A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am really confused at the moment. I am 18 and my ex who I have been on and off with for about 3years is 17.I don't know what to do anymore.My heart tells me one thing and my head tells me another.He has been a drug dealer since he was 14 selling mostly cannabis,skunk,pills and cocaine.He only told me 4 months into the relationship (we were both 15) that he was a drug dealer and he didnt tell me he was before because he knew i would have left him,before i met him i was very against drugs. He has now stopped dealing for about the fourth time but is still taking drugs.The thing is i feel like i am addicted to him myself and i can't tear myself away from him as i would feel guilty if i just shut him out my life.We have been trying to work it out as having sex with each other and no-one else and seeing how things go-this was my idea.Last night i was having a night out and he said that he'd be round town too. I was in a club and he walked in and i could tell he had taken something as he looked like he wanted a fight,he told me he had loads of MDMA. I was trying to have a chat with him and he went off on one and started swearing at me to leave him alone,i felt that i had done nothing wrong.What can i do? I think i know most people on here would tell me to get the hell out of this situation and if my parents knew they would tell me the same thing. My head is telling me that I don't need this kind of person in my life, but my heart is telling me that i love him and that i want to help him get his life sorted.I was thinking of giving him an ultimatim something like get off the drugs for good or lose me,what does anyone think?Sorry this is so long.Any advice please! I'm desparate.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): Thank you all for your advice. I have spoken to him and he has told me he just wants to be friends (this is now probably the fifth time he has told me this,and we usually end up sleeping together or getting back together). I explained to him that he thought he was a horrible person when he is on drugs and he said "Its my life.I do what i want and take what i want whenever i want" "I love my life". He explained to me that i deserve better and that he will just drag me down so i am better off without him.
I think he is manipulating me though.
Thanks for all your good advice.I'm going to have to have a long think but i cant imagine my life without him.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 February 2008):
 When you want to save someone who is drowning, you got to make sure you yourself is a strong and good swimmer or you will also drown .
If you could have saved him , he would not be what he is today. You have done all the best for him and he does not respond.What else can you do?
It would be better if you leave him and then he can feel the pain of separations because with you beside him , you are like the clutch to him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): I would run as far away from this guy as you possibly can. He is on drugs. You CANNOT HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO USES ILLEGAL DRUGS, THEY ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE DRUGS, NOT YOU.
You are what is referred to as an enabler. You are codependent which means you are worried for him and about him and trying to make things work between you all on your own steam and even think giving him your ultimatum will save HIM as well as your relationship. This is a load of crap. You can't do anything at all to save this guy. He has to want to do it for himself, and if he is addicted it is too late for him to want that...he needs to be in rehab...If you tell his parents anonymously, maybe they could get him some help, but end your relationship with him first. He has already shown you his propensity for violence in that club....this can only get worse before it gets better.
If you feel addicted to him this is another sigh of your codependent thinking and behavior, if you can't bear to leave him, then get some professional help for yourself as your brain has ceased to function. I know you care, and it breaks your heart to see him like this, but it is truly his deal and not your job to fix.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): The chances are that if you gave him your ultimatum, he'd choose the drugs over you. You could always try though.
No-one with any sense would have anything at all to do with a drug dealer, and I think you know this.
There are far better people out there. Why not find someone who has a brain in his head instead of someone who's always whacked on and selling drugs? Sooner or later you'll be caught up with his illegal activities and have the police knocking on your door to search your house. Your parents would just love that, I'm sure. If your parents knew about this they'd throw a wobbly at you, and you know that too.
Phil
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