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anonymous
writes: I am 25 years old and I have a boyfriend. The only problem is that I am unsure whether he holds me to an importance as much as I do him. I sometimes like I'm not important enough just to recieve a phone call. I wrote a letter telling him about my feelings and he explained his situation before recieving the letter. He opened up the letter anyway and felt offended about what was written, although I wrote nothing that could have offended him. Now he is angry with me and he's unsure about whether our relationship can continue. What can I do? Should I leave him alone so that he could think or should I continue calling him until he forgives me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (7 January 2005):
 Short answer: give him space. Do NOT call him.Men don't communicate the same way as women. His not calling you as often as you would like is probably not intentional, but men aren't wired up to spend all their spare time obsessing about their relationships. That doesn't mean that you're not important to him, but you need to recognise that his way of showing affection is likely to be different to your ideal. If you don't like the way he communicates, you'll never be happy with your boyfriend. And he won't be happy with you.Which is pretty much where you are now.You say that he explained his situation before he received your letter. That would have been a good time to apologise to him for flogging a dead horse, rather than playing the self-righteous pity card. The thing about offensive letters is, if the recipient finds them offensive, then they are, regardless of your intentions.You sound very unhappy in this relationship, since your b/f and you clearly approach romantic attention from different angles. Why not send him a short note saying only that you're sorry about the whole mess and you want to give him some space; then you can bow out with some dignity intact.All the foot-stamping and righteous wrath in the world is not going to make this particular man behave the way you want, or to love you.In the meantime, read up on the ways that men communicate that are different to women, so that you have more realistic expectations for next time.Best of luck!
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