because it isn't right.
Good parents ALWAYS put their child(ren)'s interests before their own. Your daughter needs her father more than you need another boyfriend and another unplanned kid to raise alone.
It's that simple. Kid(s) first, love life way way down your list of priorities.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (4 February 2012):
 well, firstly you don't HAVE to "go with the flow" and give out your number to any "fine Hispanic men." This is something that is under YOUR control - and casual sex with a virtual stranger really isn't a good idea.
Then, yes, it's important that your daughter be able to keep in touch with her dad - and he with her.
As for the man you met in June, you'd better think about this very carefully. He's basically a stranger: met him twice and no matter how often you've "visited" on Skype (if you have) or talked on the phone, you really don't know him at all.
Going half way across country to live with him at this stage would not be a good idea at all. In fact, if you did, you might quickly find you regretted it.
No, take some time to be by yourself and consider your options.......good luck.
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