A
female
age
36-40,
*ove'me'tender
writes:I need help,i have been going out with my boyfriend 5year now.Since last year we now staying far from each other its a long distance relationship.We have been through so much breaking up and making up this streghten our relationship.Ok i just found out he has a girlfriend where he is staying i was heartbroken about this i called him he says he is sorry about this happening.I talk to his mum i told her this is what happened she is on my side saying he should break up with that girl and come back to me.He doesnt want to say how serious this relationship he is having is. I am gratefull his mum likes me but at the end of the day its his choice.Its been hard accepting that i ended up telling myself i will not give up on me and him we talked he says we cant go out now that we should be friends and we pick it up later i agreed to this but deep down i cant im asking my self that if he loves me he should apologise about this other girl and come back to me if he really loves me because if im going to be friends with him whilst he is seing this chick its tearing me apart i really love this guy what should i do,should i hang on hoping he comes back to me or i should face reality and move on???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2009): His mum means well and thinks she's giving you good advice - but who knows WHAT he's been telling her?
You just have to thank her, but courteously yet firmly make it clear that you have decided to move on with your life without her son - because that's what HE is doing.
If his Mother gets mad or insistent when you tell her this, you'll need to say something like "that's it, and no more to be said." Then, if she still wants to pursue it, tell her you have to go now (assuming you're speaking on the phone) and then hang up. Let it be some time before you speak to her again, and if she calls you, your response is still "Its finished. There is no more to discuss." If she wants to be friends with you and talk about other topics, fine. But just you be firm on this one.
In time, your pain will fade, and hopefully you'll meet a man who really loves you and wants to commit to you.
A
female
reader, love'me'tender +, writes (11 October 2009):
love'me'tender is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thank you all for your advice.I see myself i have to move on but it aint easy but i see i have to.I was just talking to his mum i was telling her i cant do this to myself telling her that this girl if she is still there i cant that i was expecting him to apologise but he is still with her so i told the mum that i cant she advised me that i hang on and build on our relationship i think to her she now thinks i am being stubborn that i should listen to her but i cant hold on to someone who is with someone else i dont know what to do i feel as i am disappointing his mum but i cant pretend to be ok with me being friends with him whilst he is with another women just hoping he would come back one day.I dont know what he tells his mum that makes her so hopeful for us but when i talk to him all he says is we cant do it now that lets be friends now.Can i give us a little faith but i cant because of the other women im confused i love him but if he cant be sure about being with me now i dont know honestly
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2009): Painful as it is, unfortunately, you do need to face reality and move on with your life.You tell us you've been through cycles of breaking up and getting back together in the past. But now he has found another woman. You and he have been together five years and your friendship has evidently run its course, so far as he is concerned. After all, if he isn't willing to make a clear, definite commitment to you in all this time, its highly unlikely that he'll come back to you.It sounds to me that in telling you he can't go out with you now, but "we should be friends" (whatever THAT means) "and pick it up later." He's just trying to let you down lightly, to soften the blow, because he knows how upset you are. But the evidence is that he has moved on with his life, without you.Glad his Mother was nice to you (and she may well be genuinely fond of you). But for you, give it up as a lost cause, and get into activities you enjoy, and eventually the pain will fade, and hopefully you'll meet someone who will love you, and you alone.
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