A
female
age
36-40,
*eyondexausted
writes:Is porn a good reason to leave after 5 years?I've been with a guy for five years and everything was fine until I got pregnant the first time. He used porn everyday although we had sex almost every night the entire pregnancy... 3 years later he has continued to use it even though after I told him to choose porn or me. We live together and have a 3 year old now so sex anytime a day is hard even though we try to sneak in quickies all the time. I never had a problem with porn used to go to strip clubs... But it doesn't excite me anymore, it. Just makes me feel insecure and extremely jealous. I hate myself because it's the lying and hiding that kills me, its like he puts porn above me. Maybe I just never will have the sex drive I used to, I'm 24 and he's 29, but he makes me feel so disgusted about him that after I catch him and confront him, he still lies. I'm tired of feeling like Sherlock and can't even watch r rated movies anymore, it just pisses me off, should I try to work through my insecurities or leave him and do it on my own?
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insecure, jealous, porn, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (24 March 2012):
 I'm confused... you say you used to have no problem with porn, and went to strip clubs, but after you got pregnant you changed and you expect him to change too.
If you kick him out, will this cure your insecurities?
If he gives up the porn will that cure your problems and make you feel beautiful and wonderful?
You also say that your sex drive is low and you and him are parents who don't really have time for sex..... how is this a problem with porn?
All this sounds like a young mother who is feeling fed up, unattractive as a woman, and tired of all her responsibilities.. Porn is a nice easy thing to target.
Personally, I think you'd get more happiness and strength from actually dealing with your issues and looking at your worries and fears... But if you hate porn so much that your willing to kick your guy out, then maybe that's the best thing for you to do.
You can't FORCE someone to give up porn. The fact that your views have changed, doesn't seem fair that you expect him to feel change too. I doubt he would be lying about porn and his sexual activity if you had the same mindset you had before. You have changed greatly and it's not making you happy, but you want him to join you, so you both can be unhappy at the same time.
Leave him if you want or stay and work out a way to deal with your own insecurity and issues about yourself. But when the child is older and you get some time for yourself and things are easier, you won't be able to call him back and say you made a mistake...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2012): There's a kid involved. Both of you should compromise and try to meet in the middle somehow.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2012): I agree with peanut butter, life is too short to be worried about porn and allow it to tear your family apart. The deceipt is a worry, and this should be addressed. Maybe you need to come to some sort of compromise on this. You have said that you used to be fine with porn, but now that you don't enjoy it or like it you expect that he should feel the same way as you, which is a bit unfair. I am sure you wouldn't like if he tried to push you into watching it and enjoying it just because he does, or appreciate an ultimatum in which he tried to force you into watching it.
Try and work through your insecurities, and working together to make the relationship work. In the end though it is entirely up to you whether you can continue in this way. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (24 March 2012):
 Personally I would not give up a long term relationship because of porn, but I wouldn't be too happy with the deceit aspect of the situation if he has been hiding it from you.
On the other hand, there is a reason he feels that he has to hide it and that is because he knows you do not approve. He obviously enjoys porn, and that is a personal preference that not everyone agrees with but perhaps if you didn't mind quite so much, he wouldn't feel the need to hide it or feel that the subject is so taboo.
Is there perhaps a compromise you can make and allow a little porn time for him but for him to be open and honest about it with you?
Life is really too short to waste and I would definitely try to resolve the situation before letting it all go!
Best of luck!
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