A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this guy for 1.5 years. We usually get along really well and spend a lot of time together. However, we fight quite often, and especially lately. Our last fight wasn't too long ago and we were almost going to break up. However, every time we're about to, he starts breaking down and guilt-tripping me since he promised to love me forever and he wants me to promise him that I'll love him and stay with him forever. I can't make such a promise because we're only in college and I don't know about the future yet and I feel we're too young to make that decision just yet. However, when I try to explain that to him, he just says that I don't know what I want and it should be easy - either I want to be with him forever or I don't. And if I don't, it means I don't love him. He also hurts himself (punches himself on the head) when we get in fights sometimes and it scares me so much. I'm afraid he'll hurt me too. He sometimes grabs me really hard, although nothing else. And he'll say things like "Why don't you kill me?" or things along those lines. I tell him that he's being selfish if he wants to kill himself or have me kill him and he says I wouldn't care anyways and I tell him of course I care, etc. I feel like I can't leave him or he'll do something stupid or make me feel really bad about it. I know this isn't healthy and I should technically leave him. I don't know though... I feel so conflicted. Any advice would be nice. Thanks! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 Don't let him blackmail you emotionally. If you think you are incompatible with each other, you need to walk away from him and end it.
Using emotional blackmail is one of the tactics of making you feel guilty and unable to leave him.
A
female
reader, mummyter  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 No you shouldnt stay with him, this is a dysfunctional relationship that could turn abusive. If you're intuitions are telling you to be afraid that he may hurt you then you should heed them and leave. At the most this relationship sounds co-dependent, it doesnt sound like a love affair and you deserve better.
Good luck! 3
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