A
female
age
41-50,
*eorgie1973
writes:My partner's son is having a surprise birthday party next week. And i will be in the same place as his mother (my partners ex) and my in laws who all know each other and have history and i wont know any one there. I dont know whether to go as i would feel very out of place and uncomfortable and i dont want to spoil things for my partner and his son, and if i do go how do i handle the situation eg listing to them reminiss over the past and not knowing anybody i feel very inscure about all this. my partner wants me to come but to be honest i feel sick with the thoughts of it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): I would make sure he's got my back. I would ask him to not ditch me if possible and to indroduce me to his everyone. I'm a little more insecure than most people so I would be terrified of this situation. But as long as I knew he wasn't going to look ashamed of me in front of anyone or let people be rude to me, I might feel good enough to go. He should break the ice for you- it's his family. But if you really think that your presense might cause an uproar- don't go. It's his kids birthday. You don't want everyone gawking at you instead of showing him attention. Do you know his ex? ever met her? Well if not- you might want to do so before if possible or show up early just so everyones not already there if it happens to get weird between you two. And be nice. Pay attention to your facial expressions. Who knows who'll you offend with an unintentional scowl. Good luck. I hope it goes great & everyone welcomes you into the family with open arms.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): If you are serious about your partner and want a long term relationship with him then I would go - he wants you there. As the other post says don't stand in the shadows. Other people may make you feel awkward but I think it might be very awkward for your partner if you don't go. He would have to explain why? Try it - make a plan as to how you are going to handle things and ensure you pre-agree this plan with your partner (tell him your concerns) and try and stay off too much alcohol so any emotions stay in check. This way any difficult situation and you will have his support.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 May 2010):
I think this is something you can and need to overcome now. This is your moment to prove that you're not just someone in the shadow, but that you are apart of his life. You don't need to do anything other than just be there, and try to make conversation if you can. If they take no notice, then that's their problem. You won't spoil anything, I'm sure. Look upon this is a test that you need to pass, rather than something you want to run from. Otherwise you'll always be in the shadows.
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