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Should I have sex with her when we aren't in a relationship?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 October 2009) 7 Answers - (Newest, 4 November 2009)
A male United States age 26-29, *rans Am Man writes:

There's this girl that I've know since the 6th grade and I've always thought she had a nice body. We're in the 9th grade now. We started talking over the internet and one thing led to another and we ende up having internet sex and now se wants me to meet her in the bathroom at school on monday. She wants to have sex with me. So i'm just not really sure if I should agree to do this. I know that she likes me as more than a friend and I think I'm developing feelings for her too. Is this a good idea. Is it a good idea to have sex before you're even in a relationship with someone. Thanks for any advice.

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (4 November 2009):

celtic_tiger agony auntI think this girl is pushing you for sex. She can only see one thing, and that is sex with you. I really don't think she is after a serious relationship. It is interesting, because usually it is the boy that is a sex crazed teenager, but this shows that the situation does also happen the other way - but how many guys would be willing to be honest about how it makes them feel?

It was her suggestion to have sex in the school toilets (?!) no self respecting woman would do this with someone she barely knows (well I wouldnt anyway, and personally I think this is a bit cheap. Now she is suggesting that "She says she knows a way we could do it and get away with it". From an outside point of view, it appears she only has one thing on her mind, and that is to have sex. (Whether she just wants to have sex with you, or just wants to have sex generally is another question). She has told you she likes this other guy - I bet she hasnt asked him to have sex in the toilets, because she wouldnt want him to think she was cheap.

I think if you really like this girl you need to find out what her motives are and tell her that you want to get to know her BEFORE you have sex with her. You say yourself that you are not ready, and I applaud your maturity to admit to that and not be pressured by her to do something you will regret. Losing your virginity should be something that is special, and you WILL remember the girl, the time, the place and the situation forever. Do you really want that to be a quick fumble in the school toilet, or somewhere nasty, with someone who was only using you for your penis?

Good luck to you

Tiger x

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A male reader, Trans Am Man United States +, writes (4 November 2009):

Trans Am Man is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Trans Am Man agony auntUm, well I'm afraid I need more advice now. The date is still on for this weekend and things are good except I was talking to her online and she told me about this guy she kinda likes. Of course were not officialy dating yet so maybe I shouldn't care. She says she still wants to go to the movies with me and I still wanna go with her. But I'm affraid that if we go and things start looking good for us, she might decide to leave me for this other guy. I just can't handle that. I've had my heartbroken before and it really hurts. It hurts like hell. Also please don't judge me for this. We kinda ended up talking alot about sex again and she wants to talk to me tomarrow in school. She says she knows a way we could do it and get away with it. Now I'm a guy so I'm not arguing, at least I wasn't at the time. Now that I've had my "fun" I'm feeling different. I don't want to have sex with her right now. I'm so confused.

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A male reader, Trans Am Man United States +, writes (3 November 2009):

Trans Am Man is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Trans Am Man agony auntThanks Everyone for the advice. Things are going good between us. I didn't have sex with her, but eventually maybe. I have a date with her this weekend.

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A female reader, blueyedgirl United States +, writes (1 November 2009):

blueyedgirl agony auntSex in the school bathroom is a very bad idea! I recommend waitin until you are in a serious relationship 4 sex, but even if you decide to have sex just for the sake of sex, find someplace a little more private.

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A male reader, Been there, Done that United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2009):

If you like this girl then go for it !

However if you are still a virgin think about your actions first.

If you are still a virgin then u may want to lose ure virginity with someone you love , someone you are in a relationship with.

Hope this helped. :)

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A female reader, MinnieM United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2009):

Your wise to be wary of this encounter, if she doesn't have the same feelings for you, you could end up easily being ridiculed by her after any encounter in the toilets. Is she doing this because she thinks it's what you want? Tell her that your not the kind of person who just uses people for sex & that you would be happy to take her out on a some. That will stop any plan she might have for just using you for sex!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009):

I don`t see anything wrong with just sex and if you want to keep physical thats fair.But dude, she likes you and you are developing feelings. You've known her since 6th grade. You had cyber sex. Although its not official per say, you have the basis of a relationship. Just ask her out first and say you want to get to know her first because you respect her. ASK HER WHETHER SHE WANTS MORE THAN SEX

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