A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My sister, brother, their partners and myself and husband went on holiday in September together with our children. On the first day my brothers 2 year old daughter fell and ended up in hospital for two days. Anyway, when he came back from there he was in an awful mood and started making quiet comments to my sister and her children. It all came to a head on the fourth day when their was a huge fight and he left very early in the morning. On the way home he crashed his car. Luckily they were fine.Since then my sisiter has refused to talk to or see him. He has started elaborating on the details turning it all around to being everyone elses fault. It really has grown out of control even involving my mum who is quite upset and feels responsible.I havent spoken to him since then and am worried as it is coming up to the usual family party at christmas. I am willing and have already said as far as I am concerned it is over and forgotten. Unfortunately the rest of them will never forget or forgive. Do you think I should speak to the rest of them before christmas or leave them to fight it out themselves? I am usually the one who has to apologise and try and make things better and am sick of being piggy in the middle.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Somethingeasy  +, writes (10 December 2007):
 Dont get involved.
A
female
reader, MonDoc  +, writes (10 December 2007):
Sadly to say, you'll probably end up with egg on your face if you try and mediate. The only thing you can really do is talk to each of them and offer a listening ear -- if you feel up to it. Be sure to let them know you're not going to take sides, but that YOU want to stay friendly with all and that the fight is between them & them alone, and they shouldn't involve any other family members.
Once you've established that, you CAN say that you will call them on where you think they've been wrong, so at least that way, you've established yourself as unbiased & any criticisms are neutral. That might be enough to get them thinking if you say "well, I think she was wrong about this, but you were wrong about that". It kind of plants a seed that could start some reconciliation --- but you have to be VERY subtle if you're going to do this.
Other than that, like I said, if you try and mediate it all, they'll probably end up best of mates again in a few months, while you're the one left looking like the bad guy who took sides!
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